History Passes into Lies

    Then I beheld all the fruitless work of man. Armed conflict between thirty nations. Millions threatened. Mounting pressure from international leaders. And Pope John XXI dies when the ceiling of his study collapses. He’d been Pope for eight months. Affliction comes to make us sad or make us wise.

    Freedom is a heavy load, a choice through scorching days and restless cold nights. South American strip mines and deserts are rocked by earthquakes, meanwhile Pope Adrian IV chokes to death on a fly in his wine. This is the curse that feeds on life.

    History is recorded by impatient observers. Pomp and circumstance in the land of hope and glory. Fading ancient fame. Pope Celestine V, overwhelmed by the pressure and demands of the papacy, renounces the throne and returns to the hermitage. He is later imprisoned by his successor and all men shall fear.

    How wretched I am,
    too long living among a people for war.

    Lies pass into history. Critical food shortages on three continents in a season of bitterness. Supply lines strained by militants. Pope Sylvester II makes a compact with the devil for redoubtable scientific and mathematical knowledge. History passes into lies.

    Therefore, behold, Pope Boniface VIII is belligerent. He kicks political envoys in the head. He throws ashes in the eyes of kneeling bishops. He is captured during the violence of the Outrage of Anagni and imprisoned for three days. He is beaten. He is starved. He dies, chewing off his own hand. A marvelous work among the people, and a wonder to the world.

    Work while it is day; the night comes when no one will work. Regional salt wars are fought by child-soldiers and immigrants. Pope Joan’s horse is startled during a procession and she goes into spontaneous labor. The child is born. Her secret is revealed but she dies. And there is none that can deliver me.

    Lord, save me from lying lips
    war-arrows over red-hot coals.

    Yea, before the day, Pope Formosus is exhumed by his successor nine months after his death and put on trial for perjury, for having taken the papacy illegally. His corpse is dragged to the courtroom and found guilty before being reinterred. His papacy is annulled. May the truth protect me always.

Blessings in a Heat Wave - sung

 I wrote the words for this little prayer yesterday while out in my route. Today I composed a little melody for it. Please ignore the fact that my satchel twisted up my collar. It was hot and I didn’t notice. 

Blessings in a Heat Wave

    Bless the breeze, soft grass, and shade
    Bless the clouded sky
    Bless the water that we drink
    when mouth and throat are dry.

    Bless the sweat that’s on my face,
    and neck, and back, and thighs
    Bless the body keeping cool
    when the mercury’s on the rise.

    Praise the Maker of the earth
    and bless his only Son
    Bless the Holy Spirit too
    Our God, the Three in One

And Say, Amen

    Glorified and sanctified be God’s great name throughout the world
    which He has created according to His will.
    May He establish His kingdom in your lifetime and during your days,
    and within the life of the entire House of Israel, speedily and soon;
    and say, Amen.

    To life, a blessing. To life with grief. A life of questions and too few reasons. The complexity of purpose is beyond us. We are too weak for these heavy weighted conversations. We are more suited to pleasant reminiscences and the laughter of games.

    May His great name be blessed forever and to all eternity.
    Blessed and praised, glorified and exalted, extolled and honored,
    adored and lauded be the name of the Holy One, blessed be He,
    beyond all the blessings and hymns, praises and consolations that
    are ever spoken in the world; and say, Amen.

    Shade the window and light the candle and, with head covered, recite the remembered prayers of our grandmothers and grandfathers.

    May there be abundant peace from heaven, and life, for us
    and for all Israel; and say, Amen.

    Remember that time in the park, when the sunlight filtered through the oak leaves and we rolled upon the grass, our clothes still wet from the stream…?

    He who creates peace in His celestial heights,
    may He create peace for us and for all Israel;
    and say, Amen.

    An angel of the sun rises with the steel of God in his hand.

All I Know Is Darkness – a Psalm for Palestine

    A song of sickness and native-born suffering.

    Look, it is night, it is dark, but look, shuttered windows and boarded doors on the street, unfriendly faces leering from suspicious shadows, and the message you receive, loud and incessant, insistent, if you’re listening, is: help, oh, God, help me!

    I’ve been filled for so long now, time, times, and half a time at least, with misery, living on the shores of Sheol, numb and numbered with the ones hanging upside down over oblivion, stalked and hunted and left for dead, all strength is stripped from these arms, like one of the slaughtered tossed into a ditch with no protection, unremembered, even by you, no flowers, no grass, only stones beneath the grave, not a place for anyone, only depth, only darkness.

    Drift

    Like a man from the black, friendless, defiled, grotesque, wheeling, spinning, thrashing but no escape, trembling hands a prayer for return, but the dead see no miracle, no sign, no wonder, only shadows rising with no praise.

    Drift further

    With the door closed behind, the room is black and dark and silent, do they sing here? Love songs? Hymns? Do the spirits sing spiritual songs? Do they know your wonders in the void? And still I’m here, weeping in the dust on the floor, every morning, every evening, though those words mean nothing when you won’t even look at me, I was born too close to death, wounded in birth, I bleed to death, shifted weight and slipping foot, I carry unfinished terrors in my wretched body, and all I know is darkness.

Emmaus

    Come risen Christ to the confused
    from light to shadow and return

    Come uncanny Christ seen unseen
    unrecognized and with us all the while

    Break bread and he is gone.
    Break mystery and he is here
    within our burning and broken hearts

    Come hidden disappearing Christ
    live and live again

Let God Arise (Psalm 68 Roughly)

(1-6) What Are We Going To Do?

    What are we going to do? That’s what everyone wants to know. Your talking head propagandists, your nationalist social scientists don’t know. These scholars and lobbyists claim to see the invisible hand but cannot see the kingdom of God in history. What are we going to do? We cannot claim the banks and loans and deals and assets on your books. What are we going to? That’s what the managers of decline are asking. That’s what everyone wants to know.

    Have ye not read?

    Do not consider riches as private property but as common good. Your economic philosophy is in practice, godless. Insatiable greed. Domineering avarice. They demand the spirit of men and destroy the breath of women. They deny. They defend. They depose. But they cannot explain the irruption of the spiritual in the physical realm. Fools of one flesh.

    Like the smoke of a fire, drifting gone.
    Like melting wax in a fire.

    Let God arise -Father and defender of orphans and widows. Sheltering the homeless lonely in a holy place. And prisoners too. Freemarket rebels can find their own place in the wilderness. Let them have the bootstrap deserts they have made.

    What are we going to do? Ride through the deserts – let them see.
    What are we going to do? Build a road through the desert for the Rider on the Clouds.

    Sing and play music. Dance and be glad. But – and I love this part – What does the Rider on the Clouds need with a road?

(8) A Sweaty Sky

    Too much, too much. We are overwhelmed. Even nature by fear is beset in the presence and glory of the one who strides across the desert. The wind stops its bluster and blow. The great expanse of heaven gets nervous. The sky breaks out in sweat and rains shower down upon the earth.

(12-14) A Long Sequence of Non-Sequiturs

    Chieftains and kings of armies, having failed in highly confidential negotiations and transactions, having failed to deregulate, or discourage the enemy, are in flight, in flight. Their ambitions in flight. Their strategies are not working. Gathered militias and blockading forces have failed to secure the straights despite the outlandish destruction of material property and the slaughter of civilians. They are loose-tongued commanders with no charge.

    The nuclear maneuvers of fighter jets and submarines turned back and routed. Rerouted.

    Meanwhile the women – fair and beautiful – at home divide the spoil and booty of war -sorting through the pots and saddlebags for free blessings as they sit in the sheep pens. Sheep pens!

    They are singing the good news.
    They are singing and at ease.

    Then there’s something about metallic doves with wings of silver and pinions of green-gold. Victory doves. This is not an assault. Peace doves. This is not an attack.

    Now the snow is falling on Mount Zalmon – which might be something clever about white snow on the Dark One. No more bluster. No more bloviating boast or bluff. Disordered, self-glorifying kings are scattered as the purity of snow falls on the mountain.

(20-23,30) The Contradiction of Blood

    This God of ours, this God we know
    This is the God who saves.

    Take comfort in the Violence
    and the Vindication
    though it seems like contradiction.

    He smashes the heads and long-haired skulls of his enemies, the hairy crowns of psychopathic gunmen. Bullies and bulldogs. Abductors. Exploiters. Captors. Slavers. Smash them dead! Liars. Thieves and Liars. Murderers from the lowest and highest estates. Smash them dead! Dictators. Authoritarian tyrants and Fascist fools. Smash them dead!

    He drags them back from the hills, drags them back from the sea to do it all over again so you may bathe your feet in blood.

    But! A word of caution. A word of restraint. Take warning here: Our enemies may not be his and he will fling far and scatter wide all who take orgasmic delight, all who take profit and material gain, from the horrors of war. You have been warned.

(24-26) A Musical Interlude

    The noble procession proceeds:
    Singers ahead (sing good news and at ease)
    musicians behind
    and in between are
    are row upon row
    of beautiful girls
    beating their drums.

(28-35) Let God Arise

    Take command – it befits your power. This is the way. One way. Take command; it is yours. Reclaim what is yours, most powerful, most respected, inspiring awe and admiration of the entire world. Stop the wars that we have unleashed. Bring unity to the world we have divided. Bring prosperity to the world we have plundered.

    Rebuke the crocodiles in the reeds who lie in wait to devour. Rebuke the bulls who rage and trample over us and our children. Rebuke the silver idolaters trading in secrets and exploiting the mammon-market.

    Sing this song, Play and perform it for the Rider of the Heavens. High heavens. Ancient, primeval skies. Singers ahead (sing good news and at ease), a crescendo of instruments and the climactic pounding of drums. The crash of symphonic cannons and solemn bells and chimes and gongs.

    Then let the reverberations of silence ring long into eternity.

    The Kingdoms of the earth with outstretched hands. Europe. Russia. China with outstretched hands. Latin, South, and North America with outstretched hands. India, Australia, Palestine, Cuba, Indonesia with outstretched hands. Syria, Venezuela, Kenya with outstretched hands. All the tribes and nations of Africa with outstretched hands. All islands with outstretched hands.

    Speak with a voice of power.
    Splendor in the clouds of power.
    Awesome strength and power.
    Blessed be God.
    Amen.

See Also: 
Let God Arise (a sermon)
and
Sweaty Sky (a limerick)

A Remembrance

    Long ago and far away it happened this way. Arrows pierced me. Liver deep. My indigestion, your indignation. No part of me unscathed, unscarred. Bleeding, bloody on the rocks. Pierced and pecked. Eaten. Devoured

    But there is no long ago, is there? Rewind and playback the video, scratched with static. This is now with my sins stacked higher than my head and pressed by weights. Play it again. More weight. This is now. More.

    Stinking, sinking, festering wounds. I cannot feel the sun, the warmth and the light. I cannot remember how love felt. Where there was perfume, there is rot. Where there was warm touch there is cold withdrawal.

    I am twisted double in gloom and in fire. No secret sighs. The light is gone out. The dance is done.

    Cautious friends with folded hands shun my disease, unease at a distance. There are procedures to be followed. Decorum to maintain. Betrayed by hands I thought knew. The door closes quietly. The car is gone. The house is empty. Who am I speaking to?

    While enemies with traps and snares speak violence. They throw their heads back in laughter. “You have committed blasphemy!” they shout and at once there is an ambush of archers from the surrounding forest. I am arrow-pieced and murdered in my step.

    But I am deaf and cannot hear their threats. I am dumb and dry of throat and cannot plead. There is no water here.

    I have hope, but it is elsewhere. I have hope. I force a smile through the burden. There is something there. I lean back and close my eyes. I know. I can feel the beating of my heart behind my eyes. I have hope. They will not gloat, not for long, even if I slip.

Psalm 38

Awake, My Soul - A Basement Hymn

 Here's another hymn recording - with words by Thomas Ken (1637 - 1711) and music by me. 

Awake, my soul, and with the sun
thy daily stage of duty run;
shake off dull sloth,
and joyful rise
to pay the morning sacrifice. 

All praise to thee, who safe has kept
and has refreshed me while I slept; 
Grant, Lord when I
from death shall wake
I may of endless life partake. 

Lord, I my vows to thee renew; 
disperse my sins as morning dew; 
guard my first steps
of thought and will
and with thyself my spirit fill. 

Praise God, from whom all blessings flow;
praise him all creatures here below; 
praise him above,
ye heavenly host;
praise the Father, Son, and Holy Ghost

Do You Even Pray? - The Troll Returns

    The troll rolled up at my house a few seconds after I got home from work myself. I knew it was him by the roar and rumble of the damaged muffler on his pickup truck. He pulled up to the sidewalk just past my house and I saw that bumper-sticker of his, “Luke 23:46 Still Applies!”

    “Hold up there, Carter,” he bellowed as he stepped out of his truck. “I’ve got a question for you.”

    ‘This should be fun,’ I thought to myself as I got out of my car and turned back to him. “What’s up, Gunner?”

    He stepped quickly up my driveway. “I just want to know, do you pray, Carter? Do you?”

    I sighed and closed my car door. “Listen,” I said. “You can come in and insult me all you want, but I need you to help me with something.”

    “What?” he asked taken aback. He actually took a step backwards as he said it.

    “Simple. Just what I said. You can come in and sneer and snarl at me all you want, but I promised my wife that I’d put up some shelves for her and I need some help holding things level. If you want to continue your… discussion, you’ll have to help me with that project.”

    I pushed the lock button on my key fob and the car alarm honked twice, then I walked to the front door. “Are you coming?” I asked him.

    “I’ve been watching you,” he said as soon as we were inside the house. “You’ve been holding out. I’ve been listening and you’ve been keeping secrets.”

    “Yeah. Yeah. Yeah,” I said. “Let me change my clothes and get my tools and we can continue the fun.”

    “Here you are, struggling in deep water,” he shouted up the stairs to me as I changed out of my work uniform. “Fire burning, smoke grenades exploding all around you. War. Disaster. Unrest. All of your modern scientific life. And all I can say is, why not just accept the providence of God? Why not just let God open your mind?"

    I came back down in jeans and a t-shirt. “Keep going,” I said. “I’m just going to grab my tools.”

    “Strong delusions,” he said. “You’ve believed the lies. The lies of the government, the lies in your church – which we should talk about. You need a better church. A Bible believing church…”

    “Right. Hold that,” I said, handing him the shelf.

    “God’s laws are resolute. Not open to debate,” he continued.

    “Uh-huh,” I nodded as I measured and marked the studs with a pencil.

    “Admit it,” he said.

    “Hold that,” I repeated.

    “Admit it. You don’t even know what the truth is.”

    “You’re probably right,” I said, handing him a handful of screws.

    “So again: Do you even pray, Carter? Answer me this. Do you actually believe that God hears and answers prayers? Tell me you’re not one of those…”

    I drew the line. “Is the bubble in the middle?” I asked him and handed him the level.

    “Are you even listening to me?” he asked but I was already running the drill to secure the brackets to the wall and I couldn’t hear him.

    It’s the smugness that gets me. The unwarranted confidence that God hears his prayers as an unquestioned absolute. And not only hears but responds. Answers. And answers positively. Does he pray for and miraculously find a parking spot in the grocery store parking lot? Do I pray? Sure I pray. Of course, I pray. But does God hear? Does God answer? I don’t know; it’s a blur and a wonder. I pray like a man giving up the ghost.

    I finished with the drill and wiped a bit of plaster from the wall. Together we secured the shelf to the brackets. “That looks pretty good,” I said.

    “Oh, yeah. That’s going to be pretty secure there,” he said.

    “Yeah,” I nodded. “She’s going to be happy. Thanks,” I said and showed him the door.

An Imaginary Conversation with a Real Troll 
Another Conversation with a Real Troll: I Will Not Fight the Argument
A Third Conversation with a Real Troll: Supermarket Wrestling

This Should Not Happen

    Lament, lament
    the suffering of our name
    it is too much, too long

    Counted as rebels, disloyal
    made to wander and to die
    not welcome turned away

    How can we survive
    passed out, collapsed
    weak water heart remembers

    We have waited
    we have waited
    but we are so small

        (Amos 7)

The Candles of Advent

The First Candle of Advent

To say these lines, to speak this part,
we begin in darkness. In silence.

Lost, forgotten
in Grand Canyons
of cynicism deep.

What did I want when I was a boy?
What do I want now?

Have I become too cynical
with too much subtlety
and too little delight?

Lost, in mist and darkness
a dreamer of dreams
looking for signs and wonders.

A spark,
a chance

and something changes.

From nothing
from nowhere

and it is good
or could be.

We light the candle and hope
that when the long night is over
the light will remain.

The Second Candle of Advent

These candles are too small
the light of our fragile, flickering choice
against cold and angry voices,
lonely, broken tears,
and death -

What is a candle or two,
what is my raspy voice
even joined with yours

against a bleak midwinter that
never seems to thaw?
Against the longest night
and a day that never seems to dawn?

But we’ve lit the flame of hope
and now we burn for peace. 

The Third Candle of Advent

Do they know that I’m a fraud?
I don’t feel these things I say
and when I sing
the hymns collapse.

Rejoice
rejoice

The colors change
the candles burn

Rejoice
rejoice

The melody rises
and catches at the back of my throat

Rejoice
rejoice

I am not
but I will

rejoice

The Fourth Candle of Advent

A singer once asked me,
“Do I feel love where I used to feel hate?”

The days are shorter,
the sun is lower.
I am cold and tired.
My feet hurt.

Do I feel love?

Light another candle.
A little more light,
a little more love.

Do I feel love?

Is that why it hurts to remember?
What you did,
Why you left...

I can’t explain.

Forgive?

A little more love,
a little more light.

The Christ Candle of Christmas

At last, after the fever and the frenzy
after longing and loss
after all the things that have slipped away


The ancient and deep merge with the here and now.
A light in the darkness
A song in the silence

The mind, the heart
intellect and intuition
conscious and subconscious
together
whole

The blessed hope
the appearing
the hope of glory

I do not know about tomorrow
Outside, the gunfire continues
warbling emergency sirens fill the air
mothers weeping for their slaughtered innocents

But here
in the light of this flame
you are here.

As small and fragile as they are
we light these candles as a light in the darkness
and that will not be overcome.

Sing the Penitential Hymns (updated and recorded)

     I posted the words to this song the other day. After adding two additional verses and writing a melody for it, I sang it at church this morning. 

Sing the Penitential Hymns

Sing the penitential hymns
of modern, troubled saints
who watch the news
with breaking hearts
and whisper their complaints

We struggle on the narrow way
to enter through the gate
collapsing now
and stumbling too
we cannot bear the weight.

The imprecision of the words
that lay upon our tongues
the choked off prayers
and treasured hymns
by voices no longer sung

Oh Christ of all and lord of light
oh emperor of love
light the light and fan the flame
that will restore all things right

Psalm 42 in 2025

 

If faith is a thirst I am a deer in the desert, desperate and dying
If faith is a thirst I am sunk into weight of heaviness
dreaming of their divorce as if it were mine all over again
crying for a rapidly spreading cancer
call it one year – maybe. Could be less.
When will I feel the face of God?
Deep calls to deep and waters rise
so sing the old songs and pray the old prayers
oh my soul, I’ve got nothing else.

Everything that remains is silence.

Before We Get to the Upper Room

 

    What is it today? What is my heart doing and why? Heart and lung and unidentified pains. Heart and lung and sudden onset migraines. Dislocated hips. Hospital tests and procedures. I am frail and vulnerable, seeking care.

Unspoken silence.

    Years of pain, howling wind and a house a’ fire. The familiar rhythm of struggle. Something missing – a loss of spark. But the inevitable doubt is tinder for the fire.

Is this the restoration time?

    Yes, but not just yet. It is not for you to know. Between the was and the will be. Between dry bones and breathing wind. I’m on fire or soon will be. Head and heart. Flesh and bone. Spirit and soul all at once.

Unspoken silence.

    
    Come wind. Come fire. Burn, breathe, blow. Lord, in your mercy, hear our prayer.

Selah (Psalms Unnumbered)

 This is a quick, lofi recording of a song I wrote on my way home from church this morning. 

Selah (Psalms Unnumbered)

Now the chaos and the clutter
too much noise, too little me
overwhelmed and underfunded
haunted by anxiety

Selah. Selah.

Sleeping in a bed of fire
laying on the spinning floor
I am weary with my groaning
my spine is cracked, my feet are sore

Selah. Selah

Speaking words without meaning
live a life of uncertainty
I will pray with psalms unnumbered
let the Lord deliver me

"Selah" is a liturgical direction used in the Hebrew psalms of uncertain meaning - perhaps "pause" or "reflection" 

These Days of Gogmagog

 

I have little, and will lose more
in these days of Gogmagog, 
when the air is thick 
with smoke and purple light,
and the blind musicians 
play after midnight.
Still those who can sing must sing. 

Stretch out your icy hand 
and touch, and touch my face. 
Fire, 
I'm on fire,
light a candle
the sparks fly higher
and shadows tremble on the wall. 

First we dance the mad dance
and then, then comes the death. 
We're slaughtered and martyred, 
dressed in a shroud, 
we're calling 
your name out loud. 
Protect us, Lord to see you soon. 

The Lenten Prayer of Saint Ephraim

The Lenten prayer of Saint Ephraim is said by Orthodox and Eastern Catholics during the weeks preceding Easter. 

Oh, Lord and Master of my life, take from me the spirit of sloth, faint-heartedness, lust for power, and idle talk. 

But give the spirit of chastity, humility, patience, and love to thy servant. 

Yes, Lord and King, grant me to see my own transgressions and not to judge my brother. For you are blessed unto ages of ages. Amen. 

 

Our Prayers

I wrote the words for this song back in 2015 for a book project that didn’t ultimately come together. I have revisited them again over the last several years. They can also be sung to the hymn tune - St. Columba

Our prayers are rising smoke and dust

Our prayers are ash and cinder

But still we pray 

For mercy more

As we to love surrender.

Our prayers are silenced by the wind 

Our prayers by floods are swallowed 

And still we pray 

For mercy more 

To rise up and to follow.

Our prayers lay bleeding in the street 

Our prayers die without a trace 

Lord, still we pray 

For mercy more 

To extend your hand of grace