Modern American Evangelical Apostles’ Creed

 

I believe in God the Father of America,
     creator of heaven and earth.

I believe in Donald J. Trump, his favorite son, our President.
He was fairly elected by the American people
     despite a totally rigged election.
He suffered under the liberal Democrats
was almost fatally shot, and wounded.
He descended into the liberal hellscape.
On the third day he rose again.
He ascended to the Presidency
     and is seated at the Resolute Desk.
He will come again for a third and fourth term
     to judge his enemies among the living and the dead.

I believe in the MAGA spirit,
the unfettered free market,
that all communists hate America,
that any criticism of Israel is antisemitism,
that Ivermectin cures the body,
and law and order forever. Amen.