Stephen King Blows the Death of St. Paul

I've been reading (and re-reading) my way through the works, old and new, of Stephen King. I like his books; I like them not in spite of, but precisely for all the schlock and the horror, for all the vulgarity and mayhem. I like them because they are intelligent books, and filled with deep insight and humor.  And hope. There is a good deal of hope in King's horror.

But occasionally good Mr. King blows it.

This morning I'm careening towards the conclusion of one of my favorites, 'Salem's Lot (1975) and find the following (mis)statement:

"It's as old as Macedonia," Father Callahan said, "Hanging the body of your enemy or betrayer upside down so that his head faces earth instead of heaven. St. Paul was crucified that way, on an X-shaped cross with his legs broken." (332)

Whoooops!

According to Christian tradition, St. Paul was tortured and then beheaded. According to the early church historian Eusebius, Paul was killed during the reign of Nero ca. AD 65 - 68. (Eccl. Hist. 2.25.5).  It was St. Peter who, according to tradition, was crucified upside down. And it is St. Andrew who is usually associated with the X-shaped cross.

Real Vampires

With Dracula you knew where you stood-
he’d drain you, leave you dead in the end,
but real vampires like to pretend
they’re protecting you, for your own good.

Vampire

Enormous liberties were taken, that part was true. In the confusion and in the midst of all the lies, the people were motionless, dumb with horror. The Red Death was not the enemy after all. We assumed a heroic stature that was not our own. The viscera told us the truth, it was our brains that lied.

More Anomalies A – Z: Vampires

Take this, my friend; wear it.  It will protect you from the Motetz Dam, the bloodsucking children of the Night Hag.  Her daughters screech, “Give! Give!” and “More! More!” They drain the blood (and the blood is the life) from men while we are sleeping.  They are never satisfied; you know this.  There is never enough to slake their unholy thirst.

But wearing this amulet you will be safe, protected from Lilith’s children.  It is inscribed with an incantation that I learned from a Phoenician.  And he picked it up at one of the secret shrines of the Egyptians.   Hear it is. I will read it for you, so that you will know it is authentic, and that it has power.  Real power.

“O Flying One, O unnamed evil, Sasam! and Sasam! O god, O Strangler of Lambs! The house I enter you shall not enter; the court I tread you must not tread; the clothes I wear you must not touch.  And my blood is my own.

“You are bound and you are sealed, all you demons, and devils, Sison! and Sison!  You who appear in the night, you who burn with hunger, you who burn and cast down with nightmares, away from this house, away from me.

Amen, Amen, and Selah.

“Vanquished are your black arts and mighty spells. Vanquished are your curses.  Vanquished are your teeth and claws. Vanquished from this house, and its four wall, vanquished from the earth and vanquished in the heavens.  Vanquished are all your constellations and your stars.  Susem! and Susem!

“Amen, Amen and Selah.”

So you see, my friend, it is a good amulet.  It will keep you very safe from the Motetz Dam. I will sell it to you. 

Ritual at Eleven (Punch and Cookies to Follow)

Modernist composer Edgard Varèse (1883 – 1965) described music as “organized sound.”  This is an example of that.  Created in Ableton Live (8) with material of my recording, a sound sample from the movie The Satanic Rites of Dracula (1974) and one sound from the Freesound Project.

Bell Synth

The Battle for the Hearts of the People is All in His Mind

No one would have believed that
in the latter half of the nineteenth century,

when exuberant scholars were still yet to embark

upon their third quest for various imaginary Jesuses,
I  would be followed across the countries of Europe
and  through the kitchen into my living room

(stepping over the sump-pump and
through the concrete cut-out to the window)

by an esoteric cult of dueling linguists.
I screamed bloody murder to anyone who believed
in the eschatological importance of the First World War
to no success.  I faxed pictures and statistics
but the global Marxist conspiracy still refused to broadcast
my film documenting the gradual choking of American universities.

Donny was a true believer, but that didn’t help him
when his passport was revoked and his visa shredded.
Eliza was never one to restrain herself, but even she
was forced to scan the Chicago Tribune obituary pages
for coded messages about Romanian bureaucrats.

My friends, they have been planning this war for hundreds of years.
Only dedication, hard work, and pro-American activities will ensure our victory.
We must wear T-shirts emblazoned with the Ten Commandments.
We must rush to judgment.

The Trilateral Commission is behind most of these festering complications
and for more than forty-five years I have been studying the satanically-inspired 
conspiracy of the Illuminati to use UN trained vampires in this,
their war against the American people and our anti-humanist dreams.
If you don’t hear from me again, you must continue in my stead.
There are strict rules about transporting corpses 
but, with or without me, you must go on.  

(2012)

It's Time for Monster Movies

It’s October.  It’s time for monster movies.  It’s time for screams in the dark.  So I’m going to watch a horror movie every night this month.  (I’m actually rather excited, so I’ve started early…)

Here’s my plan:

Sept. 30 – Trollhunter (2010)

Oct. 1 – Mark of the Devil (1970)

2 – Wolfen (1981)

3 – Glass Dolls (1971)
4 – Moon of the Wolf (1972)  Dagon (2001)

5 – Sheitan (2006)
6 – Shiver (2008)
7 – Goth (2008)

8 – Don’t Torture a Duckling (1972)
9 – The Black Belly of the Tarantula (1971)

10 – The Bloodstained Shadow (1978)  Dead Snow (2009)

11 – Daughters of Darkness (1971)  Arang (2006)

12 – Inferno (1980)  Barking Dogs Never Bite (2000)

13 – The Cat O’Nine Tails (1971) Paranormal Activity (2006)

14 – The Perfume of the Lady in Black (1974) Creepshow (1982)

15 – Xombie: Dead on Arrival (2003)

16 – Empire of the Ants (1972) Undead or Alive (2007)

17 – The Food of the Gods (1976) Cronos (1993)

18 – Return of the Ape Man (1944)

19 – The Legend of Hell House (1973)

20 – Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter (2001)

21 – Black Swarm (2007)

22 – Mutants (2009)

23 – Ripper: Letter from Hell (2001)

24 – Let the Right One In (2008)

25 – Thirst (2009)

26 – Vampire Circus (1972)

27 – Dunwich Horror (1970)

28 – Countess Dracula (1971)

29 – Shadow Puppets (2007)

30 – Night Junkies (2007)

31 – Vampyre (1932)

I’ve tried to pick a wide selection of movies – vampires, zombies, werewolves, killers, ghosts, and trolls (TROLLS!) – from different eras and from all around the world.  I’ve not seen any of these.   I’ll be writing up my thoughts and reviews of them for this blog. 

If you’ve seen any of them feel free to share your comments.

I might change this list as I go along. 

Prince Vlad III Dracula of the House of Basarab

Sworn to the Order of the Dragon
like his father before – to defend the faith
and to hold back the encroaching crescent moon
the dark prince, ruler of Wallachia
and the lands beyond the forest,
is merciless and cruel.

He feasts in a forest of his own making
a thousand upright pales
casting long shadows in the setting sun
and atop those wooden stakes
hanging corpses – food for ravens and crows.

The stakes go in through the navel
or through the buttocks of each victim,
their screams cease when the poles
erupt in blood from their opened throats.

This devil son of the dragon is amused
and more – he hacks off limbs and ears,
he decapitates, he emasculates, and he laughs,
impaling pregnant mothers through their wombs
so they might die with their yet unborn
and skinning men alive to display them outside their flesh.

Now That You've Found Me

“Are you...?” she stopped, gasped and poked one finger between her pink painted lips. Her cheeks flushed with blood and nervous embarrassment. “Are you really…?”

He didn’t move at all except to narrow his eyelids ever so slightly. “Yes,” he whispered, “I am exactly what you’ve been looking for.”

She gasped and stretched out her arms to embrace him, but he pushed her back with his strong solid arms. “I am exactly what you’ve been looking for, but now that you’ve found me I think you will be … disappointed.” He let the word hang in the space between them.

“I don’t understand.” Her eyebrows arched in worried confusion.

The vampire leaned over her now and said, “I don’t sparkle.” His teeth sank deep into the flesh of her neck, piercing her veins. She was dead in moments.

Aeolian Drift - and - Another Published Piece of Writing

This little piece features both the aeolian mode and an aeolian harp
as well as the following sounds from the Freesound Project:


A minor Aeolian
D Phase Drone
Gliss Up-Down

You can download the Aeolian Drift here.

And you may also be interested to know that
My poem She Remembers and She Despairs  is now available in Hungur Magazine  Issue 11 which you can order here.  (Scroll down a bit - the various magazines available are in alphabetical order...)

Hungur Magazine is a biannual print magazine of vampire themed stories and poetry.  My work considers the legend of Lilith.

Goodnight, Gentlemen (Don't let the vampires get you)

Just a bit of music made from some downloaded samples and a little bit of my own writing.
You can download it here.

My Favorite Vampire Books

I spent a good portion of today in a bus full of teenagers and young adults.  We're heading to Omaha, Nebraska for a band trip.  (Why else would anyone go to Omaha?)  The bus smelled, of course, like teenage boys, gym shoes and beef jerky.  I tried to ignore it.  I spent part of the time writing my presentation material for next weekend's theology conference in Ohio (I know. I'm traveling everywhere.) and part of the time reading a new book:

Abraham Lincoln - Vampire Hunter by Seth Grahme-Smith (author of another recent favorite, Pride and Prejudice and Zombies)

And I am enjoying it very much.  I frequently read books about American History, and have read several about our esteemed 16th president, and it is fun to see how the fiction of this story weaves in and around the events of reality.  The telling rings true enough that I could will myself to believe it.

Facts

1.  For over 250 years, between 1607 and 1865, vampires thrived in the shadows of America.  Few humans believed in them.
2.  Abraham Lincoln was one of the gifted vampire hunters of his day, and kept a secret journal about his lifelong war against them.

3.  Rumors of the journal's existence have long been a favorite topic among historians and Lincoln biographers.  Most dismiss it as myth.

I'm a little more than half way through it.  I've heard rumors that Pride and Prejudice and Zombies is going to become a movie and that sounds cool, but Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter!  Doesn't that just sound like a great movie?  Yes.  The answer is, Yes.

As I've been enjoying this vampire book, I've been thinking about others that I have read and enjoyed or not enjoyed.  Earlier this year I read Dracula: The Undead.  I didn't care for that one so much.  Strike that.  I didn't like it at all. I wanted to, but there was nothing good about it.

99 Coffins by David Wellington in a setting similar to ALVH.  Through a series of flashbacks we follow a unit of vampire soldiers in the Civil War discovered entombed in coffins beneath the Gettysburg battleground.  I've also read Wellington's Monster Island - a zombie novel, and I liked it as well.  I recommend both of these.

I read the entire Twilight series.  I know.  I know. You've just lost all respect for me.  I've lost all credibility.  But if you've been reading this blog in recent months you are aware that I'm quite willing to subject myself to godawful fiction on behalf of others.  I read Stephanie Meyer's books for the young ladies in my Sunday School class.  They were very excited about the series, and when they discovered that I like vampire stories they were quick to suggest them to me - to foist them upon me.  I read them and shared my impressions.  The girls were not impressed with what I had to say.   

There is of course, the great-granddaddy classic: Dracula. I first read this when I was 11.  I was engrossed. I loved it.  I read it late into the night in my basement room by the light of a small bedside lamp. And when I turned the final page, I closed it and started over again. 

In high school I read Anne Rice's Interview with the Vampire.  I actually read the entire series, but the only one that I really liked - the only one that really resonated for me was this first volume.  I understood Louis' despair, or at least I thought I did.  I was a gloomy, moody, lonely teenager. 

Stephen King's Salem's Lot is a wonder.  Wow.  Moving the vampire story from the Gothic and Edwardian London and Transylvania to small town America was such a brilliant thing.  We take it for granted now, but it was a bold shift in the vampire story.  No longer were they somewhere over there in cobwebby castles in countries with difficult names.  Now they were here.  I can't read that book without hearing (or re-hearing, rather, in my memory) the music of Gustav Holst The Planets Suite.  I listened to that over and over as I read Salem's Lot and now the two are permanently entwined for me.  I also can't read it without crying a little bit for Father Callahan.  I appreciate very much that he gets to find some redemption in The Dark Tower series.

Another more recent vampire story that I have enjoyed is The Historian the debut novel of Elizabeth Kostova.  I love everything about this book: the attention to historical detail, the slow deliberate pacing of discovery, the connection made between the reader (me) and the characters.  It's a vampire story, a detective story, a Gothic romance, a travelogue, and a historical thriller.  It's great.

Other great ones include I Am Legend by Richard Matheson (which has inspired 3 filmed interpretations, none of which have I enjoyed.)  And - chuckle all you want.  I like it. - Bunnicula by James Howe. That little vampire bunny was so much fun.

Dracula the Un-Dead:

At the library the other day my wife spied a novel that she thought I would find interesting:

Dracula: The Un-Dead

and she was right.  I like a good vampire story, and this one - written by Dacre Stoker, the great grand-nephew of Brahm Stoker seemed promising.

I should have given up after the first 60 pages, but instead I marched doggedly through the entire 389 pages of this dreck.  It was aweful. And I'm surprised.  Really surprised.

It seems as if Dacre Stoker (and his co-conspirator in this grave robbing, Ian Holt) don't have any respect for the novel that inspired this sequel.  Set 25 years after the original, all the surviving characters are misanthropic and unsympathetic.   Johnathan Harker is a drunkard who hates Mina and frequents prostitutes, Mina Harker has become a semi-vampiric nymphomanic.  Johnathan and Mina have a 24 year old son, Quincy, who spends the entire novel whining, "ehhhh, my daddy is too hard on me...."  Arthur Holmwood is a self loathing recluse, Dr. Seward is a morphine addicted lunatic. Van Helsing - oh man! his character is completely inverted. All the good and noble (though crazy) aspects of Van Helsing are tossed out the window and all that's left is a narcissistic and foolish old man.  And when Dracula,the "dark prince" (as he is constantly called) finally shows up he's an emasculated weakling not the the immortal monster of Bram's novel.   It's as if Stoker and Holt set out to disgrace Stoker's characters.  And even more - it's as if they wanted to disgrace Bram Stoker himself, who plays a role in the novel.

The plotting is clumsy  - with numerous side plots and diversions.  The inclusion of a Jack the Ripper connection was poorly executed and ultimately confusing.  The action sequences are contrived and implausible.  The characters are, as i said, unsympathetic and their motivations are contrived and unrealistic.
And the writing is poor.  POOR.  OH MY GOODNESS PAINFULLY POOR.  In places it was like reading an essay written by a jr. high schooler. 

Save yourself the time.  Keep your love for Dracula.  Don't read this one.