This Week Only: The High Lord Exorcist, Sceva and His Seven Sons

    “Come one, come all” shouted the carnival style barker with a pencil thin mustache and a straw boater hat, “Roll up! Roll up for the magical, mystical exorcism show starring the High Lord Exorcist known throughout the Levant and all points east as the Chief Priest, Sceva and his Seven Sons! This week only! See them today because they won’t be here long! Lay down a fin and see the show. Lay down a sawbuck and we’ll let you participate in the show.” Crowds thronged in the narrow Ephesian streets to see the world-famous exorcists. They clamored and shouted, screaming out the name “Sceva! Sceva! Sceva!” over and over again in their enthusiasm and excitement.

    Careful investigation may have revealed that Sceva was not actually related to the priest Zadok, or a member of any of the priestly families and that he had never actually presided over any sacrifice. He may have claimed high rank as a priest of God, but he’d never served in the Temple in Jerusalem. That the seven young men who assisted him in the exorcisms were his sons was also a dubious proposition. They probably weren’t even brothers.

    But the throngs of people screaming out the name “Sceva!” couldn’t care less. They were thrilled by his supernatural performances in the market square and wanted more of them. They came every day to see Sceva and his sons drive out all demons and astral spirits, all the kosmokratores of the heavenly spheres who were responsible for ailments, afflictions and physical maladies of every kind.

    “The magical, mystical exorcism revue is about to begin!” the street-corner barker called out to the passing crowds. The citizens of Ephesus put down their coin, cash on the barrel, to see the show. They came to feel the exhilaration of being in the presence of Kuru demons – the demons responsible for cannibalistic brain disease. They came for the thrill of seeing Astatine spirits, rare and radioactive, spirits who do not want to exist and are usually vaporized by their own heat, a half-life measured in hours. And yet, in that time, they can do significant damage.

    “Step up to witness superhuman marvels beyond belief!” the barker called, and the crowds came to see the show.

    The Lord once, in the primordial past when waters still covered the entirety of the earth, split the sea and smashed the heads of dragons in the waters, those extraordinary, uncanny beasts from the deep, dragons of no taxonomy, no classification, no order, no kingdom except the kingdom of darkness. But the Jews of Ephesus plunked down their coins to watch the itinerant exorcist Sceva and his seven spangled and sequined sons as they displaced demons with a colorful display of vomited gall.

    The Sons of Sceva called for a volunteer from the audience, someone troubled by a demonic presence. And a bandy-legged old man raised his hand. “I am possessed by an unclean spirit,” he said. Then, waving their mystagogic amulets – amulets containing secret inscriptions and sealed with wax – the seven sons of Sceva began the exorcism ritual as their nominal father looked on.

    They spoke in turns, invoking the sacred phrases:

    “I adjure you by the name of the angel Uriel, the power of light, regent of the sun.”
    “I adjure you by the name of the angel Raphael, the power of health, and binder of desert demons.”
    “I adjure you by the name of the angel Raguel, bringer of fire and harmony.”
    “I adjure you by the name of the angel Samael, angel of venom and poison.”
    “I adjure you by the name of the angel Michael, the great prince of heaven.”
    “I adjure you by the name of the angel Gabriel, the power of strength and player of cool jazz.”
    “I adjure you by the name of the angel Phanuel, the face of God, sustainer of hope and health.”

    And then all held their amulets aloft and, with a choreographed little dance shouted in unison, “Gathered together the forces of heaven, numbering seven, archangels forever. Amen!” And the audience cheered.

    Then, after quieting the crowd again, the old man Sceva himself spoke in a ventriloquist voice that seemed to come from everywhere at once:

    “Great is the ineffable name of the Lord, by the God of the Hebrews, by the unerring knowledge of all that exists. I adjure you by the maker of heaven and earth, to smite you with a mighty blow, to destroy you by the angel of his fierce wrath. I cast out every incubus of natural disease. I cast out all anguipede inversions of the sacred name – even if they be embodied as a man with a rooster’s head and snakes for legs. I cast out ravaging angels, Lilith demons, and bastard spirits. Owls and weaving spiders come not here. I cast out polluted blood, corrupted bile - be it yellow or be it black - and all congested phlegm. Your horns are horns of dust. Your stones are soft. Your eyes are weak. The light that shines from the sun will not find you. To condemn you to lowest Hades, to lie in darkness.”

    The seven sons formed a circle around the bandy-legged old man and began their chant.

    “By the name of Jesus of Nazareth and the name of his servant Paul…”

    But this is as far as they got before the demon within the man interrupted in a voice that rattled shingles from the roofs of nearby buildings. “Jesus I recognize, yes. Yes. Jesus I recognize, and Paul I know. Yes. Yes. Paul I know. But you? Who the hell are you lot?”

    The spindly little man leapt to his feet and slashed out with his untrimmed nails – gashing their faces and gouging their eyes. He grabbed the nearest one while swiftly ramming his knee into his groin. He bashed his elbow into the nose of one of the boys. Blood sprayed.

    The sons of Sceva fled the scene screaming, following after their father who’d begun running as soon as the demon began to speak. “I don’t know you!” the demonized man shouted in a voice louder and deeper than possible with human vocal cords. “I don’t know you!” He laughed after them as they ran away with their matching outfits in tatters. “I don’t know you!”

Prophecy Club Minutes - 06.16.26

 

Prophecy Club

06.16.26
7:34 pm
First Bethel Baptist Church Basement

ATTENDANCE

Present Members: Brothers Haggai, Joel, Daniel, Jonah, Ezekiel, Micah (arrived late) and Agabus
Guests Present: “Brother Abel”
There was a quorum present

ORDERS OF BUSINESS

The meeting opened with our standard invocation: “Open our eyes that we may see wonderful things in your law.” Open our eyes now, Lord. Amen.

The minutes of the previous meeting were read and entered into the record.

Unfinished Business

Brother Joel presented a report from the UAP Committee (Formerly UFO Committee) concerning the Committee’s letterhead and business cards. The business cards were received in order, but the letterhead had to be returned due to a misspelling.

New Business

Brother Jonah reported that he’d heard from a friend, who had been told by his doctor that the hospital’s pharmaceutical sales rep had mentioned that they are encouraged to get their “5 by 50” – that is getting people on five different medications by the age of fifty. Brother Jonah wondered if the group thought this something worth considering and investigating. Brother Joel suggested that this sounds like it might be an urban legend. And, in any case, the information reported was little more than hearsay.

Brother Ezekiel of the Man of Perdition Committee reported that online search results indicate that the following individuals should be considered as possible candidates for the Antichrist: Donald J. Trump, Elon Musk, King Charles III, and Emmanuel Macron. Brother Ezekiel indicated that the committee would investigate King Charles III and Macron but did not believe that either Trump or Musk warranted an investigation. Brother Agabus commented that this was “myopic.”

Brother Daniel motioned that Brother Agabus be issued a Waterless Cloud Warning Card. The motion was seconded by Brother Joel. Per the Prophecy Club bylaws, a Waterless Cloud Warning Card censure must be passed unanimously. No abstentions are permitted. Vote was called. Brother Haggai voted No. The censure failed to pass.

Brother Joel of the UAP Committee was asked about the blue clouds that appeared recently over the Midwest. Brother Joel reported that the Chinese Landspace Zhuque 2E Y5 rocket – launched from the Dongfeng commercial space innovation pilot zone in northwest China – carrying a 2.8 ton payload into a 900 km polar orbit, had dumped methalox (a methane and liquid oxygen fuel mixture). That was the cause of the bright blue clouds. Further questions were raised concerning the timing of this event, occurring as it did during Trump’s visit to China. Several members wondered if this were coincidence or something more nefarious. Brother Joel promised to investigate.

Special Guest “Brother Abel” reported that during a recent trip to Oklahoma he’d had a dream in which he was preaching on the role of the United States of America in Biblical prophecy. In the middle of the sermon, a severe weather alert was broadcast on the radio. There were storms, and fiery tornadoes, and the multicolored sun appeared to dance a zigzag across the sky. “Brother Abel” asked for the Prophecy Club to help him consider the implications of this dream. Lengthy discussion followed.

Brother Micah asked whether the group should consider a service project for the poor or the immigrants who have been moving into the neighborhood around First Bethel Baptist. Discussion was tabled for lack of time.

CLOSING

Brother Joel led us in the closing prayer: Lord, You are our refuge and fortress. Guard our hearts and minds. Protect us from demonic attack, physical harm, and emotional wounds. Keep us safe in the shadow of Your wings. Amen.

We will hold the next board meeting on 07.16.26 at 7:34pm. The meeting will be a top-secret Strategy Briefing. The password will be: a vision from their own heart, not the mouth of Jehovah. Do not share with nonmembers.

The meeting ended at 11:34pm
[Signatures of minute taker and board president]

Previous Minutes: 
05.16.26
Topics for Discussion

Can’t Consecrate Your Church without a Relic, Sir

    I met the relic merchant Jacob Spatharios in Ephesus. He had a little shop there then. He’s had to relocate several times since then – always ready to pick up and head on down the road a ways to set up a new shop in a new location, under a new name. But at the time he had quite an assortment of relics and other religious oddments for sale at his little shop in Ephesus. And all of them were, according to the hand lettered sign in the window, “Guaranteed thaumaturgically effective or your money back.”

    He had on display the foot and comb of the cock that crowed before Peter’s denial of the Christ. He had Pontius Pilate’s pinky decoder ring – used to decode and translate secret communiques and dispatches from Rome. He had the beak of Phillip’s pet cuttlefish, Saint Helveticas’ earlobe, Saint Albedo’s reflection, and Zerubbabel’s trowel and plumb-bob. He even showed me a bottle of Noah’s wine – once considered a very fine vintage. He declined to offer me a taste saying that it had long since turned to vinegar. ¹

    “Can’t consecrate your church without a relic, sir,” he told me, “not since the second council of Nicaea in the year 787.” He told me this as he offered a bicuspid from Hugh of Lincoln for my inspection. Hugh of Lincoln had once himself bitten the ulna bone of Mary Magdalene. He also showed me a chunk of stone which had been scored with teeth marks. “Count Fulk of Anjou went on pilgrimage to Jerusalem some years ago. In the holy sepulcher he knelt at the tomb of Christ and bit off a piece of the stone with his own teeth. He carried this bit of stone away and now, after a circuitous route and many exciting exploits that are too strange to be believed, sir, it has come to me and I offer to you. And at a significant discount. I’m practically giving it to you. It would make a fine cornerstone for the construction of any new church, sir.” But I waved it aside.

    “What’s this,” I asked as I picked up a plank of wood, “a board from Noah’s ark?”

    “No sir,” he said smiling, “everyone’s got a bit of Noah’s ark these days, just like everyone has a piece of the 'True Cross.' You’re right to be a little suspicious as there are many devious salesmen who would take your money and sell you the purported foreskin of Jesus, which would prove to be nothing more than a bit of dried bit of bacon. But you can trust me, sir. I wouldn’t lie to you. That there, sir, is an actual timber used in the scaffolding during the construction of the Tower of Babel.”

    I looked at him in disbelief.

    “It’s true, sir. I stole it myself.”

    “You stole it?”

    “Yes, sir. Noble trade it is, our relic thieving. Furta Sacra, if you like. The hero of the trade is a monk named Felix who once carried off the remains of Saints Agapitus, Cecilia, Columbana and several others. Me own da’, who was never quite so renowned as that lucky monk, once stole a pair of Fatima’s earrings from the basilica in Tyre.”

    “Fatima’s earrings,” I wondered aloud. “I thought these were Christian artifacts.”

    “They are sir, finest in the region. Did I say Fatima? I’m sorry, sir. It must have been mislabeled by the novices in Tyre. Them there were Joan of Arc’s earrings. Simple mistake, sir. But no harm done, right? No harm done. You know what they say, sir. The relics of the saints that the Lord has provided for us gush with fragrant oil.”

    He whisked the earrings out of sight into one of the many hidden pockets of his voluminous robe and, in the same motion, drew out a sachet bag. “What?” I asked. “And what is that?”

    “Is it unbelievable, good sir, that if God poured water out of a rock in the desert and for thirsty Samson in the desert, provided water from the jawbone of an ass, is it unbelievable that fragrant oil should pour out from the relics of the saints?”

    He paused and smiled, then with a flourish displayed the sachet bag to me. “This, my friend, is what remains of Saint Polycarp. After his death by fire, my great-grandfather Nicetes who was captain of the guard, pleaded with the magistrates to allow him gather up the ashes and bones that remained and to take them to a suitable place where they could be venerated by the faithful. But, truth be told,” he said as he glanced out the window, scanning the street in both directions, “I don’t actually have a license to deal in the holy artifacts. There was a slight… mistake with the paperwork. But for you I will make a special deal.”

    “I don’t see any oil,” I told him. He frowned and removed the sachet bag from view.

    Jacob Spatharios had many other relics and wonders in his shop but the objects that fascinated me that morning as I stood among the clutter of curios were a carefully folded handkerchief (stained with sweat) and an apron which were once owned and used by the apostle Paul. Jacob claimed that touching them to the sick and infirm would cure them of their illnesses and expel their demons. I might have purchased one or two of them for myself but I was skeptical of Spatharios’ thaumaturgical guarantee -and more than a little leery of his lack of licensure. The netherworld of the shadowy relic and antiquities market recognizes no borders and flouts all legalities and rules, ignores academics and scientific researchers. I don’t trust them.

    “What’ll it be, then?” Jacob asked ready for a sale. “The handkerchief? The apron? Something from the back room, perhaps. Something reserved for discerning customers such as yourself, sir?” he said with a disturbing leer.

    But I declined to purchase anything from his shop. His collection of curious was certainly curious, but however charged those items might have once been with the uncanny charisma and supernatural power when I saw them in Spatharios’ display cabinets they were old and inert – mere physical objects from the past, reminders of what could be, dead remainders of what the living God can do.

1Jacob Spatharios also had an extensive collection of documents and papers of religious import – ancient texts in a cardboard box pressed between recent pages of the daily newspaper - including the one hundred sixteen pages lost from the original Book of Mormon, the first draft of the so-called “Salamander Letter” and the “Satanic verses” purged from the words of the prophet (peace be upon him). These were all very suspect and I did not look long at them.

 Acts 19. 11-12

Dream Police and Rêv Conditioning

    “What am I going to do? I’ll be marked for Rêv Conditioning for sure. It’s illicit dreaming. A 0180 infraction with repeat modifiers.”

    “What are you talking about, Jeff?”

    “I’ve been dreaming about Shay – a woman that I work with.”

    “Multiple occasions?”

    “Three times now. The first time I dreamt that she pulled open her blouse to show me her new bra, but I recognized it as one of my ex-wife’s brassieres.”

    “That is strange. And the second?”

    “We – Shay and I – were at a museum together when her husband showed up to accuse me of having an affair with her. In the dream she defended me, saying that it wasn’t true – even though she knew, in the dream, I did in fact want to have an affair with her.”

    “And the third?”

    “The third was just the opposite. She was cold me, refused to speak to me or to look at me. And when I asked if I’d offended her in some way she said ‘Nothing.’”

    “She wouldn’t answer you?”

    “No. I asked if I’d offended her and she answered only with the word ‘Nothing.’”

    “It sounds as if you’re right to be concerned about the Dream Police.”

    Agents of the Imperial Dream Police smear a thin layer of ectoplasm over their naked bodies which acts as both an aphrodisiac gel and as an infiltration serum. This, along with the nictitating membranes that cover their eyes, allows them to slip into the unconscious sights and sounds of your sleep and dreams. And the sodium thiopental they secrete from their pores allows them to see through the absurdities of the dream and to know the truth of your reveries. They are weird figures dressed in white suits and dark-faced transparent helmets, communicating in grunts, clicks, and whistles.

    Dreams are great magicians, conjuring up fully formed and vanishing locomotives on their way to purgatory, poisoned uteruses, and piles of eggs stacked in the corner of the room.

    It all seems rather obvious in the light of the new morning, I suppose. Hardly even worth writing about. But if we accept the interpretive principle that we are each individual within our dreams, these rather commonplace dreams might become somewhat more revelatory. I don’t know what to think about that. I don’t know if I want to think about that. There’s too much bleeding in the Red Zone City to worry about a nightmare of knives and ex-wives.

    There will be no telephone apologies, only bad dreams. And I cannot worry about the Dream Police right now. Politicians may be able to get away with that sort of lack of concern – and not just in dreams, in waking life too. But me? Not so much. The Dream Police don’t care what the dreams mean. Symbols are arbitrary. Signifier and signified are both fluid- there’s no enduring link between the two. Meaning is irrelevant to their procedures. There’s too much else going on.

    And the Dream Police are jealous of their magic.

What This is This? (Acts 4: 1-12)

    Some of you – those of you who see my Facebook posts, or who have read my books perhaps, may have figured out that I have strong opinions. And that I am not afraid or ashamed to put them out to the public. I am somewhat outside the political mainstream. Not a Republican. Not a Democrat. But something other. I’m not much of a patriot. I’m a pacifist. Radical? Maybe. Troublemaker? Not intentionally. I’m not afraid of conflict, but conflict is not my goal but it’s often there.

    This distinction, however, has been lost sometimes. I was kicked out of seminary after the Principal decided he needed to break me of my ‘rebellious spirit.’ And after having been restored and ordained, I spent twenty years at odds with the administration of my denomination. Consistently under review and frequently on probation. I was scrutinized. I was mentored and monitored.

    So – I chuckle a bit when I’m trusted with today’s pericope, with its theological and political uproar. Peter and John causing a public disturbance. Confrontation with the political and religious authorities – it sounds like my life.

    We’re continuing the story that began with the healing Pastor Mark discussed last week, when Peter and John at the Beautiful Gate saw the man born lame – “Silver and gold have I none, but such as I have I give unto thee – in the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, rise up and walk.” I must have memorized that verse as a boy; I still hear it in the King James Version.

    And that man went walking and leaping and praising God into the Temple.

    Following the miraculous healing of the man born lame, Peter and John launched into an extemporaneous sermon about crucifixion and resurrection of Jesus – which had occurred in the most recent days, and how faith in this risen Jesus is what restored the crippled man to health, and how “it was for you in the first place that God raised up his servant Jesus and sent him to bless you as every one of you turns from his wicked ways.”

    And then comes the repression. Then comes the suppression. The priests and the captain of the guard and members of the Sadducees were annoyed by Peter and John’s teaching - specifically about the resurrection of the dead – and arrested Peter and John and put them in prison overnight.

    What reason? What charges? Pffffffft. We don’t need reason. We don’t need charges.

    The next day Peter and John were hauled before the court to explain themselves. “By what power and by whose name have you done this?” There are no charges listed. There are no offenses. But Peter and John are called upon to justify their actions. By what power and by whose name have you done this, the leaders asked.

    So here’s the question. What this is this?

    “Are we being arrested for this act of kindness?” Peter asked “Are you asking us about an act of kindness to a crippled man and asking us how he was healed?” Are we being detained because we acted with kindness and compassion to someone in need?

    And this sounds like a bit of the hyperbole of the absurd. Surely you wouldn’t arrest us and put us in the cells overnight because of an act of kindness. That’s absurd. Right? In what world would that make sense?

    But in our world today it’s less an absurd notion than maybe we’d like to think; when public figures are deriding kindness and empathy as the curse and ruination of Western Civilization. “I can’t stand the word empathy” said one such figure. “I think empathy is a made up, new-age term that does a lot of damage.” (Charlie Kirk)

    Kindness will not be tolerated in much of the world these days – especially in places where it is needed most. Consider the fact that over 400 humanitarian workers have been killed in Gaza since the outbreak of that war – that genocide. Doctors and rescue workers have been targeted by snipers and bombed by airstrikes, even when they’ve been traveling in clearly marked ambulances or UN vehicles. Food and medical supplies are denied to the population within the war zone. Kindness will not be tolerated there.

    So, no. It’s no longer the hyperbole of the absurd to ask if we’re being arrested for an act of kindness.

    Perhaps Peter and John were arrested for a difference of theological doctrine?

    To understand here we need to recognize that there were a number of divisions within the Judaism of that day (as there are today, and as there are divisions within Christianity as well). There were the Pharisees -with whom Jesus and his followers frequently clashed (and with whom Jesus and his followers actually shared many similarities) and there were the Sadducees – who were generally from the aristocratic class. There were also the Essenes and later, the Zealots, and other shades and varieties. The faith was not monolithic.

    The Sadducees believed only the five books of Moses to be morally authoritative scripture while the Pharisees gave equal weight to the psalms and the prophets. The Sadducees disbelieved in angels and spiritual beings; the Pharisees saw them everywhere. But the big difference between the Pharisees and the Sadducees was on the doctrine of the resurrection. The Pharisees believed in the resurrection of the dead, while the Sadducees dismissed it as a relatively new theological innovation.

    Were Peter and John arrested because of their proclamation of the promise of resurrection in the person of Jesus of Nazareth? It’s very likely that it figured into the Sadducees decision to have them arrested. They may not have liked the proclamation of a doctrine they considered repugnant, but the Sadducees were typically tolerant of the other branches of Judaism.

    Peter and John were warned off from making further public disturbances – though the author of Acts records no real disturbance here. There were no shouting crowds. No mobs. No violence. If the Sadducees were worried about pushback from the Roman imperialist forces – which was a valid political concern in those troubled days – there doesn’t seem to be any reason for that concern here. If there was a disturbance or an uproar, it was of the Sadducees’ own making.

    What reason? What charges? Pfffft.

    We do not seek trouble. We do not seek conflict. But when mercy is done in the name of Jesus, and when Jesus is proclaimed as risen Lord, trouble may come looking for the church. When acts of mercy and kindness are viewed as dangerous and even criminal, the Church will be in trouble.

    We are not looking for trouble – but we will do the good works. We will act with kindness and charity. We will give of ourselves to others. We will live with empathy for those in need.

    We are not looking for trouble – but we will speak the truth of our convictions – sharing the inclusive love and redemptive life of the risen Christ Jesus with those around us. We will show the world the love of Christ for one and all.

    We are not looking for trouble – but this will probably cause a disturbance.

For a different - comedic - take on this same story: Allegedly