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Wednesday, August 23, 2017

Biblical Limericks: Proverbial Euphemisms


Live all your life with joy and with zest;
enjoy your wife and fondle her breast.
And drink deep from her well,
that’s where pleasure will swell,
and may your, ahem, 'fountain' be blessed.


Proverbs 5: 15 - 19


And - if you like the biblical limericks that I've been writing for a couple of years now, take note:  I am working on, and nearly finished with a book length collection of them. I'll have it to my publisher by the end of this month, and it will be available sometime not long after that.

Monday, August 21, 2017

White Dives and Poor Old Lazarus


There was a rich white man named Dives who used to dress in fine linen suits and who feasted every day on tasty victuals and wines. At his gate there used to be a poor black man named Lazarus, covered with sores (he did not have health insurance, of course). He longed to fill his belly with even the scraps that fell from the rich man’s table. And dogs came to lick at Lazarus’ sores. (Did we mention that he had no health insurance?)

Now it happened that the two men died on the same day. Lazarus was carried away by the angels into the Bosom of Abraham, the rich white man was buried in the family plot and descended into the underworld.

Tormented in Hades, he looked up and saw Father Abraham a long way off with old Lazarus in his embrace. He cried out, “Father Abraham, have pity on me. Send Lazarus to dip the tip of his littlest pinky finger in water to cool y parched tongue. I am in agony here in these flames.”

And Father Abraham said, “My son, remember that during your life you had your fill of good things – you lived a life of privilege, white privilege But Lazarus lived a difficult life; now he is being comforted while you are in agony.”

So Dives said, “Father Abraham, send someone, I beg you. Send someone to speak to my five brothers. Send someone to warn them about this white privilege so they won’t end up here in torment.”

But Father Abraham said again, “They have James H. Cone, Howard Thurman, and Cornel West; let your brothers listen to them.” The rich white man said, “No, Father Abraham. But perhaps if someone came back from the dead they’d listen…”

Father Abraham said, “If they will not listen to Cone, Thurman, and West, they will not be convinced even if Martin Luther King Jr. came back from the dead.”



Saturday, August 19, 2017

The Future is a Waylaid Load


Have you seen the reports of swift-boat pirates on the Mediterranean, of auriferous assassins in the highest levels of the government? They are the immoderate, immodest men. They are material men; pretending to be centrists, they rally round the flag of an immolated future.

The future is a waylaid load, misdirected, rerouted, packed and sorted, repacked, unpacked and still uncounted.

And oh how they exercise their power, they and the other nobles, drinking wine in smoking rooms, and smoking in their drinking parlors. They are conservative men, conspicuous, concupiscent men. Good men. They are the Optimates holding statues and status quo, property and privilege.

Their lawyers speak a private language, all code – no substance.

This is a form of madness and an undiagnosed lust for war. High stakes drunkenness. We live in a city without restraint, without censure, without disclosure. Rule number one: don’t mention the poor. There should be no curiosity, no discovery, no motion. Notorious.

The head spirals down, augers into the ground, while the pontifex maximus augurs an improbable future. The future has been delayed. The sacred mysteries will be obscured. The truth must not be spoken. Silence is a weapon.

We’ll bill the plebs for the research and charge them triple for the cure.


Thursday, August 17, 2017

Biblical Limericks: No Pants


By breastplate and helmet we’re enhanced,
a belt and shoes will improve our stance,
but what covers our legs?
Paul, answer me I begs:
the armor of God includes no pants!


Ephesians 6: 14 - 17


And - if you like the biblical limericks that I've been writing for a couple of years now, take note:  I am working on, and nearly finished with a book length collection of them. I'll have it to my publisher by the end of this month, and it will be available sometime not long after that. 

Wednesday, August 16, 2017

Biblical Limericks: Amanuensis



Don’t think of it as gratuitous;
that we have it is fortuitous,
and don’t neglect this book
for forgotten Baruch
was Jeremiah’s amanuensis.

Baruch 1 - 6


And - if you like the biblical limericks that I've been writing for a couple of years now, take note:  I am working on, and nearly finished with a book length collection of them. I'll have it to my publisher by the end of this month, and it will be available sometime not long after that.

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