I Would Have Set Them Straight

    The brothers of Goliath, you say? Yeah. I remember them. I fought in the Philistine wars with our shepherd king. I was barely out of short pants myself, but I was there with my bow and my sling, ready to take on the entire Philistine army myself. No sissy stuff. I was there to bring them down.

    There was Lahmi, who ate bread even as he fought his way across the valley, a loaf of rye as big as your head in one hand and a spear as tall as you in the other.

    And Isbi-Benob – the man from Nob. What a nob! He wore a bright new sword and thought he could kill the warrior, David. As if.

    And the other one… what was his name? The one with twenty-four digits. Twelve fingers and twelve toes. Six on each hand and foot? No. It was eight and four apiece. Strange, I tell you. And where did he find shoes for those feet? 

    And Goliath? Goliath. Well, you know the story that David went out with his sling and a few river stones. But I was there when the battle broke out at Gob in the western foothills of Judah. I watched Elhanan bring down Goliath. Man, what a crash when he hit the ground.

    People talk about David like he did it all alone. But some of us were there, and we remember how it really went. Funny how the scribes write it down one way. Funny how memory writes it down another. They should have just asked me. I would have set them straight.

1 Chronicles 20:4-8, 2 Samuel 12:15-22

Make the Kingdom of David Great Again

 In the weeks and months following the death of Uriah the Hittite, the court of King David was in a restless ferment. The sordid details of his involvement in Uriah’s death, and the pregnancy of Bathsheba were not secret. Those who were shocked by the king’s behavior whispered to each other in isolated corners, their hands covering their mouths to mute their conversation, while more cynical individuals spoke about it brazenly.  But whether whispered discretely or vulgarly discussed in the open, no one dared to challenge or condemn the king.

Until Nathan. The prophet maintained an adversarial relationship with the king, even as he held the king’s good opinion. This was something of an oddity; everyone else who opposed the king, even in the slightest, usually ended up dead. But the prophet entered the throne room without so much as a quiver and, with a pointed (and not so subtle) parable, condemned the king.

Immediately King David’s supporters in the room stood up and raised their consternation exclaiming, “King David is our king, not our high priest. His moral qualities have no bearing on the effectiveness of his rule.” 

“And besides,” they added in a loud voice, “what about her e-mails!?”

(2 Samuel 11 – 12)

A Time Machine in the Church Basement

Let us suppose that I have constructed a time machine in the church basement. Why not? The church basement is as good as any other place. A time machine right down between the shelf of old hymnals, blue AA books, and battered copies of the KJV with Jesus’ words in red and the dissonant old piano with cracked and yellowing ivory keys would not seem so strange.

And let us suppose that we could use this time machine, this fully functional and not at all dangerous time machine in the church basement to visit (or re-visit) the stories recorded in scripture – supposing, of course, that we could locate them along the flow of the historical time line.  Why not? The stories of the bible are endlessly fascinating. Using a time machine to visit Moses, or Jehu, or Deborah, or Manasseh of Judah, or Peter seems perfectly reasonable even if I don’t have a robot named Gizmo or a Flying House.

So. With the Bible as our travel guide, where would we go?

Suppose we wished to visit the man after God’s own heart, King David, the son of Jesse himself. Why not? Perhaps he would teach us one of his psalms. After fastening our safety harasses and putting on the protective eyewear, the switches are thrown and the levers pulled. With a zzzap of static electricity and a whiff of ozone the church basement disappears and we find ourselves in Jerusalem on the roof of David’s palace on a cool evening in the spring.

It happens towards evening as the king gets up from his nap, and strolls along the palace roof. He sees from the roof a woman, a beautiful woman, bathing. “Who is she?” the king inquires and the report comes to him that she is “Bathsheba, daughter of Eliam and wife of Uriah the Hittite who serves in the army of the king.”

Now we’ve read the book and we know that this story does not end well for any of those involved, so let us suppose that we step into the story, suppose that we constrain the king (may he live forever) from making such a rash and unwise decision, that we persuade him to resist the temptation to take Bathsheba for his own. And suppose that the king (who usually had all those who opposed him killed) thanks us for our timely intervention. The king does not sin. Uriah does not die and the shadow of the sword does not hang ominously forever over the house of David.

With another zzzap of static electricity and whiff of ozone we attempt to return to the church basement, but… It is gone. The church basement is gone. The church is gone. In fact the Church with a Capital C is gone.

We consult our travel guide, one of those battered KJV bibles with Jesus’ words in red – the book falls open to Luke chapter 3, to the genealogy of Jesus traced through Mary… he was the son (as it was thought) of Joseph, son of Heli, son of Matthat, … yadda, yadda, yadda… son of Nathan, son of David.

This strikes us as important, though we’ve never paid too much attention to the genealogical lists. We check again, this time the lists of the sons of David. “…He reigned for thirty-three years in Jerusalem. These are the sons born to him in Jerusalem, Shimea, Shobab, Nathan, Solomon – the four of them children of Bathsheba.”

In our supposing, David never seduced and stole the wife of Uriah, never had Uriah killed, never fathered any sons with Bathsheba, and the unborn or not-born Nathan never had sons and grandsons and greatgreatgreatgreatgereatgreatgreatgreatgreatgreatgreatgreat grandsons who would have become the ancestors of Mary who would give birth to Jesus if only we hadn’t interfered.

But the church basement is still there, and the old hymnals and blue AA books and battered KJV bibles with Jesus’ words in red are there, and the tuneless old piano as well. This supposition of ours falters because Luke’s genealogy of Jesus isn’t traced through Mary, and because time doesn’t work like that, and neither does God.

Even so. Perhaps a time machine in the church basement isn’t such a good idea.

Amnon and Tamar in the Modern American Version

David’s son Absalom had a beautiful sister whose name was Tamar; and David’s son Amnon fell in love with her.  So Amnon lay down, and pretended to be ill; and when the king came to see him, Amnon said to the king, “Please let my sister Tamar come and make a couple of cakes in my sight, so that I may eat from her hand.”

Then David sent home to Tamar, saying, “Go to your brother Amnon’s house, and prepare food for him.” So Tamar went to her brother Amnon’s house, where he was lying down. She took dough, kneaded it, made cakes in his sight, and baked the cakes. Then she took the pan and set them out before him, but he refused to eat. Amnon said, “Send out everyone from me.” So everyone went out from him. Then Amnon said to Tamar, “Bring the food into the chamber, so that I may eat from your hand.”

So Tamar took the cakes she had made, and brought them into the chamber to Amnon her brother. But when she brought them near him to eat, he took hold of her, and said to her, “Come, lie with me, my sister.”  She answered him, “No, my brother, do not force me; for such a thing is not done in Israel; do not do anything so vile!  But he would not listen to her; and he said, “When you're a star they let you do it. You can do anything ... Grab them by the pussy. You can do anything."

2 Samuel 13: 1 – 14 Modern American Version

Biblical Limericks – Why Bring Him to Me?

David played mad for Abimelech
till the annoyed king said, “what the heck?
He’s head-butting the door
and drooling on the floor;
this fool’s not dealing from a full deck.”

1 Samuel 21: 14 - 16

Biblical Limericks: The Cave of Adullam

David, the outlaw, was on the lam,
hiding in the Cave of Adullam,
and joining David there -
men with debts and despair,
four hundred men in that cave did cram.

1 Samuel 22: 1 - 2

When God Closes a Door and Other Odds and Ends

*Sometimes when God closes a door - he stands there grumbling about the kids trying to heat the whole outdoors...


*I've decided to adopt Jeremiah 17:5a as my life verse: "trust no one."

*In a recent lesson on Loneliness among Leaders -based on the life of David - we were told that we each need someone in our lives who can be  1)an Abiathar - who can come work alongside us 2) a  Jonathan - who can be our intimate and trusted friend 3) a Nathan - who can keep us accountable and honest and 4) a Solomon - to whom we can pass on a legacy.

Great, I think, but all I've got are a bunch of Shimeis - cursing and throwing stones.

Biblical Limericks: Call It What It Is

Some people would the story reshape,
but should we let King David escape?
His sin’s not just murder,
but what he did to her -
what he did to Bathsheba was rape.

2 Samuel 11: 1 - 5

Biblical Limericks: Butt Naked

King David was enraged and aghast;
men he sent to Hanun were harassed.
So that people would scoff,
their beards were shaved half off
and the men were sent back home bare assed.

2 Samuel 10: 1- 4

A Feast with my Enemies

I want to do something a little dangerous this morning.  I want to take a risk with the sermon.  I know that it is dangerous to monkey around with sacred traditions and beloved psalms, and I know that no psalm is as highly treasured as Psalm 23, but this morning I want to be reckless and throw caution to the wind.  I want to try to subvert this psalm, or at least one part of it.  I want to turn it upside down, end over end, so that it can surprise and challenge us again.

Because treasured psalms have a way of becoming safe – fixed in our memories. Mom loved that psalm and Grandma loved that psalm and we don’t think about it. 

As I said, Psalm 23 is highly favored in the Christian and the Jewish traditions.  It has inspired musicians from Johann Sebastian Bach to Duke Ellington.  It has been quoted in movies and in stage plays.  It has been carved into tombstones, and embroidered into samplers. 

We like to imagine the young, ruddy cheeked, shepherd boy, David, the youngest son of Jesse, sitting alone with his harp and his ling on the lush green Bethlehem hillsides surrounded by quietly grazing sheep.  We see him there in his quiet meditation, plucking the strings of his lyre and singing this pastoral psalm of praise to a good and faithful God.  The psalm is filled with images drawn from the life of the shepherd; the psalmist knows that he can trust God just as the sheep can trust the good shepherd.

“Yahweh is my shepherd, I lack nothing.
In grassy meadows he lets me lie. By tranquil streams he leads me
to restore my spirit. He guides me in paths of saving justice as befits his name.
Even were I to walk in a ravine as dark as death I should fear no danger, for you are at my side. Your staff and your crook are there to soothe me.”

But now we come to the part of the psalm that I want to upset, the part of the psalm that I’d like to subvert.

You prepare a table for me under the eyes of my enemies…

There is safety here – as in that valley as dark as the shadow of death, so here under the watchful eyes of his enemies – there is no reason to fear.  The psalmist can sit down to a table spread with choice meats and cheeses, plates piled high with vegetables and fruits, warm bread, sweet dessert, and cups overflowing with fine wine.  And there’s nothing his enemies can do about it. 

They cannot hurt him. They cannot attack him.  They cannot swoop down from the hills to abuse him or to take this food from him.  The psalmist is safe.  Secure.  He can enjoy the provisions of God without worry, without anxiety.  And this is a blessing from God.

And I have often heard it taught that this magnificent feast provided by Yahweh is there to shame and to humiliate the psalmist’s enemies.  They can see the table loaded with wonderful victuals. They can smell the savory meats and the fresh baked bread.  They salivate; their mouths fill with drool.  Their stomachs rumble.  But they cannot eat.  They cannot enjoy it.  This feast laid out by God for the psalmist is there to punish them, to drive them mad with desire and envy. 

I’ve heard it taught that this “feast in the presence of my enemies” is a blessing from God for the faithful believer, and a punishment from God for the wicked enemies of God.  We will get our reward. We will be blessed.  We will enjoy the great feast, the marriage supper of the Lamb.  And our enemies will get theirs; they will get what’s coming to them.  Our enemies will look on from their place in hell, tormented by all the wonderful things that they can never enjoy.

But what if this is wrong?  What if we went further with the psalm?  What if we did better? What if the feast prepared for us under the watchful eyes of our enemies isn’t there just as a blessing for us to enjoy, and isn’t there as a torture for our foes – but as a blessing for us all?

What if the psalmist looked up from that magnificent meal prepared by God and saw his hungry enemies, not with delight and glee for their pains, but with compassion and love?  What if the psalmist shared that dinner with his enemies?  What if he invited them to come and sit beside him at the table, and to enjoy God’s blessings with him?

This may be a dangerous and radical idea, but it’s not novel.  It’s not new.  If I am subverting this psalm, I am not the first. Proverbs 25: 21 says, “If your enemy is hungry, give him something to eat, if thirsty, something to drink.  The Apostle Paul echoes this proverb in his letter to the church at Rome (Romans 12: 20). 

In his “sermon on the plain” Jesus instructed his followers to “Love your enemies; do good to those who hate you.” (Luke 6:27)

The blessings of God – the feasts laid out for us in the presence of our enemies, are not there merely for us to enjoy, and not as a torment for enemies, but as an opportunity for us to share God’s love, as an opportunity for us to love our enemies.  This is not the warm, fuzzy, easy comfort of the Psalm 23 of saccharine memories.  This is not a sentimental psalm 23.  It is a challenge.  It may be dangerous.  But it is the better way.

You prepare a table for me under the eyes of my enemies – for me to share with them…

Disciplinary Action against the Prophet

Yahweh sent the prophet Nathan to David. The prophet came to the king and, using a pointedly allegorical story, accused the king of adultery and murder.  “You are the man!” said the prophet.  “The Lord anointed you as king, rescued you from the clutches of your enemies, and gave you everything you could ever want. Why did you show contempt for the Lord, by doing what displeases him? You put Uriah the Hittite to death by the sword, and took his wife as your own. For this, your household will never be free of the sword.”

Just then King David’s lawyers interrupted the prophet. “Prophet Nathan, you are in violation of the Royal House of David policy regarding public proclamations. “

“How so?” asked the prophet.

“You have said things that reflect unfavorably on the integrity of the King and of his rule. The views and opinions expressed by the prophets of this kingdom should be made in such a way that enhances the kingdom,” they answered. “Prophets speaking in such a way as to disparage, either directly or indirectly, the rule and policy of King David, will be subject to disciplinary action.”

Then the prophet was terminated from his employment, stripped of his title, and his pension was revoked.

(2 Samuel 12: 1 – 15)

Messianic Themes in The Aeneid and the Ancient World

I have challenged myself this year to read (or re-read) several of the classics of western civilization.  I have already read The Iliad and The Odyssey and have written a little bit about each of them.  I am currently working my way through The Aneid by the Roman poet, Virgil. 

Virgil’s Aeneid was written during a time of political and social upheaval; everything was in flux and flummox.  The Roman republic had fallen, Rome had just come through an extended period of civil war – or rather wars.   The Aeneid was written to legitimize and validate the rule of Julius Caesar and, by extension, his adopted-son (and grand-nephew)  Augustus who, it was expected, would bring back the traditional Roman values (highlighted in Virgil’s epic poem) and restore peace and prosperity.

Virgil thought very highly of Augustus - describing him in the fourth of his Eclogues (poems written somewhere between 44 and 38 BCE) in terms that will seem familiar to Christians:

The firstborn of the New Ages is already on his way from high heaven down to earthWith him, the Iron Age shall end and Golden Man inherit all the world.Smile on the Baby’s birth, immaculate Lucina [goddess of childbirth];your own Apollo is enthroned at last.

 In 9 BCE (a few years after Virgil’s work) an inscription from the Provincial Assembly of Asia announced the rule of Augustus in even more explicitly messianic terms: 

The most divine Caesar…we should consider equal to the Beginning of all things…; for when everything was falling [into disorder] and tending toward dissolution, he restored it once more and gave to the whole world a new aura; Caesar…the common good Fortune of all… The beginning of life and vitality… All the cities unanimously adopt the birthday of the divine Caesar as their new beginning of the year… Whereas Providence, which has regulated our whole existence…has brought our life to the climax of perfection in giving to us [the emperor] Augustus, whom it [Providence] filled with strength for the welfare of men, and who being sent to us and our descendants as Savior, has put an end to war and has set all things in order, and [whereas] having become [god] manifest, Caesar has fulfilled all the hopes of earlier times…in surpassing all the benefactors who preceded him…, and whereas, finally, the birthday of the god [Augustus] has been for the whole world the beginning of good news (evangelion) concerning him [therefore let a new era begin from his birth]. (OGIS 2.#458)

 Back to Virgil - in the first book of his Aeneid he describes Jove (Zeus in Greek mythology) unrolling the scroll of fate in order to reveal to Venus (Aphrodite in Greek mythology) the fate of her son, Aeneas.  He would endure many trials and difficulties, but would eventually become the ancestor of the Roman people (and specifically of Julius and Augustus…). In his revelation to Venus, Jove says: 

On them [the Romans] I set no limits, space or time:
I have granted them power, empire without end. (1. 333 – 334)

Which brought to my mind two things from the Hebrew/Christian scriptures.  First, in the New Testament book “The Acts of the Apostles” we find the apostle Paul speaking to the philosophers of Athens at the Areopagus:

The God who made the world and everything in it, he who is Lord of heaven and earth, does not live in shrines made by human hands, nor is he served by human hands, as though he needed anything, since he himself gives to all mortals life and breath and all things. From one ancestor he made all nations to inhabit the whole earth, and he allotted the times of their existence and the boundaries of the places where they would live, so that they would search for God and perhaps grope for him and find him—though indeed he is not far from each one of us.  (NRSV Acts 17: 24 – 27)

 It also brings to mind the promises God made to David for a never ending dynasty: 

When your days are fulfilled and you lie down with your ancestors, I will raise up your offspring after you, who shall come forth from your body, and I will establish his kingdom. He shall build a house for my name, and I will establish the throne of his kingdom forever. (2 Samuel 7: 12 – 13)

 These Messianic expressions and expectations were familiar across the ancient world.  Christians reading the New Testament should not be threatened by these similarities; they are part of the context and culture of the world in which those scriptures were written.  These familiar messianic expectations and expressions even helped to shape and form those New Testament descriptions of the God/Man Jesus of Nazareth.

Biblical Limericks: Ambidextrous

The men that came to join David’s band
were the mightiest in the land;
they were skilled with the sling
and the bow for killing,
shooting from both the left and right hand.

1 Chronicles 12: 1 - 2

Anomalies A – Z: Gibborim

There are few among us who can still recall the exploits of the Gibborim, David’s Mighty men.  It is already largely forgotten that it Ehanan who killed Goliath, the Giant of Gath, not the upstart Bethlehemite, David.  And who today remembers Eleazer, the Son of Dodo, who once wrestled a bear that had stolen his mead?  Or Beniah, he who killed a lion in a pit on a snowy day, and attacked and killed Ahmose the Egyptian, who stood seven and one half feet tall?  Who among this generation can recite the tale of Bani the Gadite?  His name was sung from Dan to Beersheba and rightly so; who else has encountered the satyrs of the desert and survived? 

David is remembered but his men languish in obscurity.  They fought giants and ghouls.  They crossed vast wildernesses seeking danger and treasure and glory. But who remembers them now?  The dangers are subdued, the treasure is spent, and their glory has faded.

Be sure to check out the rest of the Anomalies:

Biblical Limericks: Scriptural Spin Control

Forget all about inerrancy;
the Chronicler changed the story
he received from Samuel
to avoid a scandal
and save the naked king’s dignity.

2 Samuel 6:14 -16 (no robe) / 1 Chronicles 15: 27 – 29 (robe)

with thanks to Jim West for the prompt.

Outside David's Tomb

While in Jerusalem our group went to the traditional site of King David's Tomb.  I took pictures of it, but I like these that I took outside the tomb better.

Biblical Limericks: Who Made Him Do It?

Parts of scripture need to be straightened
because confusion is inflatin’;
David’s tale, for instance:
Who prompted his census?
Was it God or was it the satan?

2 Samuel 24 / 1 Chronicles 21 

Surprises in Psalm 63

I like to rail against the psalms.  It’s something that I do.  I hear people say, “Oh, I just love the psalms; they make me feel good,” and I wonder to myself (and sometimes out loud) “which Psalms are you reading exactly?”  Don’t get me wrong, however.  I don’t push back against them because I reject them or despise them.  I wrestle with the biblical psalms because I find myself in them – that is, I find both the me that I know I am, and the me I would want to be.

I’m reading Psalm 63 today – another of the “psalms of David.” And though we might question the attribution of several of those psalms that are attributed to King David, there’s nothing in Psalm 63 that would specifically preclude it from being considered an authentic psalm of David.  Another suggestion is that this psalm is the prayer of an exiled Levite / temple worker who longs to resume his participation at the temple. (Dahood, 96)  Possible, I suppose. But I see no compelling reason to dismiss the Davidic setting.   (Even if it were written by someone other than King David, it seems to accurately capture something of this time in David’s life.)

The superscription to the psalm places it during his time in the wilderness of Judah.  There were actually two times that David is said to have lingered in the deserts of Judah – once while he was pursued by King Saul (1 Samuel 22 – 23) and later during the revolt of his son Absalom (2 Samuel 15 – 16).  This psalm would seem to fit better during the later since the author refers (or seems to refer) to himself as “the King” in verse 11. 

There were two surprises waiting for me in Psalm 63 today.  The first is the appearance of the concept of rewards and punishments in the afterlife.  For the most part, the Hebrew Bible (Old Testament) has very little to say about the afterlife, the focus is not on “going to heaven” or “avoiding hell.” It is focus on living a good life, here and now.  A good life is its own reward.  Especially in the earlier parts of the Hebrew bible, though in some of the later books there is a developing idea of rewards for the righteous and punishments for the wicked.

I will praise you as long as I live,

    and in your name I will lift up my hands.

I will be fully satisfied as with the richest of foods;

with singing lips my mouth will praise you.
Psalm 63: 3 – 4 (NIV)

It’s vague in the NIV (my usual complaint about the NIV) – but it seems that the psalmist expects a future reward.  Reading the same verses from Mitchell Dahood’s translation in the Anchor Bible series is more striking:

So may I bless you through my life eternal,

in your heaven raise my hands.

Yonder with milk and fatness

may my desire be satisfied

while my lips shout for joy

my mouth will praise you.

It seems that the Psalmist expects some sort of reward in heaven – “yonder” to feast in the presence of God. A few verses later we find the psalmists expectation of punishment for the wicked (again from Dahood’s translation):

But they who murderously seek my life,

may they go to the nether world’s depths.

May they be smitten by him

with the edge of the sword,

Become the portion of jackals.
(Psalm 69: 9 – 10)

This is almost, but not quite, “may they go to hell!”  I know that the concept of “hell” is more of a New Testament idea, The Hebrew Bible describes the place of the dead, in the depths of the earth, as sheol, as “the grave” where all the dead go – the good, the bad, and the ugly… but in this psalm is an expectation of punishment in death for the wicked – in fact the curse “may they be devoured by jackals” would be a punishment even into the afterlife…afterdeath…

I won’t try to build too much on these… they’re pretty vague and dependent upon a particular translation… but it’s a little surprising (at least to me) to see these concepts creeping in so early in the theological story.

The other surprise for me was this outburst of violence in verses 9 and 10, these curses wrapped up within this otherwise beautiful and intimate expression of a desire to be close to God. (I wrote a bit about this last week in Psalm 58.)  And it’s like this throughout the psalms – those beautiful and uplifting songs of our faith are filled with shocking and gruesome statements. 

It’s no good to sanitize the bible – to take out all the rough edges and grit and dung. Doing so makes the bible unbelievable.  I think of Psalm 63  (and others like it) as an example of the Japanese concept of wabi-sabi - beauty that includes imperfection.  The psalm is more wonderful, not less, because of this (seemingly) incongruous outburst of violence.  This is real, and reality is flawed. 

And, because we’re on the Psalms, here is one of my favorite authors talking about psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs.

And here is a song based on Psalm 63

Dahood, Mitchel, S. J. Psalms II (51 - 100) Introduction,Translation, and Notes, Doubleday & Company, Inc, Garden City, New York, 1968.

Biblical Limericks: Well That Escalated Quickly

A Psalm of David we now tell:
I thirst for my God in a dry spell.
As for my enemy
who would lie about me,
may he die by sword and go to hell!

Psalm 63

Biblical Limericks: King David Was Wrong

King David admits his guilt, it’s true,
but adds, “God I’ve only sinned ‘gainst you…”
I won’t say he’s a liar,
but what of Uriah?
He should start his confession anew.

Psalm 51:4