Dr. Tarrec’s Free Weekly Horoscope 37

Aries – An urn of ashes is set next to the flour jar in the kitchen; dad never did make good cookies.

Taurus – The plans of the clumsy fencer have been foiled again. Curses!

Gemini –There is a fine, but significant difference between “someone out looking for you” and “someone looking out for you,” but the sheriff refuses to investigate your claims.

Cancer – I love you, but you are not well. The bacterial counseling sessions have not been going well. We’ll have to take other immediate actions.

Leo – Take either the bowl of Revolution or Revelation. It might be either one-one or the other, but not both. Why do we hesitate before the improbable? We can only delay the impossible.

Virgo – The quest for beauty has replaced the search for truth. Hello? Can you hear me? Please. Where is your number?  It’s your play…

Libra – In the next One Hundred Years we will be frightened. Frightened. You can hear me; I know you can hear me. I am here to help you. I am here to help you. Help you. Nine telephone calls and counting.

Scorpio – You are the victim of catastrophic wars on foreign soil. You have also inherited a common form of suicidal intent. I don’t understand this lack of comprehension. Can you feel math?

Sagittarius – Three strangers have moved into the house next door, three leather clad strangers. Three men on motorcycles ride across the stage. You can see them outside the window, late at night. What are they trying to hide? Drink a nice glass of water and relax. There is no cause for alarm.

Capricorn – Bring on the plague angels, bring on the government. Expect sedative visitors and narcotic guests to arrive before nightfall, just like in Shakespeare.

Aquarius – We can reshape the middle sequence (following World War I) but it will still be too late for dinosaurs and flying reptiles.

Pisces – When everyone is memory, it is all the same. Take a look for yourself.