Mushrooms

Fungus by Jeff Carter on 500px

The Kafka Cookbook

It was late in the evening when K. began to prepare the evening meal.  Outside, the city was deep in snow, veiled in mist and darkness. The kitchen, by comparison, could be described as well-lit though illuminated by a single lamp; it was a glimmer of light against the emptiness of night.

Into two cups of water he added chopped onions, pepper, mushrooms, and crisp leafy kale that he’d bought from the neighborhood market as he returned from the Land Surveyor’s office.  He poured in a measure of beef broth and lemon juice and waited for it to boil.

Suddenly he was aware of a great muttering in the other room.  The gentlemen gathered there had waited in silence for several hours for him to return, but his long delay angered them. “He’s wasted his time, and ours, by pursuing this Land Surveyor,” a stern voice croaked.  Mumbled assents followed from others. 

K. wondered if they knew that he’d overheard them.  “Do they know that I am here?  Should I explain all that I have achieved?” he asked himself.  K. added a pinch of salt to the bubbling broth.

I saw this book last night and was sad that it wasn’t Franz Kafka, decided I had to write it up for myself…Then after I was finished I discovered Kafka's Soup

Dr. Tarrec’s Free Weekly Horoscope #8

Aries – The mushrooms you purchased last week from that woman at the side of the road have altered your DNA.  I think you should be okay, but you should consult a mycologist for further details.

Taurus - If you listen closely, you’ll hear it, the hum.  It’s down around 50 – 56 Hz so it’s difficult to hear.  But if you do, you’ll receive a series of instructions. Follow them. They will lead to great treasure.

Gemini – The Red Zone City has been enveloped by superfluid fog.  Quantum gravity is in flux. Put your travel plans on hold until this phenomenon is understood.

Cancer – It took me several weeks to figure it out, but the reason that your spellcraft has failed in recent months is that you are using an inauthentic copy of the Simon Necromicon.  The smiley face and rainbows on the cover probably should have been your first clue.

Leo – The mermaids are calling again. If you have completed your SCUBA instruction you may proceed.  If you have not yet completed your certification, you should under no circumstances listen to their song.

Virgo – Your grandmother (the dead one) has been trying to contact you.  She has some hard candy and a quarter for you.

Libra – The Vatican is now taking applications for exorcists.  I’ll be sure to pass along your name and give you a positive reference.

Scorpio – The next reappearance of Halley’s Comet in 1986 will presage great changes in your personal finances.

Sagittarius – Abscesses make the heart grow fungus.  Consult your mycologist immediately. Seriously. I’m not even kidding.

Capricorn - The eagle playing the cymbals in your backyard is named Fernando.  Approach him with caution.  If you can speak to him, ask him what he did with my manuscript

Aquarius – The bacteria on your skin is of a very specific type.  It is keeping many parasites and diseases from bothering you. Stop using anti-bacterial cleansers. 

Pisces – Watch for the movement of wandering Bedouin stars.  They may soon cross the seas and raise an army in the mountains.  If they do they’ll elect one of their own as the Prince.

Dr. Tarrec’s Free Weekly Horoscope

Aries:  What began as a lark has the potential of becoming quite dangerous. You should stop now before anyone else contracts gastroenteritis.   The items you left in your high school locker have been identified as yours; you should reclaim them, soon.

Taurus:  A fondness for fungus will bring unexpected opportunities for travel. Go for it.  All mushrooms are edible...once.

Gemini:  Like the lobster, you have a tendency toward cannibalism.  Protect your children.  Global warming and rising water temperatures may be the cause of your errors in judgment, but try to make amends before the week is over.

Cancer:  Now is not the time to investigate another incident of cattle mutilations.  The winds of blame are shifting.  Extra-terrestrials are falling out of favor.  You could be next.  There will be no witness, no one will see or hear anything, but the tongues of the beasts will be removed.   Don’t let them wag about you.

Leo: Brittle teeth and bones can be replaced.  Epithelial cells collected from your urine make great source material.

Virgo: Be active and vigorous this week.  The sedentary will be devoured by hungry dogs, starting with the testicles.

Libra: Watch for roaming herds of prehistoric wooly mammoths.  They will ask you for a favor. You would be wise to refuse.

Scorpio:  Ring the bells.  Sound the alarm.  Communion wafers are bleeding within the shrine.

Sagittarius: The rising of Jupiter and Venus should not be mistaken for Chinese spy drones.   Prudent decisions are based on accurate information.

Capricorn:  The Carrier Pigeons you used to send your last messages have gone off course.  They will be found, fed and returned to you, but the messages will not have arrived.  Prepare for plans to falter because of this communication failure.

Aquarius: Beware of sentient dolls.

Pisces: Even decapitated snakes should not be trusted.  They can still bite.

Post-Apostolic Wasteland

He could barely remember the time before,
before the collapse, before the bombs,
but once he had been a teacher -
Professor of Ancient Hearsay Evidence
at Baigent-Leigh University -
Professor Jon Hagalgolson.
Now he wanders through
a post-apostolic wasteland
in search of the Manuscript
that had been stolen from him.

Forever pursued by Russian agents
and members of a sacred mushroom cult,
he must find the missing pages of this ancient text
before his enemies
or something worse than the bombs
something much worse
will fall upon the land.

Fungi

I took these photos in the woods at Northwoods camp. 

I still maintain that all mushrooms are edible...once.

Midnight Fairy Dance (Mushrooms in the Yard)

Late last night, after the rain stopped, I heard this song. I threw on some clothes and my shoes and went out to investigate. That's when I saw them, dancing beneath a mushroom that had sprung up in the wet darkness of the yard, those fairy lights. I watched for several moments, entranced by their song. But they noticed me and flew away. I'm going out again tonight to see if I can hear them singing again.

You can download it here.

In this song I used some samples from The Freesound Project.
Cold 3
Sound Singing 3
Ding-dong-ding-dong

All Mushrooms are Edible...

 As it is difficult to accurately identify a safe mushroom without proper training and knowledge, it is advised that you  assume that a wild mushroom is poisonous and do not consume it.

Photo taken in my back yard after two days of rain. Manipulated in photoshop. Click the picture to see it enlarged.