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Tuesday, June 24, 2014

Dr. Tarrec’s Free Weekly Horoscope #6

Aries – Twenty thousand years of the reign of the moon have passed.  Now is the time to take up arms against her.  Fire all of your guns at once at the lunar tyrant. Shoot the moon.  Long live the sun.

Taurus – Do you hear those ringing bells? No.  Not the church bells, the other ones.  Make it stop. It’s not Christmas yet.

Gemini – You are too late for the execution.  Next time leave earlier, and don’t dawdle along the way.

Cancer – A “Great Man” falls like lightning during the day.  When lightning strikes the church during Sunday services the pianist will be killed.  Watch the weather forecast for thunderstorm warnings.

Leo – Seated at night in your secret study, alone, hovering over your typewriter, you hear a low droning noise.  It is not a diesel engine idling in the streets.  It is your cerebral cortex. Listen to it.

Virgo – Iconoclasm is once again in vogue. Go crazy.  Cut the heads off religious statuary.  It’s fun.

Libra – There is a panther in the woods.  The first taken is the first to testify. Only the second may be rescued from his claws.

Scorpio – Lay siege to the city by night and the stars will assist you.  However, few will escape from the sea.  There the starfish are melting and no one can explain it.

Sagittarius – A woman in Indonesia gives birth to a lizard, a gecko.  This is weird stuff, man.

Capricorn – Seek for the bones of Psellus; only he can describe the inhabitants of the planets that are neither departed souls nor angels.  Only he can answer the question of the eternity of the world.

Aquarius – Before the changing of the empires comes you will have a tragic accident.  Put on a clean pair of underwear and continue as before.  You can endure this humiliation.

Pisces – Your bank is at risk to hypnotists.  I suggest closing your account and moving your funds to another establishment.

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