I've Discovered the Location of the Garden of Eden

I have, after years and years of careful study located the actual location of the Garden of Eden as described in the Bible, along with the four rivers that flowed out of it  - and not only that, but by careful examination of ancient texts, hypothetical maps, and the fevered, hallucinogenic dreams of my friend, Dr. Tarrec, I have also located those four "Infernal Rivers" that flowed into the Underworld, that is Hades.

And based on this evidence, I have been able to conclude that the deep abyss of torment known as Tartarus, where the Titans and the wicked dead are held in prison is located in modern day West Virginia.

Well, why not?  It's at least as accurate as every other claim of discovery for Eden, or Noah's Ark or what have you...