The Candles of Advent

The First Candle of Advent

To say these lines, to speak this part,
we begin in darkness. In silence.

Lost, forgotten
in Grand Canyons
of cynicism deep.

What did I want when I was a boy?
What do I want now?

Have I become too cynical
with too much subtlety
and too little delight?

Lost, in mist and darkness
a dreamer of dreams
looking for signs and wonders.

A spark,
a chance

and something changes.

From nothing
from nowhere

and it is good
or could be.

We light the candle and hope
that when the long night is over
the light will remain.

The Second Candle of Advent

These candles are too small
the light of our fragile, flickering choice
against cold and angry voices,
lonely, broken tears,
and death -

What is a candle or two,
what is my raspy voice
even joined with yours

against a bleak midwinter that
never seems to thaw?
Against the longest night
and a day that never seems to dawn?

But we’ve lit the flame of hope
and now we burn for peace. 

The Third Candle of Advent

Do they know that I’m a fraud?
I don’t feel these things I say
and when I sing
the hymns collapse.

Rejoice
rejoice

The colors change
the candles burn

Rejoice
rejoice

The melody rises
and catches at the back of my throat

Rejoice
rejoice

I am not
but I will

rejoice

The Fourth Candle of Advent

A singer once asked me,
“Do I feel love where I used to feel hate?”

The days are shorter,
the sun is lower.
I am cold and tired.
My feet hurt.

Do I feel love?

Light another candle.
A little more light,
a little more love.

Do I feel love?

Is that why it hurts to remember?
What you did,
Why you left...

I can’t explain.

Forgive?

A little more love,
a little more light.

The Christ Candle of Christmas

At last, after the fever and the frenzy
after longing and loss
after all the things that have slipped away


The ancient and deep merge with the here and now.
A light in the darkness
A song in the silence

The mind, the heart
intellect and intuition
conscious and subconscious
together
whole

The blessed hope
the appearing
the hope of glory

I do not know about tomorrow
Outside, the gunfire continues
warbling emergency sirens fill the air
mothers weeping for their slaughtered innocents

But here
in the light of this flame
you are here.

As small and fragile as they are
we light these candles as a light in the darkness
and that will not be overcome.