Aries – The sun
will be darkened and the moon will turn to blood – a sign from God or
atmospheric pollution? Cosmic coincidence or the realism of the
miraculous? Whatever fits this
artificially constructed eschatology will be put to use.
Taurus – I have been given a secret message to deliver to you. Here is what you must do to receive it: Tonight, go outside and record the crickets chirping in your yard. Play back the recording at 1/3 speed and you will hear the mystic message. But I warn you, tell no one what Gryllidae say to you; it is sacred and it is secret, two inches tall or nothing at all
Taurus – I have been given a secret message to deliver to you. Here is what you must do to receive it: Tonight, go outside and record the crickets chirping in your yard. Play back the recording at 1/3 speed and you will hear the mystic message. But I warn you, tell no one what Gryllidae say to you; it is sacred and it is secret, two inches tall or nothing at all
Gemini –
Torquemada did not die and he neither did he forget. I may have to disappear
again if he comes looking for me. You should have an escape route prepared as
well. His wrath is fierce and not usually well aimed.
Cancer – The Garden of Eden will be rediscovered, again. It was found once before, by Christopher Columbus, in the mountains of Venezuela. But he lost it.
Cancer – The Garden of Eden will be rediscovered, again. It was found once before, by Christopher Columbus, in the mountains of Venezuela. But he lost it.
Leo –
Gioacchino da Fiore was the gifted prophet
of his day, the master of contemporary civilization until the third age of
chemistry rendered him obsolete and irrelevant. He waits to return in fire.
Virgo – All of
this was speculative at best before 1949. I never believed it – and not for theological reasons. It was just
foolish. Let me start from the beginning: it was all foolishness. I don’t know how to say it any clearer than
that. I was in North Dakota selling cars, so I couldn’t see it for myself, but
now, now it’s right out in the open for everyone to see.
Libra– We are sleepwalking past the graveyard and throwing rocks at mirrors. It is the darkest hour.
Scorpio – It will rain, but not rain – jellyfish. Invertebrates will fall from clouds the size of man’s fist. No one will see it coming.
Sagittarius – Ancient promises are not taught as battle tactics, not in our schools.
Capricorn – The Ten Plagues have been adjusted for inflation. Fill out the appropriate paperwork to apply for an exemption. Please proved three references.
Aquarius – Your self-aggrandizing vulgarity is humorous, but only from a distance. One of us will have to move away if this is to continue.
Pisces – Your arms are paralyzed. Your legs are afraid. Your eyes undocumented, your tongue revised. Your spleen is gone missing but no one has noticed. Your hair has gone to fight at the front.
Libra– We are sleepwalking past the graveyard and throwing rocks at mirrors. It is the darkest hour.
Scorpio – It will rain, but not rain – jellyfish. Invertebrates will fall from clouds the size of man’s fist. No one will see it coming.
Sagittarius – Ancient promises are not taught as battle tactics, not in our schools.
Capricorn – The Ten Plagues have been adjusted for inflation. Fill out the appropriate paperwork to apply for an exemption. Please proved three references.
Aquarius – Your self-aggrandizing vulgarity is humorous, but only from a distance. One of us will have to move away if this is to continue.
Pisces – Your arms are paralyzed. Your legs are afraid. Your eyes undocumented, your tongue revised. Your spleen is gone missing but no one has noticed. Your hair has gone to fight at the front.
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