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Wednesday, August 30, 2017

Biblical Limericks: Let the Reader Understand


Don’t let yourself get down in the dump
the Last Day is still over the hump.
First the Falling Away,
then the terrible day
when the Lawless One comes with a Trump.


2 Thessalonians 2: 1 - 4


And - if you like the biblical limericks that I've been writing for a couple of years now, take note:  I am working on, and nearly finished with a book length collection of them. I'll have it to my publisher by the end of this month, and it will be available sometime not long after that.

Tuesday, August 29, 2017

Biblical Limericks: Socialist Tendency


Though it offend Christian bourgeoisie,
it must be admitted presently
that the Apostle Paul
had the nerve and the gall
to flaunt a socialist tendency.


2 Corinthians 8: 13 - 15

And - if you like the biblical limericks that I've been writing for a couple of years now, take note:  I am working on, and nearly finished with a book length collection of them. I'll have it to my publisher by the end of this month, and it will be available sometime not long after that.

Biblical Limericks: I Think We Have Time



Peter said the end of all is near,
but you and I, we aren’t ones to fear;
it’s been quite a long spell
so I say, ‘what the hell,
I think we have time to share a beer.’


1 Peter 4: 7

And - if you like the biblical limericks that I've been writing for a couple of years now, take note:  I am working on, and nearly finished with a book length collection of them. I'll have it to my publisher by the end of this month, and it will be available sometime not long after that.

Monday, August 28, 2017

Biblical Limericks: Creation Reversed


I will sweep away the humans first,
then creatures, and birds, and fish submersed.
I’ll topple the fiendish
for all their uncleanness;
I will see my creation reversed.


Zephaniah 1: 2 - 3


And - if you like the biblical limericks that I've been writing for a couple of years now, take note:  I am working on, and nearly finished with a book length collection of them. I'll have it to my publisher by the end of this month, and it will be available sometime not long after that.

Sunday, August 27, 2017

Biblical Limericks: The Daniel Diet



No, the Bible did not supply it;
ignore those who want you to buy it.
They that published the books
are little more than crooks -
peddling a baseless Daniel Diet.

Daniel 1: 8 - 18



And - if you like the biblical limericks that I've been writing for a couple of years now, take note:  I am working on, and nearly finished with a book length collection of them. I'll have it to my publisher by the end of this month, and it will be available sometime not long after that.

Saturday, August 26, 2017

Biblical Limericks: Unsavory



Here I am, the man unsavory,
under the rod of the Lord’s fury.
He’s led me, day and night,
into darkness, not light.
I’m wasted, and broken, and dreary.

Lamentations 3: 1- 4


And - if you like the biblical limericks that I've been writing for a couple of years now, take note:  I am working on, and nearly finished with a book length collection of them. I'll have it to my publisher by the end of this month, and it will be available sometime not long after that.

Wednesday, August 23, 2017

Biblical Limericks: Proverbial Euphemisms


Live all your life with joy and with zest;
enjoy your wife and fondle her breast.
And drink deep from her well,
that’s where pleasure will swell,
and may your, ahem, 'fountain' be blessed.


Proverbs 5: 15 - 19


And - if you like the biblical limericks that I've been writing for a couple of years now, take note:  I am working on, and nearly finished with a book length collection of them. I'll have it to my publisher by the end of this month, and it will be available sometime not long after that.

Monday, August 21, 2017

White Dives and Poor Old Lazarus


There was a rich white man named Dives who used to dress in fine linen suits and who feasted every day on tasty victuals and wines. At his gate there used to be a poor black man named Lazarus, covered with sores (he did not have health insurance, of course). He longed to fill his belly with even the scraps that fell from the rich man’s table. And dogs came to lick at Lazarus’ sores. (Did we mention that he had no health insurance?)

Now it happened that the two men died on the same day. Lazarus was carried away by the angels into the Bosom of Abraham, the rich white man was buried in the family plot and descended into the underworld.

Tormented in Hades, he looked up and saw Father Abraham a long way off with old Lazarus in his embrace. He cried out, “Father Abraham, have pity on me. Send Lazarus to dip the tip of his littlest pinky finger in water to cool my parched tongue. I am in agony here in these flames.”

And Father Abraham said, “My son, remember that during your life you had your fill of good things – you lived a life of privilege, white privilege But Lazarus lived a difficult life; now he is being comforted while you are in agony.”

So Dives said, “Father Abraham, send someone, I beg you. Send someone to speak to my five brothers. Send someone to warn them about this white privilege so they won’t end up here in torment.”

But Father Abraham said again, “They have James H. Cone, Howard Thurman, and Cornel West; let your brothers listen to them.” The rich white man said, “No, Father Abraham. But perhaps if someone came back from the dead they’d listen…”

Father Abraham said, “If they will not listen to Cone, Thurman, and West, they will not be convinced even if Martin Luther King Jr. came back from the dead.”



Saturday, August 19, 2017

The Future is a Waylaid Load


Have you seen the reports of swift-boat pirates on the Mediterranean, of auriferous assassins in the highest levels of the government? They are the immoderate, immodest men. They are material men; pretending to be centrists, they rally round the flag of an immolated future.

The future is a waylaid load, misdirected, rerouted, packed and sorted, repacked, unpacked and still uncounted.

And oh how they exercise their power, they and the other nobles, drinking wine in smoking rooms, and smoking in their drinking parlors. They are conservative men, conspicuous, concupiscent men. Good men. They are the Optimates holding statues and status quo, property and privilege.

Their lawyers speak a private language, all code – no substance.

This is a form of madness and an undiagnosed lust for war. High stakes drunkenness. We live in a city without restraint, without censure, without disclosure. Rule number one: don’t mention the poor. There should be no curiosity, no discovery, no motion. Notorious.

The head spirals down, augers into the ground, while the pontifex maximus augurs an improbable future. The future has been delayed. The sacred mysteries will be obscured. The truth must not be spoken. Silence is a weapon.

We’ll bill the plebs for the research and charge them triple for the cure.


Thursday, August 17, 2017

Biblical Limericks: No Pants


By breastplate and helmet we’re enhanced,
a belt and shoes will improve our stance,
but what covers our legs?
Paul, answer me I begs:
the armor of God includes no pants!


Ephesians 6: 14 - 17


And - if you like the biblical limericks that I've been writing for a couple of years now, take note:  I am working on, and nearly finished with a book length collection of them. I'll have it to my publisher by the end of this month, and it will be available sometime not long after that. 

Wednesday, August 16, 2017

Biblical Limericks: Amanuensis



Don’t think of it as gratuitous;
that we have it is fortuitous,
and don’t neglect this book
for forgotten Baruch
was Jeremiah’s amanuensis.

Baruch 1 - 6


And - if you like the biblical limericks that I've been writing for a couple of years now, take note:  I am working on, and nearly finished with a book length collection of them. I'll have it to my publisher by the end of this month, and it will be available sometime not long after that.

Tuesday, August 15, 2017

Biblical Limericks: Creator of Almost Everything


On this I am in no way lying,
though to the creeds I’d be complying:
God made all that has breath,
true, but what about death?
God created all things but dying.

The Wisdom of Solomon 1: 13

And - if you like the biblical limericks that I've been writing for a couple of years now, take note:  I am working on, and nearly finished with a book length collection of them. I'll have it to my publisher by the end of this month, and it will be available sometime not long after that. 



Monday, August 14, 2017

Biblical Limericks: Prayers for the Dead


Here’s a topic that we might discuss:
Judas thought it not superfluous
‘cause of resurrection
(then a new conception)
to make off’rings for the dead ‘mong us.


Second Maccabees 12: 43 - 46

And - if you like the biblical limericks that I've been writing for a couple of years now, take note:  I am working on, and nearly finished with a book length collection of them. I'll have it to my publisher by the end of this month, and it will be available sometime not long after that. 

Sunday, August 13, 2017

Biblical Limericks: Non-Violent Resistance Can’t Be Passive


“We are concerned for virtue and right.
Because it’s the Sabbath we won’t fight.
Though you are militant
we will die innocent.”
A thousand were slaughtered by that night.


1 Maccabees 2: 29 - 38

And - if you like the biblical limericks that I've been writing for a couple of years now, take note:  I am working on, and nearly finished with a book length collection of them. I'll have it to my publisher by the end of this month, and it will be available sometime not long after that. 

Saturday, August 12, 2017

Biblical Limericks: Ezra and the Department of Homeland Security



The priests of Israel had heaped up shames,
they’d wedded themselves to foreign dames.
Marrying foreign gals
so offended morals
that Ezra published all of their names.


Ezra 10

And - if you like the biblical limericks that I've been writing for a couple of years now, take note:  I am working on, and nearly finished with a book length collection of them. I'll have it to my publisher by the end of this month, and it will be available sometime not long after that. 

Thursday, August 10, 2017

Trump’s Surprising Plan to Govern by Biblical Mandate


Here’s a switch, something I never expected to see, something that still astounds and flabbergasts me. President Donald J. Trump and his administration have endorsed a bill  that takes seriously an important biblical command. I know. I’m surprised as you are.


But it’s true. It's true.


The bill, sponsored by Republican senators, proposes a “merit based” immigration system. Under this bill, immigration candidates would need 30 points in order to qualify to become American citizens. Points are given based on a priority that favors people between the ages of 26 and 30 and speak English fluently and who have won either an Olympic medal or a Nobel prize. But a further premium is given to those who are coming to this country with job offers with salaries over $77,000 and those who are planning to invest a million dollars or more in this country.

And this, as I said, is a practical way for the Trump administration to govern according to biblical principles  Deuteronomy 15: 4 says that “there should be no poor among you.” This proposed bill would go a long way to make sure that no more poor people are allowed to enter the country. And I should point out that it is a course of action that I proposed three years ago. (And And - this limerick will be included in my soon to be published book of biblical limericks. Y
ou should buy three or four copies of it when it's available...)




(And it should be remembered that Democrats have, in the recent past, endorsed a point based immigration policy of their own…)


Sunday, August 6, 2017

The Blessing of Defeat



So the man who has wrestled all his life comes to his final battle at the Jabbok ford. He’s been wrestling all his life, since his birth, even before his birth. He tussled with his twin brother, Esau, within the womb, grasping his heel, still trying to win over him on the way out the birth canal. He strove with his brother for the birthright and the patriarchal blessing. He wrestled a stone away from the mouth of a well to impress his future bride. He contended again and again with his father-in-law.  And now comes the culmination of his life, the climactic, defining event. He wrestles with “a man” at the Jabbok ford.

But what kind of man is this? Jacob, the trickster, thief, deceiver encounters a stranger in the dark – a man without a name and without provenance; he grapples with the mysterious unknown in the dark of the night. And in that long battle neither opponent is able to toss or pin the other; they are unable to hold or throw the other down.

This man in the dark may be more than a man. There is something strange in this encounter. Is he some sort of night spirit or troll that will lose its power or be turned to stone at the breaking of dawn and the light of the sun? Is he an angel of the Lord or a demon from the desert? Is he, perhaps, even God himself?

Or is this man in the dark the embodiment of all Jacob’s guilt and fear – a psychic projection.  In this man that he cannot defeat, Jacob sees the face of those he has offended and wronged. He sees the face of God and his own face, and the face of his twin brother Esau.[1]

Jacob struggles on heroically determined, and stubbornly relentless.  He refuses to admit or accept defeat. But then, with a touch (and not a crushing blow), the slightest touch, the man from the dark blows Jacob’s hip out of joint. He is hobbled, wounded. The supplanter is supplanted. He falls – but even in this defeat he finds a victory of sorts. Even in defeat he demands a blessing.

All his life he’s wrestled for and demanded a blessing from others. Give me the birthright and patriarchal blessing. Give me a bride. Give me sheep, and goats, and camels. Give me a blessing! But what kind of blessing has he won here? The blessing of defeat and a limp to remind him of it. He is no longer Jacob, the deceiver, but Israel who has wrestled with gods and men and has won.






[1] Compare Jacob’s words: in Genesis 32: 31 he says, “I have seen God face to face and I came out alive,” and in 33: 10 he says to Esau, “…for have I not seen your face as one might see God’s face, and you received me in kindness?” (Alter 183, 186)

Alter, Robert. Genesis: Translation and Commentary. New York, NY: W.W. Norton and Company, Inc. 1996. Print. 

Saturday, August 5, 2017

Friday, August 4, 2017