The Chymist

I found another drawing of my friend, Dr. P. L. Tarrec, dressed in the traditional garb of Moroccan alchemists.

Tarrec told me that you could always tell when the other alchemists he encountered while living in the city of Fez had assembled during the night to debate their processes by the smell of sulfur. It was there taught the members of the Brotherhood of Games to make black-powder explosives from fermented urine and there that he learned to calculate the dialectical movement of dark stars.  

Dr. Tarrec and Michael Scot

I received another letter from my friend Dr. Tarrec today. His letters never fail to amuse me.

My dear Jefrey,

You know that I do not often watch the televised programs broadcast on television. I much prefer the study of books, and, in any case, I am usually far too busy with my alchemical experiments to waste time watching game shows or situational comedies or programs of the incredibly misnamed “reality” variety.

However, I have recently discovered a television program from several years ago that goes by the name of The Office. I do not know if you are aware of it. Perhaps you have seen it? It is an engaging and really quite humorous. But I was caught up into the program, not because of its laughter inducing antics, but because I know – or knew, rather – Michael Scot.

What must have been a lifetime or two ago, he and I travelled together through the Nomansland region of Italy, collecting material for his treatise on alchemy –De Sole et Luna. He was, in those days, the very tooth of wisdom. Together we turned a coven of witches into stone. There was not a doctor in all the realm who knew more about the urine of the Equus africanus asinus. We were imprisoned together, for a time, in a sweaty dungeon by Baron Ffouljakes. It was locked and forgotten in that oubliette that we worked out the details of what would become eventually become his Super Auctorem Spherae. 

I do not know how the Wizard of Balwearie escaped from the fourth Malebolge of the eighth circle of Hell, that pocket of the Inferno reserved for fraudulent practitioners of magic, wherein the damned have their heads twisted around backwards on their bodies. Master Durante degli Alighieri saw him there during his visionary travel. But that Scottish born mathematician, philosopher, necromancer, and astrologer was always incredibly clever. If anyone could have found a way to escape, it would have been Michael Scotus. Perhaps he stole a trick from those Italian mummers who would dress as the devil during the Gioco de Veglio, “the game of the old man,”  and slipped surreptitiously through the gates of hell.

I did not immediately recognize my old compatriot in the show, and do I understand why he pretends now to be this Steve Carrell figure. His disguise is consummate, portraying himself as the bumbler clown, but knowing him as I do, I can see through his dissimulation. There are flashes when his chemystical genius pierces through the veil of buffoonery. He once wrote that “every astrologer is worthy of praise and honor, since by such a doctrine he knows many of the secrets of God and things which few know,” and that is, my friend, what she said…



P.L. Tarrec

A Limerick for Dihydrogen Monoxide

It is time for us all to decide,
we will no longer like sheep abide
while a deadly toxin’s
pumped into our systems:
NO MORE DIHYDROGEN MONOXIDE!

Did you know that Dihydrogen Monoxide (DHMO)-also known as hydric acid, or hydroxyl acid-is used as a coolant in nuclear power-plants?  It is a powerful solvent and the major component of “acid rain.”  The accidental inhalation of DHMO, even in very small amounts, can cause death. Increased amounts of DHMO were found in New Orleans after hurricane Katrina.

And yet this dangerous substance is used in the making and manufacture of many beverages and snack foods and is transported across the country without regulation.  This is dangerous stuff, people.

(grin)

I Get the Weirdest Spam Mail, Sometimes

I get the weirdest spam mail, sometimes:

Good day, sir.

I am contacting you with a good faith and believing that you are going to assist me in a very important alchemical transaction. Please, do not think this email as one of the scam mails, for your assistance in this transaction could save the world.

There is a restive $85million dollars fund belonging to my late client, Muammar al-Gaddafi, Former president of Libya is unable to move forward.  The money is not, sadly, in currency cash. It remains in unconverted lead sheeting. 

And after his death all of his family members was arrested. I have shifted the sheeting to an escrow storage facility so that nobody will have access to them again. I want very much to fulfill my client’s final wishes: to convert the sheets into gold and invest the fund in your country. 

All I need from you is these two things.  First, your honesty and sincerity for you to tell me that you are not going to expose the fund and Second, your skill in such alchemical transformations.  My late client, Muammar al-Gaddafi, Former president of Libya, left detailed instructions, but I am unschooled and unable to make sense of them. 

For your kind assistance (and secrecy) in this matter I will give you 30% of the total plus expenses for your assistance in this transaction, please kindly get back to me and let me know the line of business where we can invest this money in your country send me your full name address and call phone number Reply me on this Email: XXXXXXXXXX@XXXX.com

Also. It appears that you have not paid for driving on a toll road.  The invoice has been sent repeatedly.  To view a copy of the court notice *click here*.  Please read it thoroughly.  If you cannot attend the hearing, the judge may hear the case in your absence.  I could be pleased to service your debt in this matter in the shortest time possible.  Opportunities like this NEVER arise, but observe for yourself this one isn't too good to be true!

Best Regards,
Mr. Mames Jambo

NOTE>This message will be automatically deleted in 3 days molecular.

Another Letter from Doctor Tarrec

I have received another letter from my strange friend, Dr. Tarrec.  I’d been a little concerned since I hadn’t heard from him in so long.

Dear Jeffrey,

Thank you for your recent letters.  You cannot know how much your continued friendship means to a lonely old man like myself. 

I am well, thank you, though I have not left the basement of my house for several weeks.  I have subsisted on canned tuna, dried fruit and my emergency stores of deionized water.  I have been collecting and fermenting my urine in large vats.  I can extract goldfrom it.  My solid waste, however, has been more difficult to deal with.

I retreated to the basement because of the attacks being waged against me by the USAF. They have been spraying my house for years with their chemtrails – but recently they shifted away from using electrically conductive particles (as part of their HAARP – High Frequency Active Auroral Research Program – one of their electromagnetic super weapons).  They are now spraying Wöhler processed aluminum ions and psioni-phosphates.  Both of these chemicals are used in bio-chemical mind control programs, particularly in Belgium.  (The Council of Eight has more freedom and can act with impunity there.) 

But never fear, my boy.  I have devised a way to minimize the deleterious effects.  I simply cover my cranium with a thin sheeting of aluminum.  This effectively blocks the dangerous substances from reaching my brain.  I can now return to my work without fear of being brainwashed (again) by the USAF.

However, I am somewhat frustrated in my work.  My research into the Christological themes presented in the Toxic Avengers movies has stalled.  Perhaps I can revise my thesis by expanding it to include more of the Troma Films such as Sgt. Kabukiman N.Y.P.D. and Surf Nazis Must Die.  I will keep you informed as my work continues.

Again, I must thank you for the items that you sent me.  The automatistic writing motor was a special treat. Thank you.

Dr. Tarrec

The Alchemy of February

It's mystical drones and ambient reactions. It's Alchemy in February.

From Dr. Tarrec's Notes - A Coded Treasure Map

These are a few more of the notes I found in Dr. Tarrec's Alchemy journals.  This page appears to be some sort of coded treasure map.  A few symbols have been drawn on the page; their placement does not appear to be random - though their significance is not yet understood.

Dr. Tarrec's handwriting tended toward the tight cramped script.  I have transcribed a copy of the text below for your convenience.

Dr. Tarrec's Alchemical Notes - 1.docx

The Secrets of the Alchemical Architecture of the Temple Mount

I was going through one of Dr. Tarrec's steamer trunks today, sorting through the various bits and scraps of his unpublished writing and journals. Amongst his papers I found this tantalizing fragment of a (presumably) lengthier work analysing the alchemical mysteries prophetically embedded in the architecture of the various buildings of the Temple Mount in Jerusalem.  His papers are not arranged in any systematized order, and there are thousands of pages (not counting the notes of assorted sizes, hastily written on the back of business cards, napkins, and receipts).  I am trying to put them into a coherent order, but the project will probably take me the rest of my life.  When (if) I find more of this particular work, I will publish it here. - thatjeffcarter

The Secrets of the Alchemical Architecture of the Temple Mount

Pray for Us, Saint Helveticus

St. Helveticus was born in Spiez, Switzerland on the shores of Lake Thun, in the year 1627.  He was a tall, thin man with extraordinarily small feet.  After completing his education and several years of teaching at the University of Helmstedt in Germany, he returned to his native Spiez to continue his studies privately. Although he had, while still at university, perfected a number of alchemical processes, his intensely private nature made it difficult for him to lecture or to demonstrate his work to his students or fellow professors. His formula for a reverse transmutation of elements (turning Gold into baser elements like Lead) was described, but without any specific details, by many who were in attendance for his final lecture.

After returning to the place of his birth, he secluded himself within his laboratory inside the walls of Spiez Castle.  There he developed many more alchemical formulas - few of which have survived to this day.  The journals containing his work were mostly destroyed in a fire in 1873.  Hagiographers have poured over the remaining scraps of his writings and have scoured the libraries of Switzerland, hoping to find something more.  Though usually eclipsed by another, more famous, Swiss alchemist – Paracelsus – Saint Helvitcus continues to inspire.

Come, effervescence.
Come, bubbling mystery.
Come, hidden secrets;
enlighten your humble student.

Teach me the formula by which you can be known.
Teach me the changes I must make.

-From the fragments of St. Helveticus’ journal

Revelation 9:1 – Another Fragment of Dr. Tarrec’s Alchemical Commentary on the Apocalypse

The fifth angel sounded his trumpet, and I saw a star falling from the sky to the earth. The star was given the key to the shaft of the Abyss.  Revelation 9: 1

Few biblical commentators are qualified to discuss the meaning of these verses for few have undertaken to study the semiotic significance of the various stellar references in the Revelation of St. John the Seer.  Few have given time to observe the movement of the stars and planets, or to consider the influence the motion of these heavenly bodies has upon the meaning and interpretation of scripture.  It is s not enough to read the dry words upon the printed page, one must know the vector of the planets as they moved through the houses of the heavens as those words were first recorded. 

And yet this ignorance has not prevented them from issuing the most trivial and irrelevant comments upon this chapter and many others like it.

In the beginning of his record of this Revelation, John told us that he was ‘in the spirit on the Lord’s Day.’  By this he does not merely mean that he was worshipping on the Sabbath, or that it was the Christian Sabbath, Sunday – though these statements are neither incorrect nor inconsequential.  But John is telling us something more.  The deeper meaning of that phrase is John’s grounding of the Revelation in astrological observation and it is this that should guide the careful commentator.

The ‘Lord’s Day’ is not just a generic notation of a day of the week –but a clue for the scholar and student.  Here John is telling us that he is ‘in the spirit’ – that is, caught up into the houses of the heavens, and with the phrase ‘on the Lord’s Day’ he makes that reference more specific.  The Lord is none other than Leo the Lion – for the Lord Jesus is the Lion of Judah.  By this we can understand that John was writing sometime between July 23 and August 22. 

Now, keeping this in mind, when we read that John saw a star falling from the sky, we can know with a fair degree of certainty which star he means.  It is the star Regulus – which means “Little King” and is also called Qalb al-Asad in Arabic – meaning “the Heart of the Lion.”  Ancient Persian astronomers (perhaps even those who came to visit the infant Jesus in Bethlehem) knew this star as “Magh” meaning “the Great.” 

This reference to a falling star should not be dismissed, as it too commonly is by those ignorant and untrained commentators mentioned earlier, as an angel – though angels are most certainly at work here.  When John says ‘star’ he does, in fact, mean a ‘star.’  And still others will scoff that stars (which are many times larger than the planet Earth) cannot literally fall to the Earth without completely enveloping and consuming it.  These mockers are as thickheaded as those witless scholars who relegate it entirely to the sphere of angelic action.  The Greek word here blandly rendered ‘star’ is aster and refers to all physical bodies in the heavens – stars, planets, and, obviously, asteroids. 

The true impact of this verse is that an object from the region of Regulus in the constellation Leo (put into motion and guided by angelic forces, no doubt) will collide with the earth, breaking open the shaft the abyss.  Those who because of their lack of understanding of these astrological forces cannot comprehend this should shut their mouths.  The key in hand here is the power to crack open the surface of the earth and to open a gateway to hell.  

Dr. Tarrec Ponders Vitriol and the Seven Trumpet Angels

Dr. Tarrec Ponders Vitriol and the 7 Trumpet Angels

Revelation 10:10 – More Scraps from Dr. Tarrec’s Alchemical Commentary on the Apocalypse

Then I took the ancient scroll out of the Angel’s hand and ate it, and it was in my mouth as sweet as honey: but when I had eaten it, my belly was bitter.  Revelation 10: 10

These words of St. John the Seer, these poetic descriptions of Hermetic changes have proved too much for mere theologians.  Scholars uninitiated into the secret alchemical underpinnings of this Revelation consistently fail to understand what is actually being uncovered before their very eyes.  And this is to be lamented.  If Christ himself were to descend today from the clouds, he would find few with whom he could converse on these matters.  He would meet few diligent practitioners, but only schools of men repeating their empty philosophies and weak theologies.  He would find few like John, willing to risk painful poisons in order to consume the secret mysteries.

The ancient scroll here ingested by our Visionary represents chemical changes, represents Transformation.  Transmutation – but now in reverse, from the sweet to the bitter, from the noble to the base, from the uncanny to the banal.  No longer will it be the changing of lead into gold; that time has passed.

St. Helveticus, writing in the 17^th century, was among the first to perfect this transmutation in reverse.  Before an audience of his students and fellow professors at the University of Helmstedt in Germany, he demonstrated his processes – but kept several important steps of the procedure secret.  His students, in the years after his death, were never able to successfully recreate his work. 

Likewise here, St. John the Seer has not described the contents of the book, nor its secrets.  He has not told us how these changes will occur. And yet we can know something of the results.  After ingesting the words of the scroll, words that changed from sweet to foul as they entered his belly, St. John was instructed to speak again to the nations of the world.  He was charged to deliver an account of the transformations that were about to be performed upon the earth, of the transmutations about to occur among the people given to know and to understand the Hermetical secrets.

He would not remain mute.  He would speak to princes and to kings.  But the kings were indifferent to the matter.  And those who were not indifferent were actively hostile to his proclamations.  One emperor gave this edict in response to the changes that St. John the Seer described: “From now on, nobody shall, under penalty of felony, multiply gold and silver by means of alchemical transmutations; neither shall they work these changes in reverse.” 

Another Fragment of Dr. Tarrec’s Alchemical Commentary on the Apocalypse

And great earthquakes shall be in divers places, and famines, and pestilences; and fearful sights and great signs shall there be from heaven. [i]

Now is the appointed hour.  Then beginning of the end of times is approaching, and the signs have begun to appear in the heavens.  I have seen the chemtrails left in the sky by evil kings.  I can read the messages written into the weather patterns, changed though they are by the US Air Force, seeding the clouds with silver oxide and Aqua Ragia.  Out of the south cometh the whirlwind: and cold out of the north.[ii]  The winds of God are blowing.  The future is coming, blown in on the cold north winds. 

The Pyroxylic Spirits have been released from the boxes that have held them for centuries and now these whirlwind riders are spreading death beneath their wings.  With them come aromatic angels, the Hartshorn Spirits, who fly over the earth with thunder and great noise. Thou shalt be visited of the LORD of hosts with thunder, and great noise, with storm and tempest, and the flame of devouring fire.[iii]  They shall cover the earth with Spiritus Fumans, thick clouds of choking smoke and then the end shall come.

---

[i] Luke 21:11

[ii] Job 37:9

[iii] Isaiah 29:6 

Do You Want To Know the Future? - by Dr. Tarrec

This is the first draft of the first chapter of Dr. Tarrec's forthcoming book, "Do You Want to Know the Future?"

Dr. Tarrec is a world renown scholar in the field of alchemical theology. Using his unique background, Dr. Tarrec unites the esoteric and mystical planes with exciting discoveries in science and technological breakthroughs.

Do You Want to Know the Future -Chapter1 by Jeff Carter

The Transmutation of Space

Famed alchemist Dr. Tarrec announced today that he is working with NASA officials to develop a process to aid in crossing the almost unimaginable distances of interstellar space.  “The Sons of God” he says “saw that the daughters of men were fair, and crossed through the mysteries of space to be with them.  We are attempting to recreate the alchemical reactions that allowed them to achieve this magnificent mode of travel.”

Specifically it was the angel Amnael who perfected this art, and left a record of his work with the Arabs.  It remained a forgotten and lost art for millennia, but now, with the rediscovery of an important manuscript, the Chrysopeia of Al-Mu'allim Al-Awwal interstellar travel can soon become a reality.  Dr. Tarrec has been, for the past seven years, working tirelessly to translate this obscure book of secrets and is now ready to launch (quite literally) into his work with NASA.

It will require a whole field of new specialties, but Dr. Tarrec predicts that by as early as 2025 humans could be traveling to distant star-systems on huge alembic engine space craft.  

Dr. Tarrec Pans for Gold

The smell that drifted up from the basement was, of course, obscenely noxious.  It burned the nostrils and caught at the back of one’s throat.  His neighbors cursed him and swore at him whenever they caught him entering or exiting his rooms, but Dr. Tarrec would not stop his experiments.  In the darkest corners of his basement the doctor (a wholly inappropriate and self applied title) was fermenting several large vats of urine. It was the golden color that first gave him the idea.  He would, through experimentation, discover an alchemical process to extract the soft golden metal from his urine.  He would achieve the ancient alchemists’ dream, the transmutation of the elements in order to produce gold.  Pure gold.

**

I found this little scrap of my writing on the back of a receipt, tucked away in the back of a desk drawer. Apparently I had an idea, scribbled it down and tucked it away to be forgotten.

Ho Tekton

Silent Saint Joseph
knew the password
to enter the Lodge.

He who was descended from a great and noble line,
descended from the deposed kings of Egypt
and from the alchemists of God,

Joseph who descended from
that primeval Master of the Craft,
Tubal-Cain, instructor of every artificer in brass and iron,
intolerable in battle and bold,

Silent Saint Joseph
did not so receive it
and neither so would he impart it
by letter or by syllable.

Joseph, imitator of Hiram Abiff
who concealed the secrets of Hermes
in the floor-plan of Solomon’s Temple
and would not reveal them
though he be struck dead.

He knew where the treasure was buried,
but what is more,
he knew where the bodies were buried.
He knew the contents of the missing 18 ½ minutes
in the Nixon White House Tapes.

but Silent Saint Joseph
knew how to keep a secret.

This Transaction Is Totally Free of Risk and Troubles

I get the weirdest Spam in my email account...

Dear Friend,

I will open MY mouth in Figures. I WILL utter things that have been concealed since creation.

Do accept my sincere apologies if my mail does not meet your personal ethics, but please be assured that it remains top secret and classified.  It has been sent to you and only you. 

I will introduce myself to you as Mr. Marcus L.  Paracelcus, a highly placed staff member of the Accounts Management Section of The First Alchemist Bank of Alkahest. One of our larger accounts with holding balance of US$4,000,000 (Four Million US Dollars) has been Dormant and has not been operated for the past six years.

From my investigation and confirmation, the owner of this account a foreigner, died in August 2005 and since his death nobody has done anything as regards the claiming of this money because he has no family members…at least, none who were aware of the existence of either the account or the funds.

I discussed this matter with some of my colleagues and we have agreed to find a Reliable Partner to deal with. We thus propose to do business with you, standing in as the NEXT OF KIN to the deceased, and funds will be released to you after due processes have been followed and necessary acid baths have been applied.

This transaction is totally free of risk and troubles* as the fund is completely legitimate and does not originate from Drug Sales, Money Laundering, Terrorism or any other illegal act.

Also, after a successful completion of this transaction, we intend to give you 40% of the account funds, plus an additional check to cover whatever expenses that you may incur.  We also pledge to provide complete medical and life insurance during the alchemical transference. 

If you are interested, send me the following information via email to me so that we can start processing this transaction.

1. Your complete name

2. Your time of birth- as exact as possible, please. This will assist our in-house astrologers in computing an accurate horoscope for you.

3.  Fax number where our agents can reach you.

4. A description of your 15 most recent dreams (a complete narrative, if you can remember).

Thank you for your understanding

Regards,

M. Paracelcus

* Or, as free from risk and troubles as I can make a procedure such as this.  

Saint Antimony of Egypt

Saint Antimony of Egypt, also known as Saint Antimony the Great, Antimony of the Desert, and Antimony the Monk-Killer was a Christian saint from Egypt and prominent leader among the Desert Alchemists.    The biography of Antimony’s life, written by Father Arsen, helped to spread the concept of anti-monasticism.  He is often credited as the father of all monk killers, but this is due, largely, to his excessively toxic reputation. 

Saint Antimony is often appealed to against fires, particularly house fires. In the past, many such conflagrations were referred to as “Saint Antimony’s Fire.”

O Father Antimony, by prayer you would extinguish the fires of the universe. Wherefore, intercede with Christ our God to save our souls from the lake of fire.