April Anomalies A-Z: Raphael

DATE OF OPERATION:    04/20/2013

SURGEON:          Israfel A. Raphael M.D.

PREOPERATIVE DIAGNOSIS: Protrusions of the os frontis

OPERATIVE PROCEDURE: Exostectomy. Subchondral drilling of damaged articular surface.

ANESTHESIA:     Fiery Enflurane.

ESTIMATED BLOOD LOSS:             Less than 20 cc

JUSTIFICATION FOR PROCEDURE:  This is a 38-year-old male who presented to St. Clare’s Medical Clinic and was treated by Dr. Azucuna for painful bony proliferations, horn-like growths on his forehead.  These growths were causing microstatic fluctuations and distinct magnetic disturbances around the patient.  Dr. Azucuna determined that it would be necessary to remove them immediately. It was reviewed with the patient the likelihood for conservative treatment to be unable to completely resolve his problem. Surgery was reviewed.  The patient was explained that there would be two small bone cuts, taking away the sharp bony proliferations and there would be an incision on the frontal aspects of his skull.  It was also explained that there would be chance of psychic anxiety and a decrease of range of telekinetic motion for anywhere from 2-4 months status post procedure. 

PREOPERATIVE PROTOCOL: Dr. Raphael placed one large fish upon a charcoal brazier and intoned "I am Raphael, one of the seven angels who enter and serve before the Glory of the Lord."  A bell was rung three times.

This is part of April Anomalies A-Z, a creative writing exercise and not intended to be an altogether accurate picture of the angelic personage described above.