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Thursday, August 29, 2013

Dr. Tarrec’s Free Weekly Horoscope #3

Aries:  There is something just below the surface causing unusual ripples and waves in the otherwise still waters of your life.  Perhaps it is a creature like the Loc Ness Monster.  You should try to get a picture of it.  People will pay good money for pictures like that.

Taurus:  An image of the Virgin Mary will appear to you this week.  When it does you should seek and heed her advice.  If, however, it should be an apparition of The Iron Lady, Margaret Thatcher, you may want to think twice.

Gemini:  As the song says, “The passion of lovers is for death,” but don’t worry.  Considering your circumstances, you should live a long life.

Cancer:  Your self-imposed quarantine is coming to an end.  Wash your face and do something about your bad breath before going out among people again.

Leo:  There is treasure to be found in the nearby pond, diamonds hidden inside the mouths of frogs.  Do not seek the treasure.  Let it find you.

Virgo:  Try new shoes.  That always seems to help.

Scorpio:  You seem to have fallen victim to absurdity.  Why not embrace it? The poets will thank you.

Sagittarius:  The woman of the snow, with her pale skin, dark as night hair, and soft blue lips is waiting to meet you in the mist.  If you know her name, she may release you.

Capricorn:  Great Vladimir Putin in lingerie! Do you realize what you’ve done?

Aquarius:  The atmosphere of the Earth was once much more sensitive to changes is solar radiation, but you should stop blaming Sunspot activity for your bad temper. 

Pisces:  The NSA has targeted you for *******.  Be sure to ******** until Tuesday or ******* or *******.   Deposit the package ******** under ******** for our agents to find.  You will be contacted after **********. 

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