Doctor Schnabel, hello? Oh… Doctor Schnabel, I’m sorry I
missed you. I’m just calling to tell you that I’ve noticed something sorta’
weird. Really weird, actually. I wanted
to ask you about it. I would have come in for a consultation, but...well,
whatever. I know you’re busy. It’s okay. Whatever. Perhaps I can just tell you
about it, and you can get back to me whenever.
So, the thing is, I’ve noticed an increasing amount of ear wax in my ear. Ha. Ha. Of course in my ear, right? Where else would ear wax be? So I’ve got all this ear wax building up. And it has a weird smell. Peppery, I suppose. Like Old books and pepper. I checked in Dr. Tarrec’s Demonic Signals and Sigils for Protection and Exorcism, but he says nothing…well, not nothing, but very little about ear wax. He says that clotted ear wax may indicate the approach of the demon Asmodeus, and I’m quoting here, “slowly moving through the planes of existence, slowly, not an instantaneous transition…” I’m not really sure what most of that means, Dr. Schnabel, but I am worried about what may be diableric activity in my ear canal.
You don’t think this could be related to the converging telluric comments I mentioned to you last week, do you? I told you about the strange patterns I’ve been seeing magnetic clouds of steel dust floating over the city, right? Dr. Curtis says… You know Dr. Curtis, right? He says, ‘no.’ But whatever; he’s not an ear, nose, and throat doctor, like you. He’s only a doctor of philosophy. So what does he know, am I right? I mean, that’s Socrates, right?
But he says that it’s not a magnetic thing.
And, did I mention that there are blood stains on my pillowcase in the mornings? Though I’m not convinced that it’s my blood. I don’t know where the blood came from. I don’t know whose blood it might be. It could be mine, I suppose. But if it is mine, I might have to ask – “who’s been in my house? And why?”
I was at the grocery store yesterday, just picking up my weekly groceries… anyway, I started smelling something. I was all the way over in aisle eight – by the bread. Nowhere near the meat department, and I started noticing the smell of rotting meat. Then I realized something: That’s not the smell of rotting meat, it’s the smell of rotting me. That’s not something to worry about is it?
By the way, did you see that thing on television last night? About the tornados in California? And all the Satan worshipping celebrities that are setting their own houses on fire? The owls have been watching, of course. The fires, I mean. Why would owls be watching television, right?
Anyway, I really appreciate your help, Dr. Schnabel. Like I said, I’m sorry to have missed you. This is probably nothing – just the ear wax and the unidentified blood. Oh, and the telluric currents of magnetic steel dust… Oh, and the smell of rotting me. Just that. So… I guess we’ll just let the lab work decide for us.
Only… only… It’s not one of those bacterial rumor infections is it? I’ve been reading abou-
Beeeeeep.
So, the thing is, I’ve noticed an increasing amount of ear wax in my ear. Ha. Ha. Of course in my ear, right? Where else would ear wax be? So I’ve got all this ear wax building up. And it has a weird smell. Peppery, I suppose. Like Old books and pepper. I checked in Dr. Tarrec’s Demonic Signals and Sigils for Protection and Exorcism, but he says nothing…well, not nothing, but very little about ear wax. He says that clotted ear wax may indicate the approach of the demon Asmodeus, and I’m quoting here, “slowly moving through the planes of existence, slowly, not an instantaneous transition…” I’m not really sure what most of that means, Dr. Schnabel, but I am worried about what may be diableric activity in my ear canal.
You don’t think this could be related to the converging telluric comments I mentioned to you last week, do you? I told you about the strange patterns I’ve been seeing magnetic clouds of steel dust floating over the city, right? Dr. Curtis says… You know Dr. Curtis, right? He says, ‘no.’ But whatever; he’s not an ear, nose, and throat doctor, like you. He’s only a doctor of philosophy. So what does he know, am I right? I mean, that’s Socrates, right?
But he says that it’s not a magnetic thing.
And, did I mention that there are blood stains on my pillowcase in the mornings? Though I’m not convinced that it’s my blood. I don’t know where the blood came from. I don’t know whose blood it might be. It could be mine, I suppose. But if it is mine, I might have to ask – “who’s been in my house? And why?”
I was at the grocery store yesterday, just picking up my weekly groceries… anyway, I started smelling something. I was all the way over in aisle eight – by the bread. Nowhere near the meat department, and I started noticing the smell of rotting meat. Then I realized something: That’s not the smell of rotting meat, it’s the smell of rotting me. That’s not something to worry about is it?
By the way, did you see that thing on television last night? About the tornados in California? And all the Satan worshipping celebrities that are setting their own houses on fire? The owls have been watching, of course. The fires, I mean. Why would owls be watching television, right?
Anyway, I really appreciate your help, Dr. Schnabel. Like I said, I’m sorry to have missed you. This is probably nothing – just the ear wax and the unidentified blood. Oh, and the telluric currents of magnetic steel dust… Oh, and the smell of rotting me. Just that. So… I guess we’ll just let the lab work decide for us.
Only… only… It’s not one of those bacterial rumor infections is it? I’ve been reading abou-
Beeeeeep.
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