What Is My Brain Doing While I'm Asleep?

 

I have, for the past several nights, had dreams that I could not quite recall when I woke in the morning. This is not, in itself, unusual. Most dreams are forgotten the moment the sleeper awakens. They disappear like a breeze, stirring the mind for a moment and then gone. But I have practiced trying to recall them, and frequently find material in them that can be used in my writing. I appreciate my dreams and have worked at trying to hold on to the fleeting fragments that remain as I awaken. Still – these recent dreams have not stuck with me after I lifted my head from the pillow.

Except that there has been a nagging suspicion that these forgotten dreams have had something to do with my ex-wife – my first ex-wife to be more precise. But that’s where the precision ends. I cannot recall the situations, events, or characters of the dreams. I don’t know what happened. I only suspect, or perhaps fear, that she was there.

And this causes me some concern. Not so much that she was there – I know that even now these several years later I am still recovering from her departure and putting my life back together. Things in my life are much improved and I’m happy in my work, my hobbies, and my relationships. But – and here’s the real question: What is my brain doing while I’m asleep? What’s going on up there? I don’t trust my mind – even when I’m awake it must be carefully monitored to keep it under control. When I’m asleep I can’t control it. What is going through my brain when I’m asleep?

Addendum:

Last night I dreamt that my friend, Rick, was diagnosed with terminal brain cancer. Maybe dreams I can’t remember of my ex-wife are fine. Let’s go back to that.