Mission Earth 9 - Villainy Victorious and Lingering Lewdness

Villainy Victorious, the penultimate book of L. Ron Hubbard’s 10 Volume Mission Earth series begins with what are possibly the only true words LRH ever wrote.

“This bizarre, fallacious tale has not been made any more palatable by the introduction of a different narrator.”

We agree.

Volume 8, Disaster introduced one Monte Penwell – an unpublished and untalented author – to continue the story of Soltan Gris, Lombar Hisst, Jettero Heller and the Voltarian mission to Earth. Gris had been incarcerated, Hisst was taking over the Voltarian confederation, and Jettero Heller had escaped with the ailing and drug addicted emperor. Penwell prefaces the story but makes no further appearance.

Like the preceding 8 volumes, Villainy Victorious is a sprawling chaotic jumble with a lot of bile but little story. What narrative there is focuses on the exploits of the earthlings J. Walter Madison – a PR “genius” and Teenie Whopper – a teen-aged nymphomaniac.

Madison and Whopper proceed to infect pure and noble Voltar with the corruptions of Earth – psychology, psychiatry, drugs, perverse sex, public relations and advertising. Blah, blah, blah. This is the whole point of the Mission Earth series: to demonstrate in overwhelming and graphic detail the sickness and depravity of the planet Earth.

At one point early in the book, Teenie Whopper (who inexplicably came to be worshipped as a queen on Voltar) leads a “lecture” to instruct the prepubescent sons of Voltarian nobles in how to become catamites and sex slaves.

Then with one light finger she touched a spot at the lower center of the boy’s pubic hair. His eyes rolled up, his chin thrust forward, he gave an ecstatic groan.
HE (BLEEPULTATED)!

What the BLEEP? You ask.

This has been one of the running “jokes” in Mission Earth. According to a footnote in each of the books, the translating robots are forbidden to reproduce “cursing or lewd words.” This is ironic because the books are filled with descriptions of all manner of vulgar and disgusting – lewd- activities. That some words are BLEEPed out only serves to heighten them.

It seems as if LRH took pleasure in describing the many and varied perversions of earth. He certainly lingered over each one of them in loving and painful detail.

Teenie leaned over and touched his ear with her tongue.
ANOTHER (BLEEPULATION)!
The crowd went mad! (Villainy Victorious page 81)