The Battle for the Hearts of the People is All in His Mind

No one would have believed that
in the latter half of the nineteenth century,

when exuberant scholars were still yet to embark

upon their third quest for various imaginary Jesuses,
I  would be followed across the countries of Europe
and  through the kitchen into my living room

(stepping over the sump-pump and
through the concrete cut-out to the window)

by an esoteric cult of dueling linguists.
I screamed bloody murder to anyone who believed
in the eschatological importance of the First World War
to no success.  I faxed pictures and statistics
but the global Marxist conspiracy still refused to broadcast
my film documenting the gradual choking of American universities.

Donny was a true believer, but that didn’t help him
when his passport was revoked and his visa shredded.
Eliza was never one to restrain herself, but even she
was forced to scan the Chicago Tribune obituary pages
for coded messages about Romanian bureaucrats.

My friends, they have been planning this war for hundreds of years.
Only dedication, hard work, and pro-American activities will ensure our victory.
We must wear T-shirts emblazoned with the Ten Commandments.
We must rush to judgment.

The Trilateral Commission is behind most of these festering complications
and for more than forty-five years I have been studying the satanically-inspired 
conspiracy of the Illuminati to use UN trained vampires in this,
their war against the American people and our anti-humanist dreams.
If you don’t hear from me again, you must continue in my stead.
There are strict rules about transporting corpses 
but, with or without me, you must go on.  

(2012)