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Monday, August 11, 2014

Dr. Tarrec’s Free Weekly Horoscope #13

Aries – There is a horse hiding behind the potted plant in your living room.  Look carefully; you’ll see him.  There.  He’s behind the ficus. What? Seriously? You can’t see this? It’s a horse! In your living room! Come on!

Taurus -The price has been paid; your admission has been purchased.  So has your confession…

Gemini – I wouldn’t.  It appears quite unprobable.  Unprophetable as well.

Cancer –   She is headless beneath the lamp.  There is screaming, but not from her. Maybe it is nothing more than a trick of the light. 

Leo – Is this a commercial or is it real life? For a brighter happier tomorrow try the wide variety of products from Pharmachem. 

Virgo – The hour has come at last.  The helicopters are hovering.  Things fall apart. 

Libra – A flag is burning in the dark on the road between here and there.  It is a real place but I’ve never been there.

Scorpio – The ashes of Jonestown remain uncovered and unfound.  It is up to you to find them.   I would say more about this but this isn’t a secure line. 

Sagittarius – Your budget proposal will go through eight more revisions before it is finally rejected. You may as well begin working on next year’s proposal now. 

Capricorn –I don’t know the future of earthquakes and weird human disasters - but I am very nervous, frightened actually, by your extravagantly raised eyebrows.  Anyway, consult the books of Ezekiel, Daniel, and Revelations for more information about the earthquakes and stuff.

Aquarius – The wounds are silent on the beach. The wounded were not...

Pisces - I think that we’re out of eyesight and earshot, but even so the bitter tones he used when we spoke last do not excuse his flight.

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