Jesus for President

The powerful ones were there that afternoon in the lakeside home of the Missouri millionaire - a couple of bankers, a senator, a rancher from Wyoming. Powerful men. Wealthy men. They declined, however, to think of themselves as “movers and shakers” of society. They preferred Stability and Status Quo to progress and change, unless it was happing in one of those socialist countries in South America or someplace in the Middle East. Shaking there could be turned to profit. No, these men (all men, of course) were assembled to plan for the future. They’d come to discuss their candidate for the next presidential election.

A silver haired and silver tongued Senator welcomed their specially invited guest: “Jesus, we want to thank you for sharing your time with us this afternoon. We know that you’re busy, and we appreciate you willingness to be here as we plan how we can return our country to its Christian heritage. Before we begin, can we offer you something to drink? Some water, perhaps, if you’d like a glass of wine…”

There was polite laughter around the table. Jesus smiled. “No thank you. But I’m glad to be here among you,” he said and made the sign of blessing over them.

“Well, let’s get right down to it, shall we?  We’d like to put your name forward to the nominating committee of God’s Own Party as the presidential candidate with our backing and support, but first we’d like to discuss your platform, your stance on a number of important issues.”

“Wonderful,” Jesus said.

“Let’s start with domestic policy.” The men around the table nodded for Jesus to describe his plans.

“Excellent. One of my first steps would be to announce the cancellation of debts…”

The nodding ceased; a low grumbling ensued. “Excuse me for interrupting, Jesus, what are you talking about?”

“Well, you know. The obvious - student loans, mortgages…”

“Jesus, Jesus!” the silver tongued Senator exclaimed. “You can’t be serious! Why, several of the men in this room own banks that hold those loans, Jesus. Why would you want to do something like that?”

“At the end of every seven years you must cancel debts.” Jesus explained. “This is how it is to be done: Every creditor shall cancel any loan they have made to their fellow countryman. There need be no poor people among you…”

“I’m sorry to interrupt again, Jesus,” said the Senator, who did not look at all sorry to be interrupting, “but where are you getting this policy?”

“The scriptures; that’s in the Law of Moses. Deuteronomy 15.”

“I see. I see. Obviously that’s where the confusion is, Jesus. Deuteronomy? That’s in the Old Testament, right? We thought you’d be guided by the more relevant portions of the New Testament. The gospels perhaps…”

“Sure. Sure,” said Jesus. “How about “…forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors…?”

The murmuring around the table became a low grumbling. “Alright. Alright. Let’s change topics for a while; we can revisit this issue later. Let’s discuss military spending.”

“Excellent,” Jesus said.

“And Jesus,” said the rancher from Wyoming at the back of the room, “don’t be bringing up that whole ‘turn the other cheek’ thing. We ain’t pacifist peaceniks here. This is serious business.”

“Right,” said Jesus. “Serious business.”

“Okay then, Jesus.  We think we can get you another 10 to 12 percent, but we need to hear your plans. How much do you plan to increase military spending?”

“Actually, I’d like to reduce our spending to one-sixth of its current level.”

The grumbling exploded into vexed vocalizations. “For the love of God, Jesus!”

“Exactly" Jesus said. "I’d prefer to reduce it further, but this seemed like a decent compromise for the first term. We can discuss further cuts in my second term.”

“And just where did you pull this one-sixth figure?” the exasperated Senator inquired.

“It’s an arbitrary number, yes. But it is grounded in the same kind of policy I gave to my disciples.”

“What the hell are you talking about, Jesus?”

“After the last supper, the disciples said to me, “Lord, here are two swords,” and I said to them, “That is enough…”

The silver haired Senator threw up his hands in frustration. “I told you this would be a bad idea,” he said to the men around the table in a low, curt voice. Then he turned to Jesus and said, “I’m sorry to have wasted your time, Jesus. Security will be here shortly to escort you from the premises.”

My Mother Is the Stone that Gave Birth to the World

Stones, as you know and I know, are silent; stones keep their peace. Restrained and taciturn. The Rock is ever quiet, age upon age in perpetual silence, until the time comes for her to give birth. Then she will scream; she will gasp and pant in pain. Restrained no longer, the stone screams out and gives birth to the world.

Rain, and dew, and ice – oceans spring forth from her womb. A world of light and life. And what is more, she gave birth to me and to you. Yes. In her womb we have our life, we move, we have our being. We are her offspring. Or have you forgotten?

My mother is the stone that gave birth to the world. What is born of flesh is flesh. What is born of spirit is spirit. I am flesh and spirit and stone – like my mother.

Deuteronomy 32:18, Job 38:8, 28 – 29, Isaiah 42: 14, Acts 17:26 - 28

Trump’s Surprising Plan to Govern by Biblical Mandate

Here’s a switch, something I never expected to see, something that still astounds and flabbergasts me. President Donald J. Trump and his administration have endorsed a bill  that takes seriously an important biblical command. I know. I’m surprised as you are.


But it’s true. It's true.

The bill, sponsored by Republican senators, proposes a “merit based” immigration system. Under this bill, immigration candidates would need 30 points in order to qualify to become American citizens. Points are given based on a priority that favors people between the ages of 26 and 30 and speak English fluently and who have won either an Olympic medal or a Nobel prize. But a further premium is given to those who are coming to this country with job offers with salaries over $77,000 and those who are planning to invest a million dollars or more in this country.

And this, as I said, is a practical way for the Trump administration to govern according to biblical principles  Deuteronomy 15: 4 says that “there should be no poor among you.” This proposed bill would go a long way to make sure that no more poor people are allowed to enter the country. And I should point out that it is a course of action that I proposed three years ago. (And And - this limerick will be included in my soon to be published book of biblical limericks. You should buy three or four copies of it when it's available...)

(And it should be remembered that Democrats have, in the recent past, endorsed a point based immigration policy of their own…)

Biblical Limericks: The Saddest of All Scriptures

For whatever it maybe be worth -
the saddest of all scriptures on earth
speaks of the young mother
who can do naught other
but to hide and eat her afterbirth.

Deuteronomy 28: 56 – 57

Biblical Limericks: Debt Cancellation

Christians who call for castigation
of those pledging debt cancellation
as part of their campaign
are reminded again
that it’s Jubilee realization.

Deuteronomy 15: 1

No More Poor Sermons about the Poor Widow Woman

This passage is probably familiar to us; we’ve heard it preached in countless sermons, read it in numerous devotionals, and faith-based fundraising appeals. We’ve heard, over and over again, the repeated panegyrics for this poor widow woman who gave and gave and gave some more. The church has venerated her and her sacrificial giving and held her up as an example for us to emulate in our daily lives. Yet, for all its oft repeated familiarity, I have rarely heard the passage preached or taught correctly from its context.

Contrary to much of what we have heard over the years, the import of this passage is not in praise for her sacrificial giving (though that is a laudable virtue for the person of faith and those who deny themselves in order to give sacrificially should be commended) but in a stern condemnation of those religious leaders who value the established power system (and their place within it) over the care and protection of those they have been called to serve.

So this morning, let’s do what has been neglected; let’s begin by looking at the larger context of that poor widow’s story. Jesus is teaching within the temple courts (Mark 12: 35). We spoke a bit during last week’s sermon (Hebrews 9: 11 – 14) about the great importance the Temple in Jerusalem held for the followers of Judaism. The temple was important and because it was so important it was also very divisive.

There were some who believed that the temple was so singular and so holy because it had been built by God with his own two hands.[i] Others, like the Christian martyr, Stephen, flatly rejected this and said that God did not dwell in “a house that human hands have built… ‘What house will you build for me, says the Lord, what place for me to rest?’” (Acts 7: 47 – 50 NJB). The Essenes (who may or may not be responsible for the writings known as the Dead Sea Scrolls, found at Qumran) went so far as to pull themselves away from the rest of Judaism because they believed that the priesthood had become corrupt, and that the Temple had been defiled. They separated themselves away from Jerusalem, and set themselves to living by a high standard of ritual purity while they waited for the One who would set things right.

The temple was the center of Judaism’s ritual, even for those who separated themselves from the rest of their fellow believers. They did so because they believed the temple to be of the highest importance. Jesus arrives in the temple at the end of chapter 11 (11: 27) and he stays there through all of chapter 12, teaching and telling parables, and irritating the elites among the various religious groups. When Jesus and his disciples finally leave the temple, at the beginning of chapter 13, they comment to him, “Master, look at the size of those stones! Look at the size of those buildings!” (13: 1 NJB) at which point Jesus launches into a fierce denunciation of the temple and a prediction of its imminent destruction.

“You see these great buildings? Not a single stone will be left one on another; everything will be pulled down.” (Mark 13:2 NJB)

Now keep in mind that it was the perceived disloyalty against the Temple in Jerusalem that got the prophet Jeremiah in so much trouble. In Jeremiah 26 the prophet preached a sermon on the Temple steps, wherein he prophesied its destruction if the people would not repent. For this the priests and the prophets and all the people grabbed him and said, “You shall die!” (Jeremiah 26: 8).  They brought the prophet of God up on charges of disloyalty before the princes and said, “This man deserves the sentence of death because he has prophesied against this house and this city.” (26: 11)

Mark chapter 12 is also full of Jesus’ confrontations with the various Jewish groups; he squares off against the chief priests and scribes and elders (11: 27), the Pharisees and the Herodians (an odd partnership if there ever was one) (12: 13-17), the Sadducees (18 – 27) and the scribes (28 – 44). He speaks roughly to them, chiding them, correcting them – disrespecting them, even… at least, that’s how they certainly perceived his words.

So we find the story of our beloved widow, she of such great generosity and sacrificial giving, within a broader context of condemnation of the religious rulers and of the temple complex. We must read this story, not as a praise of this poor widow woman (though she is to be praised) but as a condemnation of those who would value the power that they wield and the respect they feel they deserve within the religious system over people under their influence.

Our reading this morning begins with Jesus’ ominous words, “Beware of the scribes…” (Mark 12: 38 NJB)

The scribes were those who knew how to read and write – something we sort of take for granted these days, but was a highly prized but not ubiquitous skill in those days.  Intellectuals from the Jerusalem aristocracy and professional scribes, as well as those Pharisees who came from the town ‘bourgeoisie’ would have been able to read, but peasants in the villages didn’t enjoy that same luxury – and women were rarely given the opportunity to learn (Meier “Roots of the Problem” 275). Originally the scribes were those royal officials tasked with recording the events and histories of the royal court but beginning with “Ezra, who established postexilic Judaism upon the Law” (Lohse 115) they eventually they became not only those who could read and write the scriptures, but were charged with preserving tradition as well as interpreting and teaching the scriptures and traditions to others. And because the torah covered every aspect of Jewish life, they decided both theological and legal questions. They had a place of respect among the Jewish community as befitted their lofty calling: they were called, “wise men, teachers of the Law, and masters,” (Lohse 116) as well as Rabbi (teacher).

The professional scribe is praised in the deuterocanonical book of Ecclesiasticus (Sirach) (39: 1- 11) written about 200 years before the time of Jesus:

“He will grow upright in purpose and learning,
he will ponder the Lord’s hidden mysteries.
He will display the instruction he has received,
taking pride in the Law of the Lord’s covenant.
Many will praise his intelligence
and it will never be forgotten.
His memory will not disappear,
generation after generation his name will live.
Nations will proclaim his wisdom,
the assembly will celebrate his praises.
If he lives long, his name will be more glorious than a thousand others,
and if he dies that will satisfy him just as well.”
(Ecclesiasticus 39: 7 – 11 NJB)

That’s pretty high praise for the office of the scribe, but instead of treating them with the dignified respect, and adulation the scribes seem to have come to expect, Jesus says to his disciples, “Beware of the scribes[ii], who like to go about in long robes, and to have salutations in the market places and the best seats in the synagogues, and the places of honor at feasts, who devour widows’ houses and for a pretense make long prayers. They will receive the greater condemnation.” (Mark 12: 28 – 40)

Jesus did not give them a deferential greeting; he did not recognize their dignity. Instead he criticized them for valuing their position of prestige in the community and the service of the temple in Jerusalem, at the expense of the poorest in the community.

The Law, which these scribes purported to value, said: “There must, then, be no poor among you” (Deuteronomy 15:4 NJB). The torah of God placed firm obligations on them to care for the poor and the helpless, the orphans and the widows.  This was the important thing – to love God and to love others – to love God by loving others.

But these religious leaders had come to value their power, their prestige, their honor, their dignity, their authority over the care of the poor. Instead of caring for the poor, they “devoured widow’s houses” and drove people, like our “poor widow” to give their last two copper pennies to the care and maintenance of the symbol of their religious authority.  She gave, out of her poverty, she gave the last little bit of what she had to maintain their glorious prestige – because they had convinced her that it was her religious obligation to do so. They ignored the law that said, “There should be no poor among you,” and used guilt and religious fear to sustain themselves and the exploitative temple complex at the expense of the poor. They devoured the poor.

While the poor widow who gave her last mite might be laudable for her sacrificial giving, those who maintained a system to exploit her mite are mightily condemned. Woe to those who value the system over the message, and their place within the power structure over justice.

Lohse, Eduard. (Translated by John E. Steely) The New Testament Environment, Nashville, TN, Abingdon Press. 1976.

Meier, John P. A Marginal Jew Vol.1: The Roots of the Problem and the Person, New York, NY, Doubleday, 1991.

Meier, John P. A Marginal Jew Vol. 3: Companions and Competitors, New York, NY, Doubleday, 2001.

New Jerusalem Bible. New York, NY. Doubleday. 1999.

"Scribes." Jewish Encyclopedia, n.d. Web. http://www.jewishencyclopedia.com/articles/13356-scribes

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[i] If we may take Mekilta Shirata 10. 29 – 42 as helpful even if it was written much later. https://books.google.com/books?id=eaymyOWLPoQC&pg=PA420&lpg=PA420&dq#v=onepage&q&f=false

[ii] We should keep in mind, however, that the Scribes were not a “homogenous religious group with a united theological agenda,” and that it is unlikely, despite their characterization in the synoptic gospels, that they presented “a united front against Jesus” (Meier “Companions and Competitors” 560).

Biblical Limericks: Unicorns

So I find myself somewhat forlorn
by bible translations which are shorn
of that mythical beast
found in the Middle East:
I want to believe in unicorns.

Numbers 23: 22, 24: 8; Deuteronomy 33: 17; Job 39: 9 – 10; Psalm 22: 21, 29: 6, 92: 10; Isaiah 34: 7

Biblical Limericks: Ignore that One

If a man has a rebellious son,
here’s what the scriptures say should be done:
he should be stoned to death,
till he has no more breath…
so glad my father ignored that one.

Deuteronomy 21: 18 - 21

Biblical Limericks: Keep Them Out

This won’t be a verse the church discards;
we’ll station sentinels and strong guards,
we’ll block the doors and gates
for the Bible dictates
that we keep out all of those bastards.

Deuteronomy 23: 2 (in the KJV, ASV, RSV, Message…)

Biblical Limericks: Women Taken in War

You’ve captured a woman you’d like to wed,
you’ve clipped her nails, and you’ve shaved her head;
give her a new outfit,
let her in mourning sit -
then you can finally take her to bed.

Deuteronomy 21: 10 – 13

(and the follow up) 

Biblical Limericks: Our National Bird

The Eagle is our national bird,
despite what we have read in God’s word:
scripture says they’re unclean.
What does that even mean?
We shouldn’t eat them? That’s just absurd.

Deuteronomy 14: 11 - 12

Biblical Limericks: Sounds like Wealth Redistribution to Me

Tell me the truth, and please make it plain;
don’t dissemble or confuse my brain.
Do you accept scripture
that would open up your
fields to let someone else eat your grain?

Deuteronomy 23: 24 - 25

Israel Shouldn't Need Our Money

I don’t know much the United States gives to Israel in the way of foreign aid, loans and other gifts, but U.S. military aid to Israel exceeds 100 Billion dollars.  There are some who would say that this is not enough – especially among those whose eschatology veers towards the dispensationalist. 

The Christian Zionist believes that a true Christian nation will give unquestioning support and loyalty toward the nation of Israel, and to even talk of reducing financial and military aid is akin to “cursing” Israel and will bring down the wrath of God.

But…

if we’re to take the Bible at it most literal, face value, it says what it means and means what it says (as most Christian Zionists, and dispensationalists would say that we must) then Israel should not need our gifts and loans.

When the Lord your God has blessed you [Israel], as he promised you, you will lend to many nations, but you will not borrow… Deuteronomy 15: 6

Biblical Limericks: Jubilee

“Let’s read the bible literally,”
they say, “and obey it completely -
except we will leave out
all those verses about
cancelling debts in the jubilee.”

Deuteronomy 15: 1 - 18

Biblical Limericks: Roast or Boil?

The priestly author insists, madam,
that we roast and not boil the lamb,
but Deuteronomy’s
author quite disagrees,
‘boil it,’ he says, ‘roasting be damned.’

Exodus 12: 9, Deuteronomy 16: 7

(The verb used in Deuteronomy 16:7  is translated in most every other instance as “boiled” but is deliberately changed by some translations to “cooked” or even “roasted” in this verse to bring it into line with the explicit prohibition on boiling the Passover lamb found in Exodus 12: 9)

Biblical Limericks: Advice to Young Women

Virgin women, hear and heed me well:
If you are raped, remember to yell.
You must be loud and clear
for if the men don’t hear
you’ll have to be stoned to death as well.

Deuteronomy 22: 23 - 24

Biblical Limericks: No Illeagles Here! No Undocumented!

There is a clear and present danger
from the immigration rearrangers;
scripture, they try to say,
calls on us to obey
the words: “You shan’t oppress a stranger.”

Deuteronomy 23: 9

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Biblical Limericks: Well, That’s One Way to Do It…

Listen close – here is what we must do
if to the Bible we would be true,
here’s what it has to say
and what we must obey:
There shall be no needy among you.

Though the Lib’rals will object and bray,
we should pass a law, even today,
to give cit’zenship to
just the propertied few
and make the poor people go away.

Deuteronomy 15:24

Biblical Limericks: Sorry Lance Armstrong

Though it might make some feel insecure,
if you’ve had cancer testicular
and your testes were cut
the chapel doors are shut.
On this scripture’s quite particular.

Leviticus 21: 20, Deuteronomy 23: 1

Biblical Limericks: No Spontaneous Orgasms for Soldier Boys

When your soldiers go out on missions
they should be quick with their admissions,
lest a failure result
from that critical fault
of having nocturnal emissions.

Deuteronomy 23: 10 - 11