She stood three people in front of me at the gas station convenience store with her purchases. She had a great many things to buy and the clerk ringing her up must have been new; the transaction took a long time and this irritated the others standing in line. We were all eager to be on our way to wherever we were headed that Christmas Eve.
I wanted only to pay for my gas and my coffee it her purchases included:
33 lottery tickets
3 liters of Hawkeye vodka
4 bottles of peppermint schnapps
6 cartons of menthol cigarettes
A burrito
2 antiperspirants
4 packs of grape bubblegum
A banana
13 AAA batteries
A pint of chocolate milk (past its expiration date…)
A pine scented air freshener
2 bottles of Pepto Bismol
A bottle of ibuprofen
And A box of 12 prophylactics (pine scented)
Someone was having a merry Christmas, I suppose.
Eventually she completed her transaction and the line moved forward. I paid for my gas and coffee and went back to my car so I could continue the exhausting eight hour drive home.
As I left, I passed her again. She was outside screaming into her cell phone, “What do you mean she gave you an STD for Christmas? What the hell are you talking about?”
Merry Christmas, I suppose.
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