A MAGA Manifesto

    The following was sent to our newsroom with a demand that it be published immediately – without redaction. We’ve chosen to publish it – with minor edits. Though the letter was received unsigned, we trust the reader will understand who they are. We publish it reluctantly, fully aware of the danger of giving such voices a platform – but aware, also, of the danger in ignoring those voices.

    Christ has no saints other than us. Believe it.

    We will have no further need for evidence, for facts, citations, or documents. We have the all-vulgarity we need. And the abuse, you absolute dumbass. Your own mother would have flushed you if she had half a thought. [Further vulgarities redacted].

    We have the administrative machinery to enforce our will. We will determine the order. We will determine the times and the seasons – and, with forged timecards and behavioral inconsistency, change them. Trust the unrepentant liar, convicted fraud, serial adulterer. He will show us the way through this liberal hoax.

    The physical deformity of your eyes, like a disease. You don’t even know. How can you hear? Deaf angels will not hear your prayers. The tongue of the Lord is loosed, and the infant of days will die. Your mainline apostate churches will be burned. A host of heaven destruction. An ashtray mountain. A severed ecclesiastical head. Call it a necessary rectification. And pray that we don’t come too soon.

    We will live long upon the land – this land. Our land. We will not die. We will not lose. Not in the midterm elections. Not in this present age. The AntiChrist will Christ against the Church. This is how you will know. Our glorified bodies – real and physical – not subject to death. Without doctors. Without scientists. Not beholden to laws. A special knowledge through quantum faith entanglement. Being able to vanish and appear at will, not limited by physical matter, defying gravity for upward movement, moving from earth to heaven with speed of thought.

    Follow the straight-line blessing of the Old Testament to true-patriot Americanism. The Muslim idolater, the soft, the fornicator, all the socialist institutions of higher learning are drunk with the blood of the martyrs. [Ethnic and abelist slurs redacted] But not for very much longer. We are coming for you. Believe it.