Dear Johnny Pentecost

 

    Dear Johnny Pentecost,

    I am a dedicated rapture watcher for many years now, patiently waiting for the flashes of light that will signal war and the next war and the next rumor of war. I’ve been waiting all summer for the next unannounced system failure – halt and catch fire. Should we soon be hearing the drums and drones of war.

    And what of the coming revival? An illegal sequence before the rapture, no?

    Signed - Anxious in Anticipation

    Dear Anxious,

    Your patience will soon be rewarded. Self-proclaimed prophets will come with unintended instructions, but do not despair. Keep an eye on the skies and keep to the program.

    ***

    Dear Johnny Pentecost,

    I am at my end of my rope. My mother-in-law does not regard the Biblical roles assigned to her. She is not a buzzing, but a roll of thunder in my soul. She opens my mail, personal letters, bills, and account statements alike. She has accused me of adultery fifty times if she has done it once. I have reminded her of her place, but she insists and will not submit. And in all of this, my wife says nothing. Please help.

    Signed – Bitter not Better

    Dear Bitter

    Disrespect begins in the head before it moves into the body. But in this case it has gone beyond and has given birth to the contempt of the unbeliever. It may already be too late for her or for you. You must take her by the arm and afterward by the shoulder and shake once or twice (but not more than thrice.) This will be her correction. In the end, unbelievers like her will receive the necessary correction and discipline. Till then you must instruct her in such things as are true, noble, just, pure, lovely and good report. Do not let her speak.

    ***

    Dear Johnny Pentecost,

    My aunt says that Minneapolis is preparing the way for the Antichrist. Is she wrong or is she just crazy?

    Signed – Confused in Saint Paul

    Dear Confused,

    Your aunt may be closer to the truth than you realize. Minnesota, the land of ten thousand lakes and taxes is a leftist, liberal, communist haven and Minneapolis is Moscow on the Mississippi. Minneapolis’ open embrace of the LGBTQI alphabet army is suggestive prophetically.

    In Daniel we read that “he will show no regard for the gods of his fathers or for the desire of women…” Meaning the Antichrist will not only reject his Christian heritage, he will refuse to submit to a Biblical understanding of sexuality.

    It is not prudent to take Biblical instruction from any woman, even a woman as wise and intelligent as your aunt however, in this case she may not be wrong.

The Pentecost Machine