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Monday, September 30, 2013

An Excerpt from Dr. Tarrec's Field Guide to Demonic Encounters

In my many years of astrological research and alchemical studies I have often encountered representatives of the infernal realms – demonic forces that, had I not been better prepared, would have flayed my very soul.  These evil spirits infuse the esoteric world.  They are energetic beings stimulating both mystical and chemical reactions.  Many incautious practitioners of the alchemical arts have lost their lives (and their souls) because they failed to heed the many warnings, failed to notice when they had lost control.  There are numerous early warning signs.  Watch for them, lest you become one of the demon possessed.

Here are 47 indicators to watch for.  If you notice any of these signs you should take action immediately to bind any malicious spiritual entities that may be taking an interest in you.

1) Do you smell strange odors?
2) Are your irises purple in color?  Are they larger than normal? Are they evenly sized?
3) Do your unguarded thoughts veer towards thoughts of kittens?
4) Do you have a violent reaction to pictures of Padre Pio?
5) Does your bladder leak when you are in close proximity to a crucifix?
6) Do you have, somewhere in your possession, a wallet sized picture of Adolf Hitler?
7) Do you listen to the music of The Blue Öyster Cult?
8) Can you levitate yourself or others?
9) Have you ever attended a conference with Bob Larson?
10) Do you prefer your steaks rare or well done?
11) Have you ever offended an old gypsy woman?
12) Have you ever been abducted by a UFO or been contacted by an EBE?
13) Have you stood in the center of a crossroads at midnight?
14) Do you believe in spooks?
15) Are you now, or have you ever been a member of The Brotherhood of Games?
16) Do you believe in UFOs, astral projections, mental telepathy, ESP, clairvoyance, spirit photography, telekinetic movement, full trance mediums, the Loch Ness monster and the theory of Atlantis?
17) Have you ever played Dungeons and Dragons? Have you ever participated in LARP?
18) Do you fear the coming of an evil clown apocalypse?
19) Have you ever been struck by lightning?
20) Do experience periodic trances?
21) Do you wear leather?
22) Do you contradict yourself at least three times a day?
23) Do you feel compelled to wash your hands after coming in contact with a religious person?
24) Do you have memories of the Rectification of the Vuldronaii ?  Do you know what is to be roasted in the depths of the Slor?
25) Have you ever been declared “clear” by a member of the Church of Scientology?
26) Does your skin burn when touched by iron?  By silver?
27) Have you ever read from the Naturum De Montum or from The Necronomicon?
28) Have you, or a member of your family, participated in a cattle mutilation?
29) Do you subscribe to the Weekly World News?
30) Have you ever worked for the retail outlet known as S-Mart?
31) Does your mother sew socks that smell?
32) Do you have somnambulistic episodes lasting more than 4 hours?
33) Have you seen a procession of the damned upon the blasted heath?
34) Have you experienced a vision of impossible colours?
35) Do you keep a radioactive meteorite hidden in your basement?
36) Have you consumed the blood of a dead man?
37) Do you celebrate Halloween with costumes and candy?
38) Do you become a wolf when the wolfbane blooms, and the autumn moon is bright?
39) Have you ever been injected with codeine and gasoline or turpentine?
40) Have you ever been bitten by a moose? Has your sister ever been bitten by a moose?
41) Have you visited the house at R'lyeh?
42) Are you restless or irritable at either the Vernal or Autumnal Equinoxes?
43) Have you ever attempted to transmute lead into gold or vice versa?
44) Have you used juju to affect the outcome of professional sporting events?
45) Do you know the identity of Fantômas?
46) Are there people living under your stairs?
47) Have you visited the City of the Dead Man in Hamunaptra, India?

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