This Death and a Thousand Others

 

We are only a breath away, a breath away from disaster. The wind, the wind is blowing. Can you hear the word of the Lord?  We are breathing, yes, but with great difficulty with all the smoke in the air, the chemical haze, the particulate matter thrown into the air by the fires and explosions in Des Moines.  

This death, and a thousand others, have I suffered. And have you suffered? Are you satisfied yet? But now I will live my life anew. More than death. More.  How much more would you demand of me?

I sing along with the radio, all the stupid love songs that I used to know. But I don’t feel like myself anymore. I’m pretending to be who I am. I am a stranger even to myself.  Why are you still here? Why are you still here, when you were never here before? I have a memory – a memory of someone I never knew.

It was the loudest explosion I’ve ever heard. Suddenly the lights in the city dimmed and blinked twice before humming back to light. Then the lights blinked out and left us all in darkness.

I will leave speculation and all experiments in idle philosophy. I will leave all chemical persuasions even though I am still exhausted. These are the shared phobias and weak hearts of unloved children. Leave them. Leave me.