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Tuesday, June 4, 2013

The Apostles in Tin Foil Hats


I will admit it.  It is no secret anyway.  Some of my friends dismiss it as a strange idiosyncrasy or as a forgivable peccadillo – but I really enjoy tales of the weird.  Especially when conspiracy theories and religion intersect.  I love it.  Give me the Knights Templar and Hiram Abiff and the Merovingian Dynasty, I'll  take it.

Currently I’m reading Bloodline of the Holy Grail: The Hidden Lineage of Jesus Revealed by Laurence Gardner.  And though I’m only about 40 pages into it, there have already been a number of howlers – bold statements of tin-foil-hat craziness.  Take for example these descriptions of Jesus’ apostles:

Simon Zelotes – “Simon Magnus (or Zebedee) was head of the West Manasseh Magi, a priestly cast of Samaritan philosophers who supported the legitimacy of Jesus.  It was their ambassadors (the Magi, or wise men) who honoured the baby Jesus at Bethlehem.  Simon was a master showman and manuscripts of his life deal with matters of cosmology, natural magnetism, levitation, and psychokinesis. … “

Judas Iscariot –  “Another well-born nationalist leader of renown was Judas, Chief of the Scribes.  The Dead Sea Scrolls were produced under his tutelage and that of his predecessor, the fierce Judas of Galilee, founder of the Zealot movement.  Apart from his academic scholarship, Judas the Apostle was the tribal head of East Manasseh and a warlord of Qumrân.  The Romans had a nickname for him: to them he was Judas Sicarius (a sica was a deadly, curved dagger).  …

Thomas, according to Gardner, was actually “Crown Prince Phillip” – born into the Herod family, but “lost his inheritance when his mother, Mariamne II was divorced by King Herod…

This is too much fun.



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