Dr. Tarrec’s Free Weekly Horoscope #31

Aries – The alchemical dragon will utter incomprehensible words, for he has been gifted with a human head. Caustic potash and bicarbonate of potassium will be delivered to your door sometime this week. You will have to sign for them.

Taurus – Four golden stars (one dark) are searching for you. They just want to help. But do not expect an apology, explicit or implicit. The older sister is in the upstairs window.  

Gemini – In the past you were not inclined to believe in the power of transmutation, so the dubious reports coming out of Ulaanbaatar (the capital city of Mongolia) are unlikely to provoke you to action. It is possible that surgery could prove effective. Charlatans will form an invisible society.

Cancer – Send for the nurse when you are suffering great grief. The stench of Sulphur and hot fire will follow. The Brotherhood of Games will be there to assist you in your recovery – but they will expect you to pay a great price. They may also dispense illegal medication.

Leo –  The Necromancer (you remember him…) opens the graveyard and disturbs the universe with a handful of earth and goofer dust. Thunder and lightning and snakeskin for a gruesome birth and the doctor is dead. You must choose of the 900 theses to follow.

Virgo – If you cling to these ideas you will encounter open hostility. Prepare for either incarceration or incineration. Expect a plague of rats, an infestation of rodents.

Libra – Unalterable science is not science. 100 dead flies (Sarcophagus ruficornis) will signify a declaration of war, maledictions spoken in the dark.

Scorpio – Saturn was killed in a duel. You must climb the mountains of Mercury to find the strange and precious triangles. Be skeptical of good wine and better days.

Sagittarius – The Shortening of the Way is found – three times – in the ancient texts, but you have only recently become aware of it.

Capricorn – A serpent and a siren, wet sand and slaughter houses. Should there be an arrest? That is is for a judge to decide. Just make sure it isn’t you.

Aquarius – The devil has power to assume a pleasing shape and a well cut uniform. Watch for manicured nails and clean clipped hair. He is a master of mnemotechnic technologies, but not of psychotherapeutic work.

Pisces – Do you desire to establish an infallible dogma? This is your first mistake. Do you follow strange noises into the jungle? That is your second.