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Thursday, October 26, 2017

The Ranks Must Be Purged

Comrades! Your attention please.

You should, of course, already be aware that this is the final Final Hour and that the AntiChrist approaches, and indeed there are already many antichrists hidden among us.

Be on the lookout for spies, provocateurs, diversionists, and arsonists. Be on the lookout for Red Guards, Trotskyites, reformationists, revisionists, and other enemies of the state hiding at the gate. Watch for Untied Methodists; they may already be in your community.

Watch for the know-nothings drinking Blisterine behind the abandoned paper mill at the edge of town. There are flamboyant illusionists surrounding themselves with idealists – take down their names.

Be on the lookout for Saboteurs and Zapatistas and other assorted shoe freaks.

Other dangerous characters included: Horse thieves, cattle rustlers, sheep molesters, and agrarian revolutionaries. Unapproved sectarians and minor secretaries. All former, current, and potential names on the undisclosed, official (s)hit list. Film critics. Undesirable relatives. Foreign intelligence agents who know more than we do, and readers of Russian literature.

Even surrounded as we are by such a miasmic cloud of adversaries, we could still remain calm except that these nemeses have come from us. The perfidy and putridity is in our own house, sitting in our pew, wearing our uniform.

Comrades! The ranks must be purged. Report all suspicious persons (left-handed or otherwise) to your commanding officer. Report your commanding officer to the Sentry.

Your name will be noted in their report. 

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