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Showing posts with label genesis. Show all posts
Showing posts with label genesis. Show all posts

Tuesday, April 28, 2026

Millions of Years of Death – An Eighth Imaginary Conversation with a Real Troll

    “We’re in a rut, Gunner,” I said when I saw him approaching. It was my day off and I was enjoying a cup of coffee and a novel of historical fiction on the front porch. One of the stray cats that hangs around our place for food was there, allowing me to pet her occasionally. But she bolted under the porch when she heard the guttural roar of Gunner’s pickup truck. He parked it in my driveway, turned off the engine and stepped out, waving at me.

    He took off his red ball cap and said, “What?”

    “We’re in a rut. I know how it’s going to be. It’s always like this. You come to me with a question or a challenge. I respond and I answer. You insult me and then you leave. Now, I don’t mind playing this role, but you know that we don’t have to be enemies, right? There is no obligation to hostility.”

    “Oh, come on now, Jeff. You know you’re in control here,” he said.

    “Okay. Okay,” I said. “Fine. Come on up to the porch. Let me get you a cup of coffee. You like sugar in yours, right?”

    Cup of coffee in hand and seated on the porch with me, he began. “I would bet that you’re one of those who believe in the theory of evolution. But I want to challenge you with one thing.”

    “Go for it, Gunner,” I said.

    “The alleged evidence is the fossils in the layers of sedimentary rock, a long and tortured history of death and suffering. But it just doesn’t work. You can’t have millions of years of death before Adam’s sin.”

    “Well, the scientific descriptions of cosmological, geological, and biological evolution are not actually in conflict with theology…”

    “But the Bible…”

    “Or the Bible. Only with a particular and peculiar interpretation of the Bible.”

    “False. False! You are elevating man’s opinion – your opinion over God’s word. The God of millions of years…”

    “Billions,” I interjected but he either ignored me or didn’t hear me.

    “…is not the God of the Bible. If you’re unwilling to believe Genesis, if you’re unwilling to believe the first, the foundational book of the Bible, how can you claim to believe the rest of it? Either you’re being disingenuous or you’re deceived. Either way, you’re insulting God’s character. Calling God a liar. Like all of your so-called educators and scientists, you are slow to acknowledge the legitimate, slow to honor what is true. Paul says that ‘the wages of sin is death.’ So you can’t have hundreds of millions of years of death before the introduction of sin.”

    “Okay, Gunner,” I said. “Let’s accept that premise.”

    “So you agree?”

    “Well hang on. Hang on. Let’s not get ahead of ourselves. Let’s accept first the proposition that without sin there is no death. And your argument is that there could be no death before Adam’s sin. Yes? Do I have that right?”

    “Spot on!” Gunner agreed.

    “Okay. But Adam’s sin wasn’t the first. Sin was already introduced.”

    “What are you talking about?” Gunner furrowed his forehead.

    “You also accept the idea that Satan is a real individual, an evil entity and not just a myth or a personification of the idea of evil. You believe that Satan was an angel in heaven who rebelled against God and was cast out of heaven. Yes?”

    “Yes,” he said hesitatingly.

    “And when did Satan’s fall occur? After Adam’s?”

    I could see it happening behind his eyes. The sputtering fire and smoke of incredulity, the proof-text checklist rolled up like a scroll. And then the confidence returned. “But the six, twenty-four hour days of creation still don’t allow you millions of years for life to evolve.”

    “Billions,” I said again. He didn’t respond so I pressed forward a little. “I understand the creation stories of the Bible to be more myth than history. As a sacred story not a scientific document. But that doesn’t mean I don’t believe. The world is God’s and I believe this. Sin brings death. I believe this.”

    “If you don’t believe Genesis, you don’t believe the Bible.” He declared and set down his coffee mug. “Your faith is weak. Your faith is blind. Your faith is destroyed by Big Bang insanity. You want the creation without the Creator.” He stood as if to leave, but turned again and said, “Tell me, Carter, is your tongue scarred from all the double talk?”

    I didn’t have an answer, so I sipped my coffee. He looked at his watch and said, “Well, I’ve gotta’ go. See ya’ next time?”

    “Sure, Gunner. You always seem to know where to find me.” he descended the steps of the porch, got back into his noisy truck and drove away. I picked up my novel and returned to the story. A few moments later the cat reappeared from under the porch.

An Imaginary Conversation with a Real Troll (the first of the series) 
I Will Not Fight the Argument (the second)
Supermarket Wrestling (third conversation)
Do You Even Pray (the troll returns)
All Means All (A fifth conversation)
The Doctrine that Cannot Be Challenged (sixth conversation)
Toward Sodom - (a halfhearted seventh conversation)

Friday, April 24, 2026

Toward Sodom – Another Halfhearted Conversation with a Real Troll

    He comes around to harangue and harass, he insults me and belittles my faith and then he disappears. For a while. I go on about my life. I work. I write. I watch bad movies with my wife. And then he returns for another round or two of abuse.

    “I don’t know why you put up with him,” my darling says to me. “He’s a troll.”

    “Ahhh,” I nod and smile, “but he’s my troll.”

    She stares at me for a second or two and then says, “That makes no sense and you know it.” She laughs. I laugh.

    But he’s here again today. He catches mes as I’m working in the yard, raking leaves and pulling weeds. and he’s another argument for me. One I wouldn’t have expected.

    “Lot was selfish,” he says to me without preamble.

    Like I said, compared to some of his previous maneuvers this assault seemed indifferent. Insubstantial Inconsequential. Unnecessary, even. Like he wasn’t even trying anymore.

    “You mean when his uncle Abram offered him his choice of land for his flocks and herds?” I ask to make sure I understand what he’s asking. “Genesis chapter fifteen or thereabouts?”

    “Thirteen,” he nods. “Yeah. Lot was the selfish one. He was greedy and should have allowed his uncle, the patriarch, have the good land. He was greedy and he resisted his uncle’s authority.”

    “How does Lot’s acceptance of Abram’s offer make him a rebel? And Abram had taken the good land, wouldn’t that have made Abram the selfish one?” I ask, but I am already too late, Gunner is moving on.

    “Lot settled in the cities of the plain and pitched his tent toward Sodom.” He claps his hands. “Toward Sodom!”

    “We have no indication that Lot or any member of his family participated in the sins of Sodom – which were not homosexuality but rape, and inhospitality, selfishness and a lack of concern for the poor. The fact that God sent angels to rescue Lot and his family should indicate that he was not…”

    “Aha!” Gunner claps me on the shoulder with his meaty hand. “He pitched his tent toward Sodom, Jeff. You can’t get around that. Towards Sodom!” he shakes his head back and forth as he retreats back to his pickup truck.

    “Bye, Gunner,” I say waving.

    “What was that about,” my darling says from the door of the house.

    “I have no idea,” I say and go back to pulling weeds.


An Imaginary Conversation with a Real Troll (the first of the series) 
I Will Not Fight the Argument (the second)
Supermarket Wrestling (third conversation)
Do You Even Pray (the troll returns)
All Means All (A fifth conversation)
The Doctrine that Cannot Be Challenged (sixth conversation)

Tuesday, January 27, 2026

A Daily Resistance – January 27, 2026

     Here’s a thought – unorthodox to be sure, heretical maybe. At this point I’m not sure it matters.

    Maybe God should allow all these fine MAGA folks a chance to return to the Garden of Eden – let them have another shot with the Tree of the Knowledge, another bite of that apple because they can no longer distinguish between good and evil.

    But, comes the objection, doesn’t that come with the threat of death? This is a fair objection and I will answer it. Yeah, I suppose it does. Eh… so what? They’re already dead on the inside anyway.

Sunday, August 6, 2017

The Blessing of Defeat



So the man who has wrestled all his life comes to his final battle at the Jabbok ford. He’s been wrestling all his life, since his birth, even before his birth. He tussled with his twin brother, Esau, within the womb, grasping his heel, still trying to win over him on the way out the birth canal. He strove with his brother for the birthright and the patriarchal blessing. He wrestled a stone away from the mouth of a well to impress his future bride. He contended again and again with his father-in-law.  And now comes the culmination of his life, the climactic, defining event. He wrestles with “a man” at the Jabbok ford.

But what kind of man is this? Jacob, the trickster, thief, deceiver encounters a stranger in the dark – a man without a name and without provenance; he grapples with the mysterious unknown in the dark of the night. And in that long battle neither opponent is able to toss or pin the other; they are unable to hold or throw the other down.

This man in the dark may be more than a man. There is something strange in this encounter. Is he some sort of night spirit or troll that will lose its power or be turned to stone at the breaking of dawn and the light of the sun? Is he an angel of the Lord or a demon from the desert? Is he, perhaps, even God himself?

Or is this man in the dark the embodiment of all Jacob’s guilt and fear – a psychic projection.  In this man that he cannot defeat, Jacob sees the face of those he has offended and wronged. He sees the face of God and his own face, and the face of his twin brother Esau.[1]

Jacob struggles on heroically determined, and stubbornly relentless.  He refuses to admit or accept defeat. But then, with a touch (and not a crushing blow), the slightest touch, the man from the dark blows Jacob’s hip out of joint. He is hobbled, wounded. The supplanter is supplanted. He falls – but even in this defeat he finds a victory of sorts. Even in defeat he demands a blessing.

All his life he’s wrestled for and demanded a blessing from others. Give me the birthright and patriarchal blessing. Give me a bride. Give me sheep, and goats, and camels. Give me a blessing! But what kind of blessing has he won here? The blessing of defeat and a limp to remind him of it. He is no longer Jacob, the deceiver, but Israel who has wrestled with gods and men and has won.






[1] Compare Jacob’s words: in Genesis 32: 31 he says, “I have seen God face to face and I came out alive,” and in 33: 10 he says to Esau, “…for have I not seen your face as one might see God’s face, and you received me in kindness?” (Alter 183, 186)

Alter, Robert. Genesis: Translation and Commentary. New York, NY: W.W. Norton and Company, Inc. 1996. Print. 

Sunday, July 9, 2017

A (Mostly) Fitting Reading



It has not been many days since my last Sunday as an officer (pastor / administrator) with The Salvation Army and I am still adjusting to being a lay member in the pews on Sunday mornings. The past two weeks we've joined with a UMC congregation not far from our new home, and enjoyed the friendly welcome there. This congregation is also going through a transition period as they have a new pastor assigned to them by the bishop.

The new pastor spoke this morning from Genesis 24 about the "leap of faith " exhibited by all those involved in finding a bride for Isaac - trusting God that their union would bring joy and blessings.

It was a fitting reading of that text for the congregation's situation (the unnamed servant = the bishop arranging the match, the congregation = Isaac not knowing what to expect, and the new pastor = Rebekah entering into this new relationship on faith). A fitting reading even if it ignores the historical/cultural context in which arranged marriages were less about attraction and personal compatibility than profitable economic transactions, and didn't even mention the probable historical anachronism of camels in the story. Camels weren't used as beasts of burden until much later in Israel's history. (Alter 114).

And what happens if we press the reading a little further?  Who would be equated with the greedy and insincere Laban?



Alter, Robert. Genesis: Translation and Commentary. NY, NY W. W. Norton & Company. 1996. Print.

Sunday, June 18, 2017

Biblical Limericks: How Many Seahs to a Gallon?


God came to Abe in the noon-time heat;
Abe said, “I’ll get you something to eat.”
He instructed Sarah
to cook up three seah
of flour – five gallons! Quite a treat.

Genesis 18: 1 - 6

Monday, August 22, 2016

Biblical Limericks: It Weren’t Homosexuality


What happened in old Sodom city,
to be sure, wasn’t very pretty,
but if women and men
participated then
it weren’t homosexuality.

Genesis 19: 4

Wednesday, May 18, 2016

What Canaan Found


Go aboard, you, you with your household, you and all the animals.

The long languid rolling of the ark did less to unsettle his stomach than the rapid lurching they’d endured during the worst of the storm. Then, as the sky collapsed above them and waves lashed at them from both sides, it was all Japheth could do to lie screaming on the floor without vomiting. This isn’t to say that he hadn’t vomited (he had, over and again until he was empty and then continued violently retching) or that all was calm, or that the rains had ceased, but things were better now. He could stand upright – provided he remembered to stand loose at the knees and the ankles, and he could eat a little food. Or would eat a little food, if there were any to eat. The provisions that hadn’t been lost during the storm and hadn’t spoiled, wet and rotted in the weeks after, were carefully preserved for the animals. “We must ensure their survival, son,” Father Noe had told him – his syllables slurred by the rocking motion of the ship. (It had to be that, right? They’d brought no wine aboard, had they?)

“But what of our survival?” Japheth had asked.

His father blanched green, burped a vile smelling belch, and moving his hand lightly, waved the stench away, “the LORD will provide. The Lord will…”

Japheth watched Father Noe stagger (unsteady feet because the ship rocked on the waves, or because he was guttered on wine?) towards the avian compartment. The cooing of the doves and the squawks of hawks and ospreys quieted as Noe closed the door behind him.

“What has the LORD already provided for us?” Japheth asked the wolves in the cages to his left. The wolves only snarled and whimpered in response. They disliked the ship’s motion even more than Japheth.

The dreams won’t cease until the rains stop falling. The rains won’t stop falling until heaven’s cisterns are empty. Crows fly away but return, cackling and cawing. Likewise the dreams. Let heaven disappear and let the rains desist, so that the dreams will fade. The horses are saggy, plow worn nags. Couldn’t Father Noe find a worthy, healthy representative of the species? And why the flies, to buzz about the horse shit? And the maggots in the rotted meat? Why are we set on preserving the future, father? Can you explain? What better world will it be if we bring these pests into it with us?

The ark drifted in sun sparkled waters. The sky was empty, not a cloud anywhere, 360° to the horizon, and if not for the water upon which they floated the rain could have been a retreating memory. A fading dream. Fetid warm air hung heavy below deck. No breeze. No circulation. Just the stench and squawk of animals in close fitted cates. Shem shoveled the dung, down the trough, toward the window, pushed it out over the side. It splashed into the water below. Shem thought briefly about throwing himself over the edge as well. His splash would be indistinguishable from the shit. And he could sink as quickly as the shit. Could sink into the sink. Settle to the bottom. Just settle. Just…

Naamah, old Mother Noe, never went up on the deck, into the outer air. The expanse of water terrified her. In the open infinitude she felt shrunken, shrunk down into nothingness. She came up once, the day after the rain stopped, took one look out and shrieked. She turned and tumbled back down the ladder and refused to come up again. Not until the ark came to rest.

***

And he called his name Noe, saying, this same shall comfort us in our work and in our toil, because of the ground that the LORD hath cursed. But Noe found grace in the eyes of the LORD. And G-d spake unto Noe (why not us?). And Noe builded an altar unto the LORD and a vineyard for himself. Was this what the angels taught him-the art and way of healing? To make wine for our sorrow that we might overcome the offspring of the Watchers? Did Uriel (the reflection, the effulgence, the light like a molten god, like softened silver silk) come from the presence of the One to demonstrate fermentation? As if we needed another demonstration of rot and decay.

Canaan on the shore of the vast but receding lake squints, looking for the opposite shore (for the apostate score). Was that smoke? Was that the sound of drums? Music in the distance? The far-off calls to him but his mother and grandmother refuse to let him go further than the thin woods at the edge of Grandfather Noe’s vineyard. “Don’t wander!” they’d shout whenever he’d approach the wild blasted woods. “Come close! Come back!”

One day, instead of foraging for firewood (nothing was dry enough to burn) he wanders further than the field, into the wooden copse over the ridge. There he discovers the putrefying corpse of one of the elder giants, grotesque in its size and smell. It was drowned in the flood. Now its corpse lies rotting in a wretched place under an unforgiving sun. Were those deformities the result of decomposition or birth? Canaan pokes at it with a stick, prodding its bloated belly–when, suddenly, it ruptures, belching foul gas and coagulated blood. Bloat-flies swarm out of the open cavity, flying into Canaan’s face, into his eyes, his nose, in his mouth. The smell is overpowering, worse than the hot, fusty smell of the ark, worse than the noisome stench of the combination of various animal manures, worse even than the mephitic exhalations of drunken Grandfather Noe. Canaan spits and slaps at his face before tripping and falling backwards He lands on a rotted log–crashing through the soggy bark, disturbing grubs and worms and many-legged crustaceans in grey shells. Flailing and thrashing, the boy runs back towards the ridge and the secure confines of the family plot at the foot of the mountain.

Then sleep for his eyes, he dreams of Gilgamesh’s garden under the sea. Angels of the deep and the monsters of sleep pursue him. He mounts the air like a strong wind, and flies like strong eagles and leaves the inhabited world behind; he escapes the great wasteland, the wilderness, the Desolation like a bird. But the monster in his dreams buzzes and hums, thrumming fingers crawl over his skin, lick his eyes as he sleeps. He feels the throb of his heart, the pound of his pulse, the blood in his veins. Then the creeping fingers disappear and the buzzing ceases. The silence is perfect but brief. His pulse slows, returns to something like a normal rate. But sleeping within his dream is another horror that will not be quieted. The roar of the rain and the screams of the drowning wake him. Canaan starts and falls from his simple pallet to the floor, slicked with reeking terror-sweat.

***

Few of the animals lingered, as the family had at the foot of the mountain, at the edge of the retreating lake. Even those creatures that would have, in antediluvian times, made their homes at the water’s edge in the shadow of the mountain – herons, cranes, foxes, mink, deer – had scattered. Far. Without hesitation. Freed from their cages and pens inside the floating zoo, they’d run like escaped convicts. The shore was barren, the woods uninhabited, even the waters of the lake were formless and void.

Grandfather Noe would not allow them to make tents of goat skin. “The animalsh must be preserved,” he says, “else, why were we shpared through the fl… through the flood?” The family showed him how rapidly the goats had reproduced after their disembarkment from the ark, but Grandfather Noe was adamant. They would build their rickety shelters from the rotted trees and fallen branches gathered around the lake, from mud and from stone, but not with the shedding of animal blood.

“Why must we stay here, Father?”
“No more questions, Canaan.”
“Why?”
“No NO.”

Through the woods, over the ridge, past the bleached bones of the giant, Canaan follows a magnificent bird-a low flying pelican in the wilderness, leading him further and further on. He packed a bag with food and a bedroll and left the family. Left Grandfather Noe’s vines. Now he leaves, steps out into the unknown and unpredictable world. He leaves Grandfather Noe snoring in his drunken stupor, sleeping naked in the shade of his grape arbors

And after a time he begins to find proof of life. Canaan finds animal tracks, paw prints and scat-the first he’s ever seen. He sees bird nests and bee hives, fox dens and snake holes. The world is alive, fully, really, living, breathing, dying, living. The grass is eaten by the rabbit. The rabbit is taken by a snake. The snake by a hawk. And when the pinnacle hawk dies it, too, is eaten by vultures, by fungus, and by bacteria too small for Canaan to see. But he knows that they’re there.

Then he discovers something wonderful and frightening. Something more than the hoof print of deer or paw prints of rock-badgers. Canaan sees a human foot print in the dirt – five toed and round heeled, arched. Perfect in every aspect. Perfect because it was recognizable. Perfect because it was like is own – but it is not his own. It is smaller than his.

He stops and stares at that print for the rest of the day, considering what it means, and what he should do. ‘Do I go home with the news that we are not alone,’ he blinks, once, twice, and again, as he works through his options. ‘Do I track the person who left this print, follow them to their home?’ The sun slides down and he still hasn’t thought of an answer.

‘The sorrows of death encompass me, and the floods of ungodly men make me afraid,’ he thinks. ‘But what men are these? There are no others, no people but Grandfather Noe and timid, sleeping grandmother, my calloused uncles – Shem and Japheth, laboring in the sun, my skulking father, Ham, their wives, my brothers, my sisters, my cousins. Ungodly men, maybe, but this is no flood. Why then am I afraid? Why am I afraid of a single lonely footprint in the dirt? With the blast of His nostrils the waters were gathered together, the floods stood upright as a heap, and the depths were congealed in the heart of the sea, but here I am alone and not alone.’

Canaan follows the prints, scrabbling in the dirt, up the hill toward the highlands. The path leads over rocks and stones, disturbing moss and lichens, through fields bending stems, past trees breaking small branches. Canaan follows where the impossible prints lead.

Grandfather Noe said the waters covered everything, waters smothered everything and everyone. Every living creature under the sun. Every father, mother, daughter, son under the moon. The rains came down and the waters of the deep broke loose and flooded the entire world. There should be no prints here. There could be no prints here. It is impossible. But here the print in the dirt was scuffed, as if the one who left it were skipping. Skipping? Who could be skipping through this field? Grandfather Noe said everyone but the family had been killed.

He hears something ahead, laughter, but not laughter like the taunting, teasing laughter of his sisters and cousins; this is a bright musical laughter, sparkling. And he hears singing. But he doesn’t recognize the song or its melody. It’s not one sung by his sisters and cousins or his mother and grandmother. Come to think of it, he’s never heard his grandmother sing. She rarely speaks and never sings. This song is charming and sweet even in its melancholy.

He listens to the voice and the song:

The goat and flower,
the bee and the fish,
the sky above and
a lonely maiden.

Wind over mountains,
rain in the forest,
and the sky above
the lonely maiden.

The bird flies away,
the deer will startle;
everyone will leave
the lonely maiden.


Canaan sees her–sitting on a stone watching a flock of goats. She braids lengths of flowers into her hair as she sings. “Don’t stop.” Canaan speaks. The girl startles and turns toward whim with a small blade in her hand. Canaan raises his empty hands and stands motionless. He is not a threat. “Don’t stop, please. It’s such a strange song.”

She smiles a pleasant toothy grin, “It is my song,” she says.

“Did you learn it from your mother? My mother sings sometimes. But not like this. My mother sings dirges.”

“No.” she says. “It is my song. Not my mother’s.”

***

“We saw the flood,” she says to the boy. “We saw the waters. But we went further up the mountain with our goats to escape. The rains made a mess of our village and our homes. My cousin’s house slid down the side of the mountain when the dirt beneath it washed away. When the rains stopped we came back down, cleaned the mud and the mold from the walls, repaired the roofs that had collapsed, rebuilt the goat pens. We started over. But not everyone in the village survived. Old Lazal and his wife died during the climb; they fell into the water below. Monal was crushed by boulders in the mudslide. Several others drowned. And we’ve heard the same from other villages and tribes as well.”

“But Grandfather Noe said the waters covered everything, that it killed everyone, to pour out G-d’s fury on the wickedness of the world.”

“The what?”

“The sons of G-d, angels, apostate angels knew the secrets of the Templars and their sin was great in the Earth and they taught men how to sin and to do wicked things. And they killed many, and they begat giants. So G-d regretted ever having made humans.”

“Seems to me that humans didn’t need angels to teach them cruelty. I’ve never even seen an angel or any of the Nephilim and my cousin Leannet was beaten to death by a man from our village when she refused to marry him. ”

“But how could she refuse?” Canaan stops mid-sentence, his eyes wide. “It doesn’t matter. The flood was G-d’s wrath. It covered everything. It killed everyone.” Canaan’s voice grows louder and higher pitched with each word.

“The flood didn’t kill you…,” the girl says gently.

“Because Noe found favor with Yah. And our family was spared, told to build a vessel to escape, and to preserve animals. But he told us everything else, everyone else was gone. You shouldn’t be here! You should have drowned with everyone else!”

She points, “Look there. You can see the shipwrecked hulls of our fishing-boats. But your family was safe inside a vessel built to withstand the storm. You were warned. Did you rescue anyone? Did you save anyone else?”

“No.”

“Did you try?”

“No. The LORD told Noe it was for us. The rest were too wicked, their violence too bloody.”

“But you liked my song.”

“A song is not enough.” A silence grew between them as deep and as daunting as the flood.
“I have to take the goats home soon...,” she says but Canaan does not respond; he is still staring and the broken ships on the rocks. “I have to take the goats home now. Will I see you again?”

Canaan looks up. “Sing for me once more before you go.”

“I should sing?” the girl asks, “I should sing my song for you, a song that not even my mother has heard, I should sing my song for you who would have me drowned?”

“Please?”

“No. I must take the goats home now.” She stands and begins calling the animals, counting them.

“Don’t go,” Canaan pleads with her. “Don’t leave me.”

“Why don’t you come with me?” She invites him with her words and with her eyes.

“To your family? But they’re… they’re…”

“Wicked?” she finishes for him. “Then stay here, or go back to your blessed, drunken Grandfather Noe.”

“I can’t go back there,” he shrieks. The girl sighs. “Stay, just a little longer. Stay and sing, please.”

“I can’t,” she begins to lead the goats away.

Canaan grabs up a stone from the ground, raises it over his head and crashes it down upon her skull. A flood of blood sprays up from the wound, spattering him across the face, a violent red rain. Again and again he brings the stone down on her head until she is dead.

“You shouldn’t be here! You shouldn’t be here! You shouldn’t be here! You should have drowned!”

***

When Canaan finally looks up from the bloodied corpse beneath him, already cooling, blood forming thick dark mud in the dust, the goats have scattered. He hears their bleating far off down the mountain somewhere. He drops the stone, tries to wipe some of the blood from his face, but only smears it around his eyes in gruesome streaks.

He flees back down the hill, toward the dark valley, towards the empty woods and the lifeless lake, back toward Grandfather Noe’s vineyard. “We’re not alone. There are others,” he shouts as he runs back to the cluster of family shacks. “Others. There are others on the mountain. The flood didn’t get them all.”

The family gathers around him, asking questions: “What are you talking about? Where did you go? Why did you leave?” His mother grasps him with both arms, “You are bleeding son; what happened?”

“It’s not my blood, mother. It’s hers, a girl. One of the others.”

“This is her blood?” asks his father, Ham.

“Ye…ye…yes,” he stammers, out of breath and afraid. “I killed her, but … she should have drowned, right? That’s what Grandfather Noe said. She should have been killed in the flood. She shouldn’t have been there.”

“You killed her,” Ham says again, less a question this time.

“Yes.”

“Then they will be coming, blood for blood, life for life. That is the way of it. They will be coming. Fear and dread are upon us. We are the horror of the earth.”

Then Noe cursed his son, “Cursed be Canaan; he will be the lowest of slaves to his brothers.”



The weeping eye of heaven is watching.

Wednesday, April 27, 2016

Biblical Limericks: The Serpent Was Blessed


Quiet your vexed vocalization -
the serpent was no aberration.
The good LORD called it forth
gave it value and worth;
a subtle part of God’s creation.

Genesis 1: 24 - 25

Friday, March 18, 2016

Biblical Limericks: Carry up My Bones from Here


Prince Joseph from his deathbed intones:
Make for me in Egypt no headstones,
you should do this instead,
when I am cold and dead,
go to the Promised Land with my bones.

Genesis 50: 24 - 25

Thursday, November 5, 2015

A Limerick for Ben Carson


Ben Carson, the man, is not timid
and his speeches, they are not tumid,
but his biblical creed
is outrageous, indeed,
as are his thoughts on the pyramid.

Ben Carson Defends His Views on Egyptian Pyramids



Monday, October 26, 2015

Jacob Left Beer-Sheva



Jacob left Beer-Sheva and set out for Haran. Long he wandered on the way, through forested hills and swamps, over desert dunes and coastal plains. For a time he followed the erratic path of a whiskered cat that seemed to know the way. That feline led him to the city of Ulthar, where “no man may kill a cat,” but then deserted him to wander again on his own. After a time Jacob came to a certain place [coordinates redacted-National Security] and stopped there for the night, for the sun had set and it was very dark. There was no moon. Jacob lit a fire to warm his body.

Taking one of the rounded stones he found there (a philosopher’s stone, as it turns out, though he did not recognize it as such…) he put it under his head and lay down in that place. And all through that moonless night he had a chemystical dream. He saw a sloped ramp stairway from the earth into the heavens, from the ground into space. He counted the steps-there were 15,000 arranged in 15 plateaus of 1,000 stairs, for the 15 steps in the Temple of Jerusalem between the ante-court of Israel and the Women’s court, and also for the 15 Psalms of Degrees. (Never mind that neither had the Temple of Jerusalem been built nor the Psalms of Degrees been composed when the peripatetic, fugitive twin set his head upon that alchemical stone. If dreams pay no heed to chronology, then neither shall we.) The ladder rose up into that moonless sky, up to stark mountain heights, and there to the dream palaces of Castle Kadath in the cold wastes.

The wing footed messenger angels of God traversed the 15,000 steps, up and down, down and up, from heaven to earth and back again, with top secret communiques for undercover field agents in every nation-the watchers, who are the eyes of God. The messenger angels carried eyes-only, encoded documents up and down, through time and space. He saw comet angels with million mile tales burning without oxygen in the terrifying expanse of noiseless space, streaking towards nameless places on the far side of the galaxy where The Name is known by other Names.

Suddenly the LORD, [by whatever name] was standing on it, on him, with one foot in the clouds and one foot on his head. And standing there with one foot on this earth and one foot in the Magellanic Clouds, HaShem spoke. 

What does the high king of heaven, Lord of time and space say to the vagabond thief, the grifter on the lam, the estranged brother who enraged his family and then fled? What does the ruler of infinite worlds say to a sleeping hooligan with his head upon a strange stone on a moonless night? What reason for their meeting? Why, what other reason than divine dictate? No other reason is needed, and none other will be given. Suddenly the Lord the LORD was there, standing there on the clouds, on the ramp, on Jacob’s head, saying, “I am the LORD [by this name or another], the god of your father, father Abraham, and the god of laughing Isaac. I will give you and yours the land upon which you are lying.

“You are like the dust-blowing and drifting on the aimless wind, blown here and there by fickle desires, and like the dust I shall make you and all yours with you. You will spread out to the WEST where the Great Sea rumbles and roars, to the EAST over rivers and into the dawn. You will spread out to the NORTH, through enemy lands and grasping hands to frozen mountains and beyond, to the SOUTH around the horn and back again.

“And as you go I will protect you from enemies of every kind, from monstrous beasts with fangs and claws, and innumerable, sightless eyes, and from human agents and regents wishing to exploit the strength of your hands and the sweat of your brow, and these are ten times worse than fangs, and claws, and cataract clouded eyes. I will not leave you until I have done everything I have promised; after that, you’re on your own.”

When fearless Jacob, who feared neither god nor man, awoke from this dream he was terrified, as any would be. He awoke sweating and cold. The campfire had burned out long before. “Surely,” he said, “this is the dreaming palace of the house of God, and I have been hanging around heaven’s gate.” He built a sacred pillar with his makeshift pillow as the crowning capstone. And over this stele he poured spikenard oil. He called the place “Beth-el” but the locals still referred to it as “Luz.”

Saturday, September 26, 2015

The Moment of Creation

I was there. I photographed it for you.

The Moment of Creation by Jeff Carter on 500px.com

Monday, July 13, 2015

Genesis 15:5 -6 (GOP 2015 Version)

The LORD brought the GOP outside and said, “Look toward heaven and count the stars, if you are able to count them.” Then he said to the GOP, “So shall your candidates be this year,” and the GOP believed him.

Friday, July 3, 2015

Biblical Limericks: Lot’s Wife


Leaving the town, she came to a halt.
Should we blame her and say it’s her fault?
For curiosity
to see atroc’ty
some of us should be turned into salt.

Genesis 19: 24 - 26

Thursday, July 2, 2015

Biblical Limericks: That’s No Excuse, Lot


The people of Sodom were rotters
committed to rape and to slaughters,
but e’en with their abuse
there is still no excuse
for Lot to offer up his daughters.

Genesis 19: 1 - 8

Wednesday, July 1, 2015

You’re Just Reinterpreting the Bible To Suit Your Argument


If you’re like me (and I know I am) you are occasionally told during discussions (cough, cough, arguments, cough, cough) about the bible, “you’re just reinterpreting the scripture to suit your argument.” To which I will often reply, “Yes. Perhaps I am.” But I’m not the first to do so. In fact, I have a good reason to do so, a biblical reason, even.

For example:

In the story of Sodom (Genesis 19) it seems fairly clear that the sin of the people of Sodom was sexual. There are some contemporary scholars who would downplay the role of sex in this story, and instead focus on the breach of ancient near eastern hospitality codes. But, even if inhospitality is a part of the sin in question (and I certainly believe it is), the emphasis in the story is on the sexual nature of the sin: rape (whether homo or hetero-sexual).   

But the prophet Ezekiel, in a message addressed to the people of Jerusalem (Ezekiel 16), said that the sin of Sodom was, “…pride, excess of food, and prosperous ease.” The sin of Sodom (and her daughters) was that they did not aid the poor and the needy (Ezekiel 16: 49 – 50.) Ezekiel seems to have radically reinterpreted the story to suit his own argument. Like those contemporary biblical scholars he moved the emphasis from a sexual sin (rape) to something else, in this case-pride and a selfish refusal to care for the poor.

Is it wrong to reinterpret a biblical story to fit our argument? Not necessarily.

Jesus did it. Six times in Matthew chapter five (Matthew 5: 21 – 26, 27 – 30, 31 – 32, 33 – 37, 38 – 42, 43 – 48) Jesus reinterpreted portions of the torah to suit his teaching and argument."You have heard it said... but I say..." Was Jesus wrong to reinterpret?

The apostle Paul did it as well; in his letter to the Christians in Galatia he radically reinterpreted the story of Sarah and Hagar as an allegory about the distinction between law and grace (Galatians 4).

So… is it wrong to reinterpret a story to fit our argument? Not necessarily.

I’m sure we could, each of us, list numerous examples of whack-a-doo re-interpretations of biblical stories. Here are a couple of my favorite humorous examples. It can be dangerous, yes. But it’s not necessarily wrong.  

Wednesday, June 3, 2015

#KenHam, Take a Word from General William Booth


Ken Ham has a huge expensive dream – to build a life size replica of Noah’s Ark and theme park in Kentucky.  And he needs to raise 29.5 million dollars to do it. 

Yesterday Dan Arel, at the blog Danthropology, called out Ham and his project:  Ken Ham Says Building His Ark Is More Important than Feeding the Homeless


Ken Ham takes on a wearied tone when he writes to rebut these sort of claims:

Nearly every time I post an update on the exciting Ark Encounter project, there seem to be those habitual complainers who claim the money should be spent on the poor instead and not be “wasted” this way. …

I think it’s a simple as this—it’s the message! The Ark project (like the Creation Museum) will in a professional, powerful, and gracious way present the truth of God’s Word and the gospel. Sadly, even some people claiming to be Christians complain about the Ark project and that the money should be given to the poor instead. Such people either don’t understand or don’t seem to care about the millions who will be reached with the most important food in the universe—the spiritual food of the saving gospel—the very message that their eternal life depends on. …

So while it is important to help the poor and needy meet their physical needs (which we do), it is even more important to help meet their spiritual need—the need to come to know Jesus Christ, the Savior of the world—because lives—and eternity—hang in the balance….

But all this pious sounding talk about “spreading the gospel” is just window dressing.  The Ark Encounter Park is less about spreading the gospel, than it is about Ham and his fellow creationists doubling down on their insistence that their idiosyncratic young earth creationism interpretation of the biblical stories is the gospel.

Even if we were to concede that the Ark Park was, in fact, about spreading the gospel, it is still an expensively misguided project. As the founder and first General of the Salvation Army, William Booth said, “You can't tell a man about the love of God if he has an empty stomach.” 

That $29.5 million would be better spent feeding, clothing, sheltering, and educating the poor-and that would be a better proclamation of the gospel than any amusement park.


Thursday, April 30, 2015

Biblical Limericks: Thank you, Onan


Oh, Onan, how you do amuse us-
because of you we get to discuss
whether or not it is
a great sin to spill jizz;
thank you for coitus interruptus.

Genesis 38: 9
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