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Showing posts with label melancholy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label melancholy. Show all posts

Saturday, August 26, 2017

Biblical Limericks: Unsavory



Here I am, the man unsavory,
under the rod of the Lord’s fury.
He’s led me, day and night,
into darkness, not light.
I’m wasted, and broken, and dreary.

Lamentations 3: 1- 4


And - if you like the biblical limericks that I've been writing for a couple of years now, take note:  I am working on, and nearly finished with a book length collection of them. I'll have it to my publisher by the end of this month, and it will be available sometime not long after that.

Wednesday, April 26, 2017

Lonely Cold - New Music





I used Ableton Live and a few sounds from The Freesound Project to create these songs:

Lonely Cold 1
Lonely Cold 2
Pop Ring Tone
Tambourine 70 BPM
Korg - Mono - E4 - Revolving
Satellite Bad Signal
Loop A01a Drums  


Monday, April 24, 2017

Null Point Voids


The Zeros buzz outside, in the dark, just beyond the window while I sleep – while I am not sleeping. Buzzing. An empty noise, meaningless. Meaningless, meaningless, everything is meaningless buzzing in the dark.

The agents of naught – deputized, authorized, weaponized – hover just out of sight, hidden opportunists waiting for the moment to strike. Inexplicable, inherently inimical they answer to no one; they answer to nothing.

You cannot resist; they do not exist. Null point voids. Light shines through them leaving no mark, no shadow, no trace. Welter and waste. Speak silence and silence speaks, but says nothing. 

Tuesday, April 18, 2017

T Rex Walks Alone


After a night of partying at the discotheque, T Rex has to walk home alone.

T Rex Walks Home Alone by Jeff Carter on 500px.com

Saturday, April 15, 2017

Holy Saturday Silence


Holy Saturday by Jeff Carter on 500px.com




Saturday, May 21, 2016

I Would Beg Pardon, but from Whom? - New Music

I tangled the path and disrupted the plasma field line phenomenon. I fired the laser beam from orbit. I was undone by an erratic electron flow. I would beg pardon, but from whom?


I Would Beg Pardon, but from Whom? - Below are listed the various sounds I used from the Freesound Project:

01 – Autocephalous

02 – The Great Auk

03 – Corruption (Oh Boy)

Toy Glock 

04 – Gravitational Force, Emotional Impulse

05 – Other Angels

06 - Illegal Transmissions

07 –Dreamfree

08 – I Disappear

09 – I Would Beg Pardon, but from Whom?

Freedback 11 

10 – Chaos 7 Hazard 8

11  - Unpredictable Spotlights

12 – Theoretical Vexation





Monday, April 18, 2016

Pink Grey

Perhaps it could be said that many of my posts are somewhat melancholic, or are downright depressive. Perhaps. Here's something to brighten up the place a bit. It's not all gloom and glower around here.

Pink Grey by Jeff Carter on 500px.com

Pink Grey by Jeff Carter on 500px.com


Saturday, January 3, 2015

Monday, April 21, 2014

You Can't Spell Melancholy...







Don't read too much into it.  I just thought it was funny.

Saturday, March 30, 2013

Black Swans for Holy Saturday

I haven't found any traditions that relate black swans to Holy Saturday... but if I were in charge of anything there would be a connection.  Black Swans for Holy Saturday.

Black Swans / Holy Saturday photo BlackSwans_zps42d964e0.jpg

Friday, November 2, 2012

November

It's November, the 11th month of the year, (though it retains a name meaning "nine").



Feel free to download and share this song for November.

You might also appreciate last year's November song, Not with a Bang, but November

Thursday, November 1, 2012

Sleep, All Hope (Sleep, All Desire)





The song’s title comes from the French poet, Paul Verlaine:

“A vast black sleep
falls over my life
sleep, all hope
sleep, all desire.”

Saturday, October 13, 2012

Descending

If I remember rightly - I made the original sketch for this painting as I was watching the movie The Ladykillers - the original 1955 version with Alec Guinness and Peter Sellers.


Sunday, March 25, 2012

What I’m Reading: The Brothers Karamazov




“It was he, not my brother, killed our father.  He murdered him and I incited him to do it… who doesn’t desire his father’s death?”

“Are you in your right mind?” broke involuntarily from the President.

“I should think I am in my right mind…in the same nasty mind as all of you…as all these…ugly faces.”  He turned suddenly to the audience.  “My father has been murdered and they pretend that they are horrified,” he snarled with furious contempt. “They keep up the sham with one another. Liars!  They all desire the death of their fathers.  One reptile devours another…If there hadn’t been a murder, they’d have been angry and gone home ill-humored.  It’s a spectacle they want!”[i]

The Brothers Karamazov is a daunting work – over 700 pages of dense Russian literature, populated with hundreds of characters, each deeply drawn, and filled with complex thoughts about God, justice, morality, free-will, faith, and doubt, and reason.  It is a challenging book, but it is a work that I have enjoyed reading, twice (so far...)

The story center’s upon the murder of Fyodor Pavlovich Karamazov – an old, licentious buffoon, and father of the four brothers of the title.  Each of them had reasons to despise the old man.  Each of them is tainted by their desire to murder him.

Though the story is told by an unnamed narrator, who at times has a clear and almost omniscient understanding of the inner thoughts and feelings of the various characters, he is not all knowing and is not a completely reliable narrator.  He frequently admits his ignorance.  Several sections of the book are told by voices other than the narrator’s.  This shifting and subjective vantage is both a help and a hindrance in knowing the truth. Though the voice of the narrator and the voices of other testimony that he includes frequently overlap there are gaps.  We see much, but not everything.

And in the end, it is impossible to know who killed the old man.

Was it Alyosha, the young, sanguine “cherub”?  Was it Ivan, with his melancholic and wild intellect?  Was it the impulsive Dimitri?  Or was it the “stinking” illegitimate son, Smerdyakov?[ii]  We do not know, but everyone who reads the novel is drawn to one or another of the brothers.  Dostoevsky has invested each of them with intense and personal details, often drawn from his own life and character.  Smerdyakov, for instance, suffers from epilepsy just as the author did.

And the old buffoon himself, Fyodor Karamazov is invested with many characteristics of the author – his erratic personal life, his gambling, his debts – and even his very name: Fyodor.

The Karamazov brothers form a tragic dysfunctional family – a fractured family.  It is only as the novel opens that the brothers come together for the first time in their lives.  Taken broadly, they represent various aspects of all humanity – in their noble and praiseworthy attributes as well as in their depravity and ignorance.  They, like all of humanity, marvelous and terrible, horrible and lovely. 

It is a novel about guilt – both individual and collective – for who hasn’t, as some point, desired his or her father’s death?  But it is also a novel about desiring one’s own death – at least in a spiritual sense.  The desire to see our father dead is the desire to undo ourselves. 

The book’s epigraph helps to make this clear:

“Verily, verily, I say unto you, except a corn of wheat fall into the ground and die it abideth alone: but if it die, it bringeth forth much fruit.” – John 12:24




[i] Fyodor Dostoevsky – The Brothers Karamazov  translated by Constance Garnett, page 646
[ii] His name literally means “son of the reeking one.”

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

The Secret Place of Thunder - Freesound Dare #11

The theme of Freesound Dare #11 is, fittingly enough, Spring.  As we're getting a few minutes more sunlight every day (at least, those of us in the Northern Hemisphere), and as the temperatures are beginning to rise we are starting to think about Spring.

But the word Spring - in English - has many different meanings.  Among it's many connotations  it could be the season, it could be a mechanical spring, it could be a flow of water from the ground.  The challenge of the dare was to include these three different ideas in a work using sounds from the Freesound Project.

Here is my entry: The Secret Place of Thunder


The title is drawn from Psalm 81:7.
"You called me in trouble and I rescued you,
I answered you from the secret place of thunder."



If you like it, feel free to download it and to share it with a friend.

I used the following sounds and only these sounds from the Freesound Project:


The thunder, rain, and spring river sounds should be pretty obvious. I didn't mess around with them very much.   The blackbird trill was put through a number of delay effects, as was the mysterious traveler bird noise.  The the bass line and the melody were played with the jaw harp sound in a couple of different layers with multiple effects - some of which created another layer of bird-like tones - which fit in very well with the rest of the piece.

This song goes well with another of my recent bird songs - Anxious For Nothing

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

The Introvert and the Leper - Mark 1: 40 - 45




I am, by nature and temperament, an introvert.  When I tell people this they very often react with surprise, or by saying, “no you’re not.”  But it’s true.

I am not one that enjoys being with crowds of people.  After a few hours of interaction with others I’m ready to spend some time by myself.  I’ll go into my “man-cave” and close the door.  Don’t let me see you or hear you for a while and I’ll be okay.  Some are charged up by interaction with people. After a couple of hours of chatting with people about the weather and their grandkids and what happened last night on that-show-that-everybody’s-watching they are full of energy and ready to go right on talking for another several hours.  Not me. I am energized in my thoughts and in my thinking.  I like to be alone sometimes.  Sometimes I need to be alone.

And, based on reading the first chapter of Mark’s gospel, I’d be willing to be that Jesus was a bit of an introvert.  Look at how often he’s trying to get away by himself, trying to leave the crowds.  He sneaks out of the house in the still dark hours of the morning; he leaves the metropolis of Capernaum for the smaller backwater villages.  He’s trying to get away from the crowds.  He’s trying to limit his interaction to small, manageable sized groups.

But it isn’t that introverts want to be alone all the time.  As God said, “it’s not good for the man to be alone.”  Introverts need alone, quiet time to recharge and to think and to be whole – but we introverts need people too.  There’s a challenge in finding the balance.  Too much interaction and activity and noise ruins the introvert’s creativity and joy and ability to function.  Too little interaction and he becomes a recluse, a hermit. 
Jesus went to the smaller towns because he needed to speak to the people there as well.  It seems to me that he was balancing his personal needs with those of his mission.

After leaving the crowds of Capernaum for the outlaying villages, Jesus encountered a man with leprosy who came to him, pleading on his knees, “if you are willing you can make me clean.”

Leprosy, we should point out, was a diagnostic catch all for various skin diseases – and not what we commonly understand as leprosy today.  The disease that causes body parts to rot and fall off (not really) is more accurately Hanson’s Disease and is actually a disease that affects the human nervous system.  Biblical “leprosy” is an affliction of the skin (and sometimes clothing and the walls of houses).  It could include excessive dry and scaly skin or fungal growth or other ailment of the skin.[i]


People with leprosy were to be separated from the rest of the community.  They were to be quarantined.  And this was to limit the spread of the infection.  If you limit the exposure you can control the outbreak.  Lepers were to separate themselves until they could prove to an inspector (one of the priests) that the infection had fully and completely gone away.

But while Beauty may only be skin deep, Leperous contamination went all the way to the core.  People diagnosed with leprosy were generally thought to have been cursed or punished by God.  Moses’ sister, Miriam, was afflicted with leprosy after she challenged her brother.  King Hezikiah was given leprosy when he overstepped his privileges as king and tried to act as a priest in the temple.  The military general Namaan was only cured of his leprosy after he humbled himself.  The scheming servant Gehazi cused with it when he tried to set aside a little something extra for himself…

Leprosy showed itself on the surface – in red patches and inflammation and dry, scaly skin and white lesions – but the uncleanliness was thought to go all the way to the soul.  Lepers were kept apart, not only because they might spread the skin disease, but because they might also spread God’s disfavor and God’s curse.  The Leper, with his dry ashy skin not only looked like death, he was thought to have been afflicted with a sort of “living death” and was in all ways unclean. 

They were to rend their clothes, and to leave their hair unkempt.  They were to cover the lower half of their face and if approached by others were to shout out “Unclean! Unclean!”  They would remain unclean as long as they had the disease and were forced to remain alone outside the camp.[i]

This enforced isolation is very different than the introvert’s need for alone time. This was a complete removal from human contact and interaction.  It was, as the rabbis of that time called it, a “living death.”  It was lonely. 

In his novel, The Plague, Albert Camus described the emotional state of those forced to endure a lengthy quarantine from the rest of the world.  They came to know the “incorrigible sorrow of all prisoners and exiles, which is to live in company with a memory that serves no purpose.”  They could remember the good and pleasant things that had happened, but they could no longer enjoy them and so they became “hostile to the past, impatient of the present, and cheated of the future.”  Each one had to be content to “live only for the day, alone under the vast indifference of the sky.”[ii]

We don’t know how long this man with leprosy had endured this enforced isolation, but we can certainly sense his desperation.  How long had it been since he had sat with his family for a meal, or hugged his wife, wrestled with his children?  How long had it been since he’d joined his brothers at the synagogue for prayer?  How long had it been since he had walked through the streets of town, waving hello to those that he met?  How long had he been forced to endure that vast indifference?   He fell on his knees at Jesus’ feet and begged him, “If you are willing, you can make me clean.”  [iii]

And Jesus, moved with compassion[iv] stretched out his hand and touched the man and said, “I am willing.  Be clean.” 

He actually touched the man.  Rabbinic law demanded that no less than six feet be kept from a leper.  “Rabbi Meir would not eat an egg purchased in a street where had been a leper. Another rabbi boasted that he always threw stones at them to keep them far off.”[v] But Jesus reaches out his hand and touches the man.  Purposefully.  He touched him. 
The contamination of the leper was such that if he even stood at the door of your house you were defiled by his uncleanliness.  But Jesus touched the man.  Jesus broke through that vast indifference under the sky and touched the man who had been isolated by disease.

And what was communicated in this exchange wasn’t the disease but the purity.  Jesus wasn’t contaminated by the man’s disease.  Jesus wasn’t cursed with the man’s defilement. The man was made clean.  Jesus sent the man away[vi] and warned him to keep quiet about it.  The man was to show himself to the priest for inspection, and to make the necessary sacrifices to reenter society, but he was not to tell anyone what Jesus had done.  

But the man went away and began to spread the news freely, telling everyone what Jesus had done – and how can we blame him? After being released from his exile, after being restored to his community – after being brought back to life, as it were, how could he not share this great story? 

But look what happens as the result.  Jesus could no longer openly enter a town but was forced, by the crowds and their fervor and their crazed excitement, to remain out in the countryside and lonely places.  Jesus, as the result of curing the leper, becomes almost a leper – unable to enter into public places -though not quite for the same reasons. 

This introverted Jesus, who has been seeking a bit of quite alone time and an escape from the crowds, cures a man who has been forcibly isolated from community the crowds, and as a result the crowds are even more drawn to him.  They came to him from every quarter with their clamor and their noise, and their questions, and their demands and needs. 

And Jesus moved with compassion[vii] reached out to them.




[i] Leviticus 13 - 14
[ii] Leviticus 13: 45-46
[iii] Camus, Albert - The Plague
[iv] Mark 1: 40
[v]  Some of the earliest copies of Mark’s gospel say Jesus was moved with “Indignation.”  This is strange and difficult to understand.  But it might fit.  After healing the man, Jesus gives him a “stern” warning to keep silent about it.  And throughout Mark’s gospel we find a Jesus who is tired and angry.  Perhaps Jesus was moved with “indignation” as well as “compassion.”
[vi] Edersheim, Alfred The Life and Times of Jesus the Messiah, vol 1, page 495
[vii] More accurately, he “cast” the man away – perhaps another indicator that he was moved with “indignation”
[viii] Or “Indignation” or both

Thursday, November 24, 2011

Holiday Haiku - Happy Thanksgiving.


Color filled leaves fall
Just to be crushed underfoot,
This is the pattern.

My 10 year old son wrote these haiku poems at school.  They break my heart and make me laugh at the same time. Is that just because I'm his father?  Either way, I am so very proud of him.


The wind whistles by
Trees mourn for their great losses
But who hears the cries?

Leaves like snowflakes come
But only leaves are welcome,
No one awaits snow.

V's sail through the sky
Their shrieks rebound through the air
They leave us till spring.

As the days shorten
And the temperature declines
Fireside tales fly.


Please consider making a donation to support the work of The Salvation Army in Fairmont / Martin County, Minnesota (or to the Salvation Army unit nearest to you).  There aren't any bell ringers out today (Thanksgiving day) but you can still give via this online kettle.  Thank you so much.  May God bless you.

Saturday, November 5, 2011

Not With a Bang, but November

This is the way the world ends
This is the way the world ends
This is the way the world ends
Not with a bang
but November.



Not With a Bang, but November by thatjeffcarter was here



This song is available for download.

Made with Adobe Soundbooth and Ableton Live (lite) from only two samples:


my apologies to T.S. Elliot for the paraphrase.


Wednesday, November 10, 2010

A Few Things Melancholy

A few things melancholy
On smiling and sadness: twelve theses

<--Solitary Androids
Winter Wind -->



More melancholy
Jeff Carter's books on Goodreads
Muted Hosannas Muted Hosannas
reviews: 2
ratings: 3 (avg rating 4.33)

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