Parents Upset by X-Rated Bible

An Oklahoman father was horrified to discover his 13 – year-old daughter reading from the Bible which contains references to vaginal intercourse, anal sex and other forms of sexual intimacy.

“I was furious, as any parent would be,” said Alfred Hysterig, of Fictitiousville, Oklahoma.  “I’m still furious about it.”

Hysterig’s daughter is an eighth grader in the First Church of the Living Waters’ Jr. High Sunday School class.  “Her teacher was actually encouraging her to read this filth,” Hysterig said.   Hysterig found her copy of the so-called holy book lying open and he flipped through it himself to see what she was reading.  He was shocked at what he discovered.

Some of it is pretty tame - there is hugging and kissing.  But there was also some NC-17 material like vaginal sex, anal sex, touching genitals, oral sex, sexual fantasy, caressing, “There is even dancing,” said a distraught Hysterig. “It is outrageous that any 13 year old would be encouraged to read a book filled with such filth.”

Hysterig met with church officials to see if this material was part of authentic scripture.  “My wife and I hoped that it was nothing more than an elaborate prank,” said Hysterig.  But to his horror he was told that this material is, in fact, part of the holy scriptures of the church.

“It just makes me sick,” he said. “To think that our children are having this kind of material thrust in front of them.”

When asked for comment, Pastor Fred of the First Church of the Living Waters, said, “Yes, the material in question is part of the scriptures, however cut from the source, I could see how there might be cause for alarm. These isolated references need to be considered in their appropriate context.”

“Appropriate context? How could any of this be appropriate?” Hysterig refuses to accept this. “I can’t believe this is something they were teaching,” he said. “I couldn’t believe something like that is actually in our bible.”

It was even more shocking because Hysterig said he and his wife have been members of the church for most of their lives, and they’ve never noticed this material in the bible before now.

This broad satire was inspired by this bit of hysteria.