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Monday, December 15, 2014

The Santa Problem


It was mid-August when the heads of the families met together to discuss “the Santa problem.” There was Don Geoffrey of the Toys Я Us family, Don Walton of the Wal-Mart Syndicate, Don Schwarz of the FAO Schwarz family (the oldest family in the North American territories),  the consiglieri of the Amazon family, and the aging Don of the once powerful KB family.

“Gentlemen” intoned Don Geoffrey, “you know why we are here.  We have, year after year, increased our Christmas toy sales in all territories - all except our esteemed KB friends…”  He paused to allow those assembled to express their commiseration and condolences with silent nods.  “But we still have a problem.”

“Claus!” shouted Don Schwarz as he pounded the table with his fist.

“Indeed.  Santa Claus, Kris Kringle, Pere Noel, Saint Nicholas.  The jolly old fat man still manages to corner the market on toys every year, giving away his toys for free to children all around the world.  How can we be expected to compete against this kind of unfair practice?”

“How indeed?” grunted Don KB

“In the past we have tried to be reasonable.  We have tried to work around him.  We have offered partnerships, we have offered bribes to his miserable little elves.  But still he manages to defeat us every Christmas.”

“What can we do?” asked Don Schwarz, chomping on a fat cigar.


Don Geoffrey grinned; he had hoped someone would ask this question.  “The fat man must be eliminated…” 

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