1 – I never sleep well
the first night in a hotel. I miss my
family. So I didn’t sleep well last
night. Didn’t sleep at all last night
in fact. It was somewhere around 4 this
morning that I finally was able to settle in the land of Nod.
But I tried to use the
time – and not merely waste it watching goofy monster movies on Netflix. Instead I read a couple more chapters from The Transgender Studies Reader and another
chapter from Heart of Darkness by
Joseph Conrad. I also wrote a 400 words
short story that I’m going to hang on to for a bit before I decide whether or
not to post it here on the blog.
2- I am an Introvert by
nature. If I have to attend meetings, I’d
rather sit in the back of the room and not participate – except when it’s a
topic in which I’m interested. The other
folks in our sessions today did not believe me when I told them that I am very
much an introverted person. I’m not
shy. Especially, it seems, when you get
me talking about serving in response to tragedies and disasters.
This surprised me a little bit. Why was I participating so much? I don't do that... But I think I realized something about myself today – I enjoy disaster work. Enjoy? What a terrible word. Who enjoys seeing the devastation and despair that follows in the wake of natural and manmade disasters? Only psychopaths. I don’t enjoy that. I –apparently – enjoy being able to serve people in that time.
I am not an adrenaline junkie, or an ambulance chaser. But I have found, in many experiences, a measure of fulfillment in coming alongside those who are suffering.
3 – My wife sometimes jokes that I am Spock – I’m not. I have nowhere near that level of emotional control. I’m just a bit more Stoic than she is. But when I haven’t slept well, and when I’ve sat through 9 hours of training in a single day, my emotions start to sit pretty close to the surface. Some of the things I’ve seen during disaster deployments have been pretty horrible. I’ve sat with families who’ve lost children. I’ve seen towns leveled by uncontrollable natural forces. At several points today I felt my eyes getting a little moist and my throat felt a little tight. All those things – years and years in the past – continue to affect who I am today.
This surprised me a little bit. Why was I participating so much? I don't do that... But I think I realized something about myself today – I enjoy disaster work. Enjoy? What a terrible word. Who enjoys seeing the devastation and despair that follows in the wake of natural and manmade disasters? Only psychopaths. I don’t enjoy that. I –apparently – enjoy being able to serve people in that time.
I am not an adrenaline junkie, or an ambulance chaser. But I have found, in many experiences, a measure of fulfillment in coming alongside those who are suffering.
3 – My wife sometimes jokes that I am Spock – I’m not. I have nowhere near that level of emotional control. I’m just a bit more Stoic than she is. But when I haven’t slept well, and when I’ve sat through 9 hours of training in a single day, my emotions start to sit pretty close to the surface. Some of the things I’ve seen during disaster deployments have been pretty horrible. I’ve sat with families who’ve lost children. I’ve seen towns leveled by uncontrollable natural forces. At several points today I felt my eyes getting a little moist and my throat felt a little tight. All those things – years and years in the past – continue to affect who I am today.
Another several hours
of training material tomorrow, but I anticipate that I’ll be better
rested. I look forward to them.
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