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Monday, September 29, 2014

Dr. Tarrec’s Free Weekly Horoscope #14

Aries – In 1,500 words describe the beginning from the end.  Use examples from the text and our in class discussions.  TNR, 12 point, double spaced.

Taurus - Eden is not for sale and the Hanging Gardens were just a dream.  Would you settle for something in West Virginia?

Gemini – The Question You Must Ask is this:  Is bombing goat-herders really the best use of modern military firepower? 

Cancer –   Who left footprints in the mud beneath the window?  He was initially labeled as Homo Neanderthalensis but he prefers to be called “Enno.”

Leo – I know who is behind the hypnochemical fog dispersals in mid-western high schools and roller rinks.  It is that criminal mastermind Düsterdieck and his Jovian militants.  I cannot say more about this, not in open channels.  Meet me at the usual place for more information.

Virgo – The third angel is dead, his body interred in a sealed vault beneath Groom Lake.  You must exhume the remains before the next full moon.  It is imperative that you are successful.  The fate of the world depends upon it.

Libra – The revived AntiChrist will continue his tyranny for 42 months or 60,000 miles, whichever comes first.  Your dictator may perform differently according to use and local conditions.

Scorpio – Heart Cancer is extremely rare, crabby hearts less so.

Sagittarius – The information ferrets developed by the genetic manipulators of the NSA have inexplicably become even more perverse.  This must end, and soon.

Capricorn – Presently the citizens of many European Countries are seeking to unite their economic efforts.  Their goal?  EUROPE UNITED.  As early as 1982 we may see a single currency used all across the European continent. 

Aquarius – What were you doing to stop the four successive hordes that ravaged the Holy Roman Empire in the 4th and 5th centuries?  I’ll tell you what you were doing.  Nothing.  Absolutely nothing.

Pisces – The very position of the seventh seal, separated as it is from the other seals, should be enough to convince you that it is concerned with the crepuscular years of the United States of America.  This has all been thoroughly documented in the film Death Race 2000.   

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