A Remembrance

    Long ago and far away it happened this way. Arrows pierced me. Liver deep. My indigestion, your indignation. No part of me unscathed, unscarred. Bleeding, bloody on the rocks. Pierced and pecked. Eaten. Devoured

    But there is no long ago, is there? Rewind and playback the video, scratched with static. This is now with my sins stacked higher than my head and pressed by weights. Play it again. More weight. This is now. More.

    Stinking, sinking, festering wounds. I cannot feel the sun, the warmth and the light. I cannot remember how love felt. Where there was perfume, there is rot. Where there was warm touch there is cold withdrawal.

    I am twisted double in gloom and in fire. No secret sighs. The light is gone out. The dance is done.

    Cautious friends with folded hands shun my disease, unease at a distance. There are procedures to be followed. Decorum to maintain. Betrayed by hands I thought knew. The door closes quietly. The car is gone. The house is empty. Who am I speaking to?

    While enemies with traps and snares speak violence. They throw their heads back in laughter. “You have committed blasphemy!” they shout and at once there is an ambush of archers from the surrounding forest. I am arrow-pieced and murdered in my step.

    But I am deaf and cannot hear their threats. I am dumb and dry of throat and cannot plead. There is no water here.

    I have hope, but it is elsewhere. I have hope. I force a smile through the burden. There is something there. I lean back and close my eyes. I know. I can feel the beating of my heart behind my eyes. I have hope. They will not gloat, not for long, even if I slip.

Psalm 38