Aries: What began as a lark has the potential of
becoming quite dangerous. You should stop now before anyone else contracts gastroenteritis. The
items you left in your high school locker have been identified as yours; you
should reclaim them, soon.
Taurus: A fondness for fungus will bring
unexpected opportunities for travel. Go for it. All mushrooms are edible...once.
Gemini: Like the lobster, you have a tendency toward cannibalism. Protect your children. Global warming and rising water temperatures
may be the cause of your errors in judgment, but try to make amends before the week
is over.
Cancer: Now is not the time to investigate another incident
of cattle mutilations. The winds of
blame are shifting. Extra-terrestrials
are falling out of favor. You could be
next. There will be no witness, no one
will see or hear anything, but the tongues of the beasts will be removed. Don’t let them wag about you.
Leo: Brittle
teeth and bones can be replaced. Epithelial
cells collected from your urine make great source material.
Virgo: Be active
and vigorous this week. The sedentary
will be devoured by hungry dogs, starting with the testicles.
Libra: Watch for
roaming herds of prehistoric wooly mammoths.
They will ask you for a favor. You would be wise to refuse.
Scorpio: Ring the bells. Sound the alarm. Communion wafers are bleeding within the
shrine.
Sagittarius: The rising
of Jupiter and Venus should not be mistaken for Chinese spy drones. Prudent
decisions are based on accurate information.
Capricorn: The Carrier Pigeons you used to send your last
messages have gone off course. They will
be found, fed and returned to you, but the messages will not have arrived. Prepare for plans to falter because of this communication
failure.
Aquarius: Beware
of sentient dolls.
Pisces: Even decapitated
snakes should not be trusted. They can
still bite.
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