My eccentric and esoteric friend, Dr. Tarrec, left his self-imposed isolation during the night to bring me this list of questions. It was written on a torn scrap of a brown paper bag; he slipped it into my mailbox sometime after 3 AM.
Unfortunately, I cannot answer any of them.
1 – Why are the Rosicrucians being allowed to ride smooth over our democratic pretense?
2 – Why are Jazz and Communism being combined in coffee shops?
3 – Why are vandals being paid by foreign agents to ransack our nation’s classrooms?
4 – Why are personal values and integrity kept, locked, in a secret vault?
5 – Who is profiting from this lucrative conspiracy?
6 – Why are false ideas of breathing in the New Era being disseminated in celebrity interviews?
7 – Why are pro-survival decisions being taken of our hands by Rosicrucian agents disguised as auditors?
8 – Why are insane women allowed to answer the phone at the petting zoo?
9 – Why don’t things bother me the way they used to?
10 – Why don’t I react to sunlight anymore? To water?
11 – Is it even possible to move up and down the Tone Scale at will? Are we free?
12 – Why is the Illuminati working with the Vatican to fill our minds with Thetans?
13 – Where is “Reputation Road”?
14 – How deeply is the Tri-lateral commission linked to the World Council of Churches?
16 – Who is dreaming the Zombie Nightmare?
17 – Why should we study the so-called “industrial arts”?
18 – Is the Dilithium in our water supply contaminating the purity of our essence?
19 – How many clowns are in that car?
20 – Who will win the Future War?
21 – How many corpses have vanished from the lunchroom at Miskatonic University?
22 – Why am I dressed like a rock video slut?
23 – Why have the black helicopters increased their surveillance flights over my house in the last month?
24 – Cui bono? Sonny Bono? Bono?
25 – What connection is there between Princess Diana, Tupac Shakur, and Herbert Hoover’s defeat in the 1932 election?