Dr. Tarrec’s Free Weekly Horoscope #22

Aries -  You will see snakes on a wire, making phone calls, attempting an escape.  The story ends with the lovers reunited after the fall.

Taurus – Molech in oven-mitts waits to welcome you.

Gemini – Scream into the oncoming sandstorm; it won’t help, but you’ll have been heard.  No.  Scratch that.  No one will hear you over the howling winds.

Cancer – Angry dwarf stars burn out far too soon.  They leave space empty, formless and void, and their fans disappointed.

Leo – Fifteen years from now Fox News will still be reporting on the pentagrams found painted on the walls of the White House basement. Be sure of it.

Virgo – On the other side of the moon is a world of orphans and skull-faced motorcycle outlaws, a postapostolic world of deregulated industry and dark matter.

Libra – A new sickness is invading Edward Hopper cities – apathy after dusk.

Scorpio – Have you tried turning the dead man off and then on again?  It worked for Paul.

Sagittarius – For reasons I don’t have time to explain, your horoscope this week has been delivered in binary:  01010100 01101000 01100101 01110010 01100101 00100000 01101001 01110011 00100000 01101110 01101111 00100000 01100011 01101111 01110010 01110010 01100101 01101100 01100001 01110100 01101001 01101111 01101110 00100000 01100010 01100101 01110100 01110111 01100101 01100101 01101110 00100000 01110100 01101000 01100101 00100000 01101101 01101111 01110110 01100101 01101101 01100101 01101110 01110100 00100000 01101111 01100110 00100000 01110000 01101100 01100001 01101110 01100101 01110100 01100001 01110010 01111001 00100000 01100010 01101111 01100100 01101001 01100101 01110011 00100000 01100001 01101110 01100100 00100000 01111001 01101111 01110101 01110010 00100000 01101101 01101001 01110011 01100101 01110010 01100001 01100010 01101100 01100101 00101100 00100000 01101100 01101001 01110100 01110100 01101100 01100101 00100000 01101100 01101001 01100110 01100101 00101110 00100000 00100000 01000111 01100101 01110100 00100000 01101111 01110110 01100101 01110010 00100000 01101001 01110100 00101100 00100000 01100001 01101100 01110010 01100101 01100001 01100100 01111001.

Capricorn –   At any point during that interminable journey through the arid lands the odd toed ungulate could have been given a name.  A change of name could have averted an evil decree.

Aquarius – We don’t eat cat food! Not on Tuesdays, anyway…

Pisces - The truce has rules that we all agree to ignore, but your violations are quantifiably more egregious than ours. You and all yours must die.