He comes around to harangue and harass, he insults me and belittles my faith and then he disappears. For a while. I go on about my life. I work. I write. I watch bad movies with my wife. And then he returns for another round or two of abuse.
“I don’t know why you put up with him,” my darling says to me. “He’s a troll.”
“Ahhh,” I nod and smile, “but he’s my troll.”
She stares at me for a second or two and then says, “That makes no sense and you know it.” She laughs. I laugh.
But he’s here again today. He catches mes as I’m working in the yard, raking leaves and pulling weeds. and he’s another argument for me. One I wouldn’t have expected.
“Lot was selfish,” he says to me without preamble.
Like I said, compared to some of his previous maneuvers this assault seemed indifferent. Insubstantial Inconsequential. Unnecessary, even. Like he wasn’t even trying anymore.
“You mean when his uncle Abram offered him his choice of land for his flocks and herds?” I ask to make sure I understand what he’s asking. “Genesis chapter fifteen or thereabouts?”
“Thirteen,” he nods. “Yeah. Lot was the selfish one. He was greedy and should have allowed his uncle, the patriarch, have the good land. He was greedy and he resisted his uncle’s authority.”
“How does Lot’s acceptance of Abram’s offer make him a rebel? And Abram had taken the good land, wouldn’t that have made Abram the selfish one?” I ask, but I am already too late, Gunner is moving on.
“Lot settled in the cities of the plain and pitched his tent toward Sodom.” He claps his hands. “Toward Sodom!”
“We have no indication that Lot or any member of his family participated in the sins of Sodom – which were not homosexuality but rape, and inhospitality, selfishness and a lack of concern for the poor. The fact that God sent angels to rescue Lot and his family should indicate that he was not…”
“Aha!” Gunner claps me on the shoulder with his meaty hand. “He pitched his tent toward Sodom, Jeff. You can’t get around that. Towards Sodom!” he shakes his head back and forth as he retreats back to his pickup truck.
“Bye, Gunner,” I say waving.
“What was that about,” my darling says from the door of the house.
“I have no idea,” I say and go back to pulling weeds.
An Imaginary Conversation with a Real Troll (the first of the series)
I Will Not Fight the Argument (the second)
Supermarket Wrestling (third conversation)
Do You Even Pray (the troll returns)
All Means All (A fifth conversation)
The Doctrine that Cannot Be Challenged (sixth conversation)
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