Once More Around the Sun

 My girlfriend and I had our first date a year ago at her sister’s annual Halloween party. It’s been a year so I wrote her a song. 

Hidden Nativity

 Ordinarily I am insistent about one holiday at a time. I'm frustrated and irritated when I see Christmas decorations in stores before Halloween, but... 

I spotted this Hidden Nativity this morning while I was out walking in the rain and it gladdened my irritable little heart, so I took a picture of it. 

Living in a Springsteen Song

This Death and a Thousand Others

 

We are only a breath away, a breath away from disaster. The wind, the wind is blowing. Can you hear the word of the Lord?  We are breathing, yes, but with great difficulty with all the smoke in the air, the chemical haze, the particulate matter thrown into the air by the fires and explosions in Des Moines.  

This death, and a thousand others, have I suffered. And have you suffered? Are you satisfied yet? But now I will live my life anew. More than death. More.  How much more would you demand of me?

I sing along with the radio, all the stupid love songs that I used to know. But I don’t feel like myself anymore. I’m pretending to be who I am. I am a stranger even to myself.  Why are you still here? Why are you still here, when you were never here before? I have a memory – a memory of someone I never knew.

It was the loudest explosion I’ve ever heard. Suddenly the lights in the city dimmed and blinked twice before humming back to light. Then the lights blinked out and left us all in darkness.

I will leave speculation and all experiments in idle philosophy. I will leave all chemical persuasions even though I am still exhausted. These are the shared phobias and weak hearts of unloved children. Leave them. Leave me.

 

One of These Days

 

One of these days I will work out my own destruction,
studying my notes – an incomplete thing
- not yet happy, and nowhere near excellent.

I am moving farther and farther away
from great sorrows
and cruel flesh and blood.

It happens to me sometimes –
mostly when I’m alone
against the secret machines.

I am innocent, but not all right.

Overdrawn and Underslept

    I woke, like fabled Nebuchadnezzar, from a dream I could not remember and the whole day that followed was filled with auguries I could not interpret and omens I could not understand:

    The day began with broken plants and scattered dirt. Methodist bells chimed for blood and ancient sacrifices. The sky was heavy with clouds and the threat of rain. The air was full of clanging alarms but no trains. There were strange numbers for unfamiliar places as I walked in circles all over town. I was here before and will be again. I had time to think, but no time to write; time to drink and get into fights. 

    But still I managed to do some of each. I sent futile messages into the void, hoping for a response of rejection or repayment. But expecting neither. And at the end of it all, I stitched myself together as best I could with needle and thread purchased at the dollar store and made dinner for two. I went for a walk into the gloaming but turned back before dark.

    I am overdrawn and underslept. And I worry about tomorrow.